Thursday's Ways Not To Die

Shakma (1990)

Poor Amanda Wyss. She has one of the greatest horror movie deaths of all time -- Freddy Krueger's first kill in the Nightmare on Elm Street series as Tina, the girl who gets dragged onto the ceiling and sliced up in front of her hot boyfriend...

... and do I do that scene for this series? Of course not! I have never done that scene for this series! I have done the scene in the original Elm Street where said hot boyfriend gets strangled by his prison sheets in a strangely erotic manner later on, but I have never done the original terrifying scene here, in my series on Great Movie Deaths. No instead I do the scene where a baboon drags her onto a toilet and eats her face off in the truly godawful 1990 baboon-gone-berserk flick Shakma. Mostly just so I can post this gif of Christopher Atkins serving Oscar Clip Realness crying over her corpse:

Will the degradations ever end? (I would like to add that Atkins had been "acting" for an entire decade by the time he was called on to do that crying scene, and that was the best he could come up with. Good grief.) But I have a reason for posting this scene, beside it being ridiculous. I mean I'm posting it 90% because it's ridiculous. Obviously. Part of the ridiculous stemming from the fact that the baboon is never actually scary -- he looks totally friendly all of the time, and they have to edit around him just sitting there like smiling whenever they show him. But that aside I do have to admit that Shakma the movie actually surprised me with this scene.

This movie is terrible but I found one good shot! #nowwatching pic.twitter.com/pga8XKNsV5

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) April 21, 2023

Don't get me wrong -- it's a very very bad movie. But it does kill characters, like our girl "Tracy" there, that you don't expect it to kill. Tracy (Wyss) has basically been our Final Girl up until this scene. She's been smart, she's fought harder than anybody. You're sure at this point in the movie (this is three-quarters of the way in) that it'll be her and Atkins strolling out, the triumphant heterosexual couple that these movies always end up having triumph in the end. Of course, a big part of why this surprises is because of the movie's inept storytelling you have totally forgotten that there's another Hot White Girl hanging around...

... named Kim (Ari Meyers of Kate & Allie fame) -- and no, don't ask me why the fuck she's dressed like that. But this is her popping up out of literal nowhere a split second after Tracy has had her face eaten off on the toilet, as if to reassure the bewildered audience that PHEW, heterosexuality can still emerge triumphant from this mad monkey's rampage! That was a close one.  Even Roddy McDowall can't stand in its way this time!

Hit the jump for links to all the previous Ways Not To Die...

Previous Ways Not To Die: Next Time Take the Stairs -- Drill Bit Isabelle -- Shreddered -- For Your Enjoyment Here Are Several Gifs Of Liz Taylor Stabbing A Bitch -- From the Fevered Imagination of Miss Joan Crawford -- Black Phillip's Shit List --  Butt Munched -- Given Head -- That Darn Abominable -- Not So Fast, Suntman Mike -- Dropped By Drew -- Death Drop -- Pop Goes The Prowler -- Something Pirkc-ed This Way Comes --  A Jab ACAB -- Cat Scratch Fever -- Some CG Nun-sense -- Don't Sit Too Close to the TV -- Big Man Bombs -- Some Rad Bad Mean Monkey Business -- You Cruise You Lose -- Get Steamed -- Ring Envy -- Pop Goes the Eyeball -- - Rat Lightning -- Central Park Pestilence -- Goat Yer Got -- Get the Hook -- Robot First Blood -- Tumble For Yahhhhhh -- By Gyaos and By Golly -- Licked By Flames of Sapphic Desire -- Snitches Get Destiches --  Bad-Assassin -- Lasers For the Little Person -- Mouse Droppings -- Pink Puffy Stuff -- Light Terror-py -- Don't Open the Box! -- I Said Don't Squeeze The Charmin -- Ma Come Runnin -- Birds of Darkness, Consume Me!!! -- Oh Teddy -- Better Off Red -- A Spike in the Dark -- Bag n' Bash -- Big Time Dumbbelled -- By Behemoth Blast -- Fire In Your Belly -- The Hand Gun -- Shark, Weak -- Just Say Heck No -- The Diabolical Loosening of Birds -- Backstabber -- Psychogenic Fugue State Go Bye Bye -- Who Slew Aunt Annie -- Saved By The Bullet -- Die For Art -- Crawl This Way -- Deep Red Robin Dead -- Cellar Doors -- Draw Bridge To Doom -- Disarmed & Dangerous -- Ladies Who Lunched -- Tasting the Black Sperm of Vengeance -- Chucky's First Victim -- Smoking Kills -- Conk Goes The Boyfriend -- No You're The Puppet -- Killer Looks -- Dumb Blonde in a Box -- Dinner For Two -- Grab the Bull By the Horns -- Shoot Me Jonathan Tucker -- Dressed Down -- Killin' Nazis -- Keep Your Eyes on the Pies -- Sleep Tight -- How Much is the Peyton Out the Window -- It Takes Guts -- Buns Up -- Body Snatcher Bullseye -- Kibbles & Bits -- What's In The Basket -- A Bad Case of Bed Head -- The Last Airbender -- Loose Hips Sink Dips --Bunny Oblivion -- Railroaded -- Man vs Harpoon -- Beam Me Down -- Touchdown to Terror -- Lucy Loses Her Head -- Goo Gone -- Jake Fully Loaded -- Time Stops For One Man -- They Shoot Actresses Don't They -- Chop Top -- Paint Me Like One Of Your Dead Girls -- Doggy Puddle -- A Present of Violence -- Backseat Die-r -- Supermarket Reaped -- Jungle Boogied -- In the Hallway with the Candlestick -- This is Not the Blonde You Are Looking For -- The Sting -- Blue Mooned -- Pray For Death. -- I Want To Die! -- Come and Knock on My Face -- All Dolled Up -- Tomahawk Justice -- Sleep It Off -- The Fall Guy -- Catricide -- Rumbling in my Tummy -- Fuzzy Wuzzy Was A Monster -- Split End-- That Darn Dame -- Board Now -- Signed By The Zodiac -- Damsel in Da' Street -- Whispers of a Mad-Man -- Peek-a-Boom -- Precious Miseries -- A Triple Salchow Before Dying -- Night Nurse -- Don't Be Greedo -- The Hand That Rocks The Greenhouse -- Jacked Up -- The Big Squeeze -- Say My Name -- Silver Shamrock -- As The Wine Turns -- sleepytime --  Eat Crow -- An Un Made Man -- Bear Topped --When Your Hoop Dreams Become Your Hoop Nightmares -- Ungodly Grabbers -- Head Today Gone Tomorrow -- Something... Happened -- Phone Jacked -- Poker Face -- Not Ready For This Jelly --World's Greatest DEAD -- Swiss Miss Meteor Strike -- The Whim of a Mads Man -- Big Wheeled -- Deep Red -- Bunny Petit -- Ding Dong Going Down -- The Headless Hitchcock -- Oops I Dropped The Soap --Mary had A Little Slam -- The Beast With Too Backstabbed -- Wrath of the Merman -- Stomach Bug --Something Icky This Way Comes -- Dagon It -- The Passion of Margaret White -- Worm Food -- Kim Jong Kill -- Harkonnen A Vagrant -- A Little Off The Top -- Laid Out By Lamas -- 1 2 3 Dandy -- One Ringy-Dingy Two Ringy-Dingy Die Ringy-Dingy -- Nanny Slam -- Forced Head -- A Wolf at the Door -- X-Ray'd -- Helen Helen Helen -- Bad Robot -- Giggle Gassed -- Dark Meet -- The Lady in the Iron Mask --Croaked -- Exit Stage Crazy -- Cold Cocked By Colin Farrell --  Comb Over -- Wishing You Happy Father's Day -- Bright Light Bright Light -- Flame With Ash Highlights -- Don't Spoke Unless Stuck Onto-- Teen Angst Bullshit -- Come What May (Day) -- Dodge This -- The Dead Knock At Dawn -- A Gentlemenly Sacrifice -- Spade & Neutered -- Flambe By Vincent -- L.O.O.K.E.R Over -- Something in the Fog -- Polly Wants A Scalpel -- Major Swirly -- White Meat Dark Meat -- Oh Dae-su You Devil --Unto Darkness Delivered -- A Hammock Built For Slew -- Venom Down -- Worm Turned -- This Anaconda Do Want Some -- Cereal Murdered -- Deady Dearest -- Spotted Dick -- Chinatown Syndrome-- Feeling the Fury -- Blank With the Blank in the Blank -- Kill the Cook -- You be The Steeple -- Boiled Bashed Stabbed & Gassed -- Iced Princess -- Straight Razor Symphony -- Prey For Mantis -- Talos Unplugged -- A Mysterious Raptoring -- Mad Monkey Robo Rampage -- Give Me Liberty, Or... -- Horns of Plenty... Dead! -- Mistress-And-Run -- Wolverine Interrupted -- Who Let The Guts Out -- Zzzapped Innards-Side-Out -- Bad Romance -- Twas Beauty (And Also Aeroplanes) -- Bad Head -- Valentine's Day Massacred -- Belly Buster -- For Being Not The Babysitter -- Splat In Slo-Mo -- To Be Dis-Continued --For Being Mouthy -- Do You Smell What Billy's Mom Is Cooking -- The Milk Done Gone Bad -- An Inability To Stop Drop and Roll -- Bug Sprayed -- Extreme Makeover: Leatherface Edition -- Window Seat Suck -- Razor Bunting -- Stabbed Thru The Heart And Witches Are To Blame -- Shark Kibble -- Is That a Straight Razor In Your Trunks Or Are You Just Happy To See Me -- Bad Dates -- Fry Guy'd --Super Battle Bystander Shrapnel Shred -- Staring Contest of the Dead -- Satanic Self Sacrifice -- Fist and Fortune -- Psychedelic Penis Slice To Window Toss -- For Crimes Against Accent -- Sacked -- Speed Bumped For Traffic Spikes -- Shark Versus Jet-Ski -- Hot Oil Treatment -- Tucked In By Jason -- Just A Pair of Snowbodies -- Poison Pellet Kibble Swap -- Dolly Disassembled -- Fire Escape Fall Out -- Unbuggered -- Tell 'Em Large Marge Sent'cha -- Blue Man Gooped -- Tongue Stung -- Now Wouldn't Cha, Barracuda? -- Leaving on a Rat Plane -- Panthers! -- Fashion Faux-Pwned -- "It's Just A Box." -- Blasted Pigeons -- Taunting Ahnuld -- The Too Hot Tub -- Beyond the Veil -- Sunken Prayers-- Super Crack -- Brains Blown -- Fur For The Boogens -- White Hot Bunny Rabbit Rage --Dragged To Hell -- The TV Van That Dripped Blood -- Don't Mess With Mama -- Heads Ahoy --Martyred For Sheep -- Heads Nor Tails -- He Loves Me Knot -- The Great Bouncing Brad --Miss Kitty's 8 Mishaps -- Boat Smoosh -- Meeting the French-Tipped Menace -- A Magic Trick -- Slick Suck -- We Who Walk Here Walk Alone -- Raptor Bait -- Kneegasm'd -- Dare to Dream in Fincher -- Reach Out and Throttle Someone -- De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed --Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run-- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance-- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry --Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 --Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye --Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away --Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door-- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue-- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!!-- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded --Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare --Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head