Friday, December 02, 2016

The Eyes Have It

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The Eyes of My Mother, one of the year's scariest and strangest movies, is officially out this weekend, and if you can find it you should very much plan on watching it. Read my review over here. I have had nightmares shaped like it ever since I saw it several weeks back. It's a haunter.

Other than that Jackie is also out this weekend and by all accounts it is very good - I have not seen it yet but I mean to. What are you guys seeing this weekend? Tell me something in the comments! Bye and sweet dreams...


Gratuitous Paul Hamy

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Any gratuitous Paul Hamy post isn't complete without a full airing of his boundless and bounteous gratuity in João Pedro Rodrigues' film The Ornithologist (which I saw at the NYFF this past October and which birthed my obsession with Mr. Hamy) but I have no clue when that very strange, very particular, very gay...

... and kinda amazing movie is hitting our shores. 
So what to do? How about we just...

... post a bunch of pictures of him in the meantime? Sounds good to me! Hamy was a model when he was younger (you'll see some of those pictures below) and his film career's only three years thick but he's already done some big time stuff - besides all the art-house attention that The Ornithologist has gotten via festivals he's already starred opposite big names like Vincent Cassel in My King and Catherine Deneuve in On My Way...

... and he was in the very fine Disorder (reviewed here) opposite Matthias Schoenaerts and Diane Kruger too. So here's to hoping his career continues on the upward swing because good goddamn do I like to look at him. So now let's do just that and hit the jump for over seventy more pictures...

Pic of the Day

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Right after I posted our previous post wishing East of Eden actress Julie Harris a happy birthday alongside a bunch of pictures of James Dean and Richard Davalos being hot n' homoerotic around her I stumbled across the above picture of the two being even gayer than all that. (click to embiggen) I mean, that flute! The shot is apparently from a scene cut from East of Eden because it went too far with the gay innuendo and, well, duh. 

And I imagine it goes alongside the screen-test video we posted back in March of the two actors wrestling in bed -- click here to see all that blessed monkey business. And now I feel like watching East of Eden again! Oh and click over to the Tumblr where I just posted a few pictures of these two not seen here, because they were quite the pair off-screen as well.


Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

you can learn from:

East of Eden (1955)

Abra: Mr. Trask, it's awful not to be loved. It's the worst thing in the world. Don't ask me - even if you could - how I know that. I just know it. It makes you mean, and violent, and cruel. And that's the way Cal has always felt, Mr. Trask. All his life! Maybe you didn't mean it that way - but it's true. You never gave him your love. You never asked for his. You never asked him for one thing.
The great Julie Harris was born on this day in 1925.

Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Good Morning, World

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Secret Gay Prison Sex Romp Assassin's Creed is not the only movie Michael Fassbender has coming out right abouts now -- Trespass Against Us, his movie with Brendan Gleeson (we showed you the trailer in September) supposedly hit DirecTV last week and will be moving on to movie theaters in January. (The 20th to be precise.) Once upon a time I might've side-eyed that release plan but that's exactly how they rolled out Fassy's cowboy movie Slow West and I adored that so we'll see. 
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Anyway yes that there is a clip from the movie, which is where I'm getting the "Fassy smoking in bed" gifs from (more of which are below) but first let me also share a promotional photo for the movie, because...

... between this and the skin-fest that Assassin's Creed (which strangely is all about him being brutalized and abused by men in uniform while shirtless - I'm sensing something being worked out here!) is turning out to be it would appear that Michael is very happy with how he looks right now, and I would just like to offer the most sincere thank you, alongside oodles of positive reinforcement on top of more oodles of enthusiastic encouragement. Keep doing your thing (specifically this thing), dude. Hit the jump for more...

Thursday, December 01, 2016

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... Jai running.

we did the other day, this shit's the real deal.
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(thx Mac)
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Offred Offered in Off Red

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EW has got the first pictures from Hulu's upcoming adaptation of Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale (which I think we all ought to read over the holiday break)  that there is the finely cast Elisabeth Moss in the leading role of Offred, preeminent baby machine of our dystopian future. If you click over you can also see a shot of Joseph Fiennes as The Commander, which I would share here but EW slathers their irritating watermarks over the top of everything, so they win, I will make you click over to them if you want it; I don't have all day to photo-shop that shit off. There are also a few quotes from Moss and the show-runner Bruce Miller (who also crated The 100 and The 4400 and Alphas and Medium I guess he has a thing for numbers and sizes) at the link so you can read those while you're over there or whatever. The show premieres in April.
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Lose Weight the Michael Fassbender Way

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The more I see of Assassin's Creed the more I wonder how bizarre and gay and bizarrely gay it's going to be -- there seems to be a whole lot of half-naked Michael Fassbender getting manhandled and manhandling in return the male guards (see also) of this weird cyber-prison he's being kept in, and then that giant robot cock keeps sticking itself up his backside...

It seems to be trying to out-fetishize The Matrix, which really is a fool's errand - you're never gonna out fetishize the Wachowskis. But keep trying, please! Here's the new clip:
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In related news in a TV interview the other day Fassy's co-star Marion "Crazy" Cotillard had some sexy fun at Michael's sexy expense talking about his on-set proclivities:

"He works out a lot. And he's very vocal... And sometimes you don't even know if he's actually working out or doing something else."

His reply: "They're all calorie burners." So now we know why Michael Fassbender's so damned skinny! He fucks the fat off. I mean... I suspected as much. But it's nice to have confirmation from the man himself on one of my many, many suspicions regarding him.

With Theo James... In 3D!

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Every time the ghost of Kate Beckinsale is summoned into my life my boyfriend and I have a laugh about the ads for Underworld 3D which sold the film as "Stare at Kate Beckinsale's boobs in a leather catsuit... in 3D!" so this clip from the new Underworld movie made me laugh -- it's totally selling Theo James' tits in much the same way. Progress, people! This is progress.
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Maybe it's the fact that this installment's directed by a woman? (Good riddance, Len Wiseman!) And hey maybe they can get Scott Speedman to return and make out with Theo James? Just a suggestion. There's still time for reshoots.

Anyway if you're here for more Theo James, as I know you are, I won't let you down -- hit the jump for several more gifs...

Come Experiment With Me

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Gosh look how adorable John Gallagher Jr is looking in The Belko Experiment, you guys. Every office has that underestimatedly cute dude (see also: both Martin Freeman and John Krasinski in the two versions of The Office) and John's fitting the requisite ill-fitting suit and unkempt scruff to a tee.

Anyway if you're all "The Belko What-oh?" let me refresh your brains - The Belko Experiment was written by James "Guardians of the Galaxy but more importantly Slither" Gunn and it was directed by no less than Greg "Wolf Creek but more importantly Wolf Creek" McLean and it's kind of Cube meets Cabin in the Woods meets Severence meets The Stanford Prison Experiment meets High-Rise meets et cetera. It's got a great cast of under-used talent - faces you know but names you might not, like Gallagher Jr and like Tony Goldwyn, like John C. McGinley, like Michael Rooker and David Dastmalchian...

... who share a weirdly intimate moment in the trailer that has my mind going places... and like Melonie Diaz, and I love love love Melonie Diaz you guys. Psyched she's in this. 

Belko isn't out until March 17th of next year so we've got a bit of a wait but I am digging the trailer and I am really really hoping that this represents a step back in the correct career direction for Greg McLean, whose last movie was eye-gougingly terrible. Let's wash the stink off with this!
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Bonus: Here's Tony Goldwyn looking typically sharp:

Quote of the Day

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"Do daughters of mass murderers like to get raped? In France they sometimes do, and only Isabelle Huppert could play this hetero-deviant, Claude Chabrol meets  Radley Metzger character with feminist dignity. Isn’t she the best actress in the whole wide world?"

It's the most magical and wondrous time of the year, aka the day that John Waters releases his yearly top ten list for ArtForum -- that above is him talking about Paul Verhoeven's Elle (clearing that up just in case you thought he was talking about Disney's Moana there) which naturally made the list. Click on over to read him opine on his nine other choices, using phrases like "Gallic rimming" and "Tippi is scalped." Oh and if you missed him on Colbert the other day you should watch that too; I've watched it several times now and it's one of the things keeping me barely sane this week.
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:


Deborah: I have something to get you
out of your midlife crisis.
Nick: That can only mean a full-body vibrator!

Have any of you seen this movie? I never have and I find that entirely insane - even though I recall the reviews being fairly vicious, and the movie's all but forgotten today, even at the age of 13 when this movie came out I was a huge Woody Allen fan and Bette Midler was basically my pretend mother, so it's really very inexplicable, me never having seen it. 

And it doesn't help that I only think about the movie once a year on December 1st, which is the birthday of both Woody & Bette. What an odd but perfect pair - I guess it turned out more odd than perfect but I totally get why somebody would think they would work.

PS if anybody wants to buy me a ticket to see Bette do 
Hello, Dolly on Broadway, I wouldn't say no!
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Milo Ventimiglia Six Times

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No offense to my mother but when I was talking to her on the phone the other night she told me how much she was liking the TV show This is Us and that's when I knew I would not like the TV show This is Us. I mean I had suspected as much - I had heard that they hadn't gotten Milo naked again after the premiere showcased his butt to much fanfare - but this pretty much cements the deal. What was funniest about this conversation with my mother though was I found out she is a HUGE Justin Hartley fan, which, well, who knew such things existed? I guess there's one! 

As a Milo-related aside, here's a video of him kissing Jared Padalecki that is kind of adorable. Okay anyway these photographs are from the latest issue of Interview Magazine (yes the same one with sexy trashy Adam Driver splashed all over it) and if you hit the jump I will share the remaining five stache-ariffic shots...

Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Good Morning, World

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The first time I ever posted about Riz Ahmed was when I saw this shot in the trailer for his 2011 movie Trishna opposite Frieda Pinto - I still haven't seen that movie; did any of you? I knew who Riz was at that point thanks to the iincredibly funny terrorism comedy Four Lions, but it wasn't until this moment in this trailer that I found myself smitten. Cut to a couple of years later and he's giving a fantastic performance opposite Jake Gyllenhaal in one of my favorite movies of 2014 and then he's starring in one of the buzziest most bingeable shows on TV and before you know it wham bam he's starring in a Star Wars movie. We've come a long way, Riz. Yes, you have brought me with you. I am right beside you, every moment. Good grief this is a lot of creepiness for before 10am. Let's go have some coffee and try to not be such a creep for the rest of the day. (Ha.) Happy birthday, Riz!


Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Could Someone Please Tell Me...

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... where the hell is Jamie Bell?


Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... Jai walking.

I think the saddest realization I have ever had is the realization that I will probably never go to Bondi Beach in Australia, aka the place where every Aussie dream, from the Hemsworths to Hugh Jackman, have sauntered their hot half-naked asses around for all the public to enjoy. And now...

... Jai too. It's too much, I cannot bear it, I need to be alone. No like seriously I need to be alone for awhile. You all just go ahead and hit the jump for 18 more pictures and give me some me time please...