Friday, December 06, 2019

Little Ben's Big Weekend

.
If you are looking for a Big Movie out this weekend you're gonna end up sore -- The Aeronauts is not good, don't see it, read our pal Chris' review at The Film Experience if you need further convincing. Oh and there's Aaron Johnson's Penis in A Million Little Pieces, which is definitely putting the "Big" in "Big Movie," but I already showed you that. That said there are several smaller independent films out today via all of the various platforms that I very much recommend you seeking out, and I shall now list them for you. 

I guess I might as well start with Little Joe, which co-stars our boy Ben Whishaw pictured two times above and which has opened here in NYC at least is at The Quad -- with that title and an openly gay actor you would be forgiven for imagining something about Warhol star Joe Dallesandro, but don't imagine that! You'll be surprised when you actually end up seeing a Body Snatchers riff set in a strange closed-up world of odd botanists fond of rich fabrics. You'll be surprised by Little Joe no matter what you go in expecting, I think -- it's a weird one but I have a fondness for any riff on Body Snatchers and this is the most original one to come along in awhile. 
.
.
Moving on I've already told you about twenty-teen times how you need to see Peter Strickland's latest In Fabric, a bifurcated fable about an evil red dress and the bewigged witches who cast spells upon it -- here's my review from Tribeca this past spring, and here's my recent write-up of the performance from one of them witches, which is amazing. In Fabric is playing at Metrograph here in New York, with Strickland there for several Q&As this weekend to boot!

And speaking of crazy stuff I saw at Tribeca another one from that fest this past spring is just now hitting U.S. theaters -- it's called Knives and Skin and here's my review of it -- it's about a teen girl who disappears one night and how her small-knit community deals with it, and if you have any idea how that might play out throw those thoughts right in the garbage can, they are garbage, because this movie is nothing like you imagine it to be.

Lastly but not leastly -- and along with Little Joe I wish I had it in me to write a proper review of this because it's deserving of one, but my brain just isn't really cooperating with me this week -- is the wacko imaginary friend tale Daniel Isn't Here, which stars Miles Robbins as a young man whose repressed id or perhaps his schizophrenia or maybe perhaps even the devil himself springs forth one day in the form of Patrick Schwarzenegger only to then keep finding excuses to take his clothes off. Funny, I have hot dudes who live inside my head who do the same thing constantly too!

Kidding aside DIR is a pretty fascinating movie with some gorgeous schizoid visuals and some truly ape-shit practical effects (there's one scene that left my jaw hanging on the floor) that's a little undone by a pair of lead performances I found, uhh, underwhelming. Basically I wasn't nuts about what Robbins and Schwarzenegger were serving up. But director Adam Egypt Mortimer has got a great eye and a keen sense of cinematic freak-out which will serve him well if he can line up, uhh, better actors next time around. (There's solid work from Sasha Lane and Mary Stuart Masterson on the sidelines though.)
.

Oh and the glorious lesbian romance Portrait of a Lady on Fire is apparently playing some theaters his weekend in order to qualify for Oscars -- here's my review of that; it is glorious. The movie, not my review, although who's to judge really? I don't think the movie will get any Oscar nominations since France chose a different movie as their submission for the International prize, but perhaps its breathtaking cinematography can muster a nom. What do I know? Why am I talking Oscars? God. Anyway the film's getting a bigger release come Valentines Day so if you miss it this weekend you'll have another chance then.

The only movies I'm seeing in the theater this weekend are tonight Gabriel Mascaro's Divine Love out of Brazil, which I told you about last week -- it's his long awaited follow-up to Neon Bull, a movie I adored -- and I might see a guild screening of Ford v Ferrari too, if I can muster the energy. I'm really indifferent towards that movie on the surface (cars, blecch), but there's one thing I'm curious about...

Longing For Idris & Tilda Together At Last

.
Everybody's keeping mum on details with the reveals today -- see also this -- so it's a good thing we had Aaron Johnson keeping nothing covered up this morning, you know, to make up for other stuff. I don't know, I'm just seeing if I can work Aaron's penis into every post today, don't mind me. Anyway what we're here for -- not that we're ever not here for your penis, Aaron! -- is the news that Idris Elba (speaking of penises we're here for) and Tilda Swinton (oh same probably) are starring in a movie directed by Mad Max auteur George Miller. It is called Three Thousand Years of Longing. And that's all we really know about it. I mean I don't need to know anymore than that, do you? Idris, Tilda, Miller, tickets bought. Richard Madden knows what I'm talking about...

Big Bad Tony Pro

.
Stephen Graham, who is absolutely fabulous as the gangster Tony Pro in Martin Scorsese's new film The Irishman, has just joined the cast of the Venom sequel! They're keeping his role "under wraps" so maybe it'll be an important one and not just "Thug #3." I've been a fan of Graham's ever since This is England in 2006 but he almost always feels under-used. I suppose that's the bane of the character actor. Speaking of Bane this won't be Stephen's first time co-starring opposite Tom Hardy, as they've both been in the movie Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and the TV series Taboo together...


Pic of the Day

.
Here is a very pleasant set photograph of Charlie Hunnam in (and semi-out of) his costume with his True History of the Kelly Gang director Justin Kurzel (via, click it to embiggen) -- as we've seen in the trailers that've been released he gets even more out of that costume in the movie. Probably not as much out of his costume as Aaron Taylor-Johnson does in A Million Little Pieces, which we just posted this morning and you'll excuse us if it's haunting out brain today -- but hey Charlie's in AMLP too, so there is indeed overlap. I wish Charlie had played the role Giovanni Ribisi did so that shower scene would've been him and Aaron rolling around instead, but I'm not going to complain. I could not possibly.
.

Joker in 200 Words or Less

.
Clowns are responsible for the world's most tragic magic tricks, like making doves pop out of their underpants and squirting unsuspecting folks looking for a nice sniff with sudden sprays of lord knows what -- they make too much of something out of a lot of nothing. Oversized eyebrows and puffed-up lips, alcoholic noses floating over two floppy shoes signifying nothing. Joker's like that -- a sleeve of rainbow handkerchiefs spilling on the floor into a sad little pile that somebody's got to clean up. 

I mean who cleans up the handkerchiefs? Who mops up those custard pie apocalypses? Nobody spares a thought for those hidden doves, tucked into terrible places -- I felt their warm paranoia and their frantic need to burst free watching this movie, jostled up beside a bunch of junk I had no use for. A flaccid juggalo in search of some stiff purpose, Todd Phillips' film weaves and wobbles and flails about, empty as a rabbit-less hat, coarse as a fart gag in an enclosed space. It marinates in flatulent claustrophobia, leaving an unaccounted for stink hanging on us all as we shuffle out mindless, in need of a drink, a moist towelette, a good goddamned book.
.

Aaron's Johnson

.
I've been telling you for over a year, since A Million Little Pieces first screened in Toronto in September of 2018, that Aaron Taylor Johnson apparently flashes his Fassbender in the film. And I've been bringing it up A Million Little Times since -- just a couple of weeks ago I shared the red-band trailer that was nothing but a wink-wink towards this fact. And yet this morning, only seven hours after the film dropped online at Midnight, I wake up unsuspecting and see somebody yelling at me on the internet for me not having done my requisite duty in alerting everyone to what's happened. What's a guy gotta do???

But you know what? I'm not gonna hold it against anybody. (I mean I might hold something against myself if Aaron wants to come my way, but I'm getting ahead of myself.) We're all a little shell-shocked this morning. (Everything is sounding like a dick pun to me right now. Shellshocked? Turtles...) Because this isn't just "some nudity." This is above and beyond the call of duty. This is, "Michael Fassbender who?" This is, "I just became a man all over again" class stuff. I feel hair sprouting up in places I never had it before! I'm talking too much. Let's let Aaron and his not so little NSFW friend do the talking after the jump...

Five Frames From ?

.





What movie is this?
.

Good Morning, World

.
Well here are two photos from Orlando Bloom's July shoot for ICON El Pais magazine that I missed when I posted the others -- see the others right here -- not to mention when I posted a ton of Orlando photos earlier this week. I'd say I can't keep up with him but that's basically a given -- I can barely keep up with my lungs incessantly demanding the effort to breathe. Morning, everyone!


Thursday, December 05, 2019

Little Women Sure But What About Big Girls

.
Apologies for the relative dullsville up in here today -- I've been staring at my computer screen like the crown prince of the dullards all afternoon. I've got about three reviews I should be writing before tomorrow and my cursor, well, I've put the curse in it. I got a fat lot of nothing! So basically, yeah. I give up for today. Everybody put on their Well Wishing beanies and wish me up a good night's rest real hard and maybe tomorrow I can bring something better.


Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:


Joe: I don't even know
what the fuck is going on anymore.

Take from this what you will but I am really, really, really feeling the despairing and nihilistically raging mindset of You Were Never Really Here these days. Whee, a happy 50th birthday to director Lynne Ramsey, the cinematic poet of our times, today!


George Mackay Eight Times

.
Sam Mendes' WWI film 1917 is out on Christmas Day (here's the trailer) and I'll get around to reviewing it before then (hopefully -- reviews have been tough coming as of late) but I will say for now that it's worth seeing and it's worth seeing on the biggest screen you can see it on because it's drop-dead beautiful thanks to the ever amazing Roger Deakins shooting the thing. 

But then I already said all of this once when I posted those pics of Deakins & Mendes etc at the screening I attended last month; really this is just filler for these new shots of George for something called Glass Man Magazine. Also filler -- my life until I see George's other big upcoming movie, Justin Kurzel's True History of the Kelly Gang (more on that here). Now hit the jump for all of these snaps...

Five Frames From ?

.




What movie is this?
.

Buenos Dias, Mundo

.
Ricky Martin getting the fit of his new suit just right 
ought to wake us all up good and proper this Thursday.
.

Wednesday, December 04, 2019

Sir Hammer & Friends

.
I only just now realized I've been tweeting about this news but not mentioning it here, and this is obviously the sort of thing that deserves attention -- earlier this week Armie Hammer was spotted hanging out at a gay bar in Hawaii with Michael Fassbender and Taika Waititi (and also Michael's wife the actress Alicia Vikander, sigh, I suppose I have to mention her). Fassy & Taika are there  on the island shooting their soccer movie Next Goal Wins, which I have been covering a'plenty. Unfortunately nobody seems to have taken any photos of this happening -- HOW -- but Armie did Insta his presence in Hawaii this afternoon, so it seems like this did indeed happen. ETA oh wait I couldn't even finish typing this post before somebody shared a photo of Armie with Taika!

But that's not the end of it! In Armie's Insta he mentions he's shooting something there in Hawaii and I couldn't figure out what it might be (something non-Nile-based for Death on the Nile?) but the rumor-mill's stating it looks like he might have a small role in Taika's film itself! Armie & Fassy sharing the screen? Will my heart actually literally explode? Stay tuned!
.
.
In other Armie news did anybody watch his adventure with Bear Grylls last night? I swear to god that I lost all sense of time during the scene where he tried to crawl through a little cave opening while wearing a wetsuit and the camera just stared at his ass for... seconds? Minutes? Hours? I might actually still be there inside that cave watching that happen right now and everything since has only been a hallucination.


Skrein To Come

.
Don't mind me, I'm just going to be camped out on Icon El Pais' website from now until whenever the inside photo-shoot attached to this cover image -- this swarthy sweaty sleazy cover image -- of Ed Skrein shows up. Did any of you actually go to the movie theater and see his Roland Emmerich movie Midway? I never did but I doubt anything topped (heh) these snaps Luke Evans shared from the set...

.
While we wait for that ICON shoot to appear though I did just remember I stumbled upon a few photos of Ed in a couple of other magazines a couple of weeks ago and I totally forgot to post them! Blaspheme! Hit the jump and I'll right that wrong...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:


Norman: I know that in the cosmic scheme of things,
ittle boys are small, but some days they can be...
some days little boys can be giants.

Has anyone seen this recently? I haven't seen this in twenty years at least and I really remember very little about it, but it's director Mick Garris' 68th birthday today so I'm thinking about how maybe I should give it a re-watch. I'm mostly curious about Anthony Perkins' performance and also about how it plays in a post Bates Motel world...

... like, I don't remember that it was Olivia Hussey playing Norma at all! Was she any good? I mean obviously she wasn't Vera Good, but maybe she did her own thing. The boyfriend was just watching Black Christmas two nights ago and I literally said, "What the hell happened to Olivia Hussey anyway?" And now here, an answer. Psycho IV happened to her.
.

Orlando Bloom Seventeen Times

.
This post began as "Orlando Bloom Four Times" -- I was just going to share the remainder of a photo-shoot I previously posted a single fine photograph from right here -- but then I made the mistake of checking around and lo behold since then he's dropped a more than few photo-shoots for other magazines on us, so here's all I dug up. 

Along with that shoot he did for Flaunt and that shoot he did for ICON and then that shoot he did at the start of the year for a magazine called Love the twelve months that've made up 2019 have been a crowded time for pro-Orli eyeballs. (Oh if only he'd gone naked paddle-boarding once more.) Hit the jump for the rest... 

Sweet Dreams of James Bond

.
The first trailer for Cary Fukunaga's James Bond film No Time To Die with the returning Daniel Craig slipping in and out of every well-tailored suit in the Northern Hemisphere has arrived this very morning, and if you haven't watched it already I have it for you here:
.
.
My first thought upon watching it was... well, this:
.
.
But my second thought was gee damn it looks pretty:





That's the super talented Ana de Armas in the last shot, who most of you probably saw kicking ass in Rian Johnson's Knives Out this past weekend -- the Bond movies are sometimes so goddamned good at capturing just the right person at just the right moment, aren't they?

And then there's Rami Malek, proving the opposite. I know I know, he just won an Oscar for a movie that made a billion dollars or some shit... emphasis on shit. I'll try not to carry my continuing loathing over to this but it's been rough, for me, even here a full year later. I have fully stopped watching Mr. Robot, a show I once loved. Sigh. Well I've got until April 8th, when the movie comes out! What do y'all think of this trailer?