Monday, January 16, 2017

Which Is Hotter?

.
Something tells me we'll have several opportunities before the release of the Baywatch movie to compare and contrast the hotness levels of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Zac "The Slab" Efron, but these two beefcake centerfolds from a 2017 calendar they just dropped (thx Mac) are today's opportunity! (Oh and you can click that image, it embiggens.)
.

.

I Watched Some Wiener-Dog This Weekend...

.
... I've seen it before, obviously - I even reviewed it, which is a thing I do sometimes! - but I was killing time before dinner last night and watched the first twenty or so hilarious minutes with Julie Delpy and her "Mohammad raping Croissant" story, and I realized one important thing that should not be forgotten about the year 2016 -- genius cinematographer Ed Lachman has spent as much time in his life perfectly lighting and framing Cate Blanchett's gorgeously manicured red fingernails tracing across her golden fur coat as he has spent perfectly lighting and framing a long, loving pan of doggie diarrhea, and we have Todd Solondz to thank for that. My point being, there is beauty in this world - you just need to know where to look.


Riz Ahmed One Time

.

JC Lives

.
Apologies to anyone who clicks over to this week's edition of "Beauty vs Beast" at The Film Experience and finds themselves depressed by it - I'll fully admit my tone this week (slash ever) is kind of nasty and fatalistic (and will remain so for the foreseeable future, probably) but whatcha gonna do? John Carpenter would totally understand, I think, and so it's good I'm celebrating his birthday today with his 1988 sci-fi goofball They Live then. We can despair together.
.

Do Dump or Marry: Moonlit Menfolk

.
In lieu of a photograph of Moonlight's triumvirate of adult gentlemen Mahershala Ali, Trevante Rhodes & Andre Holland all standing together while giving their best pouty come-hither at us - since I cannot find one (seriously, photogs of the world, get on that) - I think that gif of Andre giving us some secondhand sexy will do. You can see some more of Trevante right here a little more Ali right here. And with that you should all take yourselves to the comments to Do Dump or Marry 'em...


Five Frames From ?

.




What movie is this?
.

Great Moments in Movie Shelves #89

.
I finally got to see Aquarius with Sonia Braga this weekend since it finally went up onto Netflix and I can't recommend it highly enough. Braga's fantastic and the film as a whole takes her lead - it's smart and sexy and immensely satisfying. I wish I'd gotten out to see it in the theaters, but now none of us has got any excuse. But speaking of the "sexy"...

... there's a sex-scene at the midpoint of the film that's set against the backdrop of Braga's character Clara's exquisite bookshelves (so great they got a shout-out at The Film Experience as one of 2016's "Most Coveted Things") that really screamed out for MNPP coverage. Oh and it's a NSFW (not to mention somewhat spoilery) so let's take it all after the jump...

Good Morning, World

.
I have a feeling this is gonna be another shitty week - and this is only the beginning! - so let's try to cheer ourselves up this morning with a half-naked Romain Duris goofing around and camping it up (half-nakedly so) in the 2002 film Seventeen Times Cecile Cassard.

It's working! I feel a little bit better already. He's magic. Anyway I haven't actually ever seen this movie - is it worth seeking out? I mean besides it having a scene where this happens, which automatically makes it so, of course.


Friday, January 13, 2017

See Ya 2016

.
There are a lot of things we should be grateful to the movie Moonlight for - it's a damn fine piece of film-making after all - but I am maybe most grateful for the gift of Trevante Rhodes. (See also a picture we just posted on the Tumblr.) Anyway I lead you in with Trevante so I can get you to click on over to my real purpose -- earlier this week I participated in a 2016 Critics Poll for my pal Jason Shawhan at Nashville Scene, along with a bunch of other folks you might recognize. Click here to see our communal thoughts on the year along with a list of the best as we saw it. Moonlight won, spoiler alert, which brings it all together. And thanks to Jason for the invitation!
.

Today's Mood

.

Friday the 13th's Ways Not To Die

.









Jason X (2001)

It's been about ten weeks since we did a proper Ways Not To Die post (while watching Jane Wyman get hit by a car one hundred times might be fun, it's not proper) - with the holidays and all the "spiraling into a political nightmare" stuff I've been distracted. I am still distracted. But it's Friday the 13th and my namesake demands sacrifice, so sacrifice we shall.

And what better sacrifice then DAVID CRONENBERG himself? I wish his death scene was a little more elaborate -- Cronenberg deserves better; he deserves something as good as what John Waters got in that Chucky movie -- but there is some fun to be had from David Cronenberg having something burst through his chest, too.

I've said this many times but I like Jason X way more than Jason X deserves - god it's a bad movie, but it really doesn't take itself seriously and it's got some of the series' most creative death scenes, this one excepted. It's certainly better than Jason Takes Manhattan or Jason Goes to Hell or (shudder) the most recent film. 

Speaking of you'd think they'd try to announce some news today about the latest Friday film (and I suppose the day's still young so perhaps they will) but the last update I can find is back here; right now Breck Eisner, the director of The Crazies remake (which is pretty good!) and the writer of Denis Villenueve's film Prisoners are attached, and those are positives. Of course Platinum Dunes producer Brad Fuller, who really is the worst, had this to say:

"'We have a great writer. He’s a better writer than we deserve for this franchise."

Dude why are you even making these movies? I mean I know why, it's the same reason Donald Trump became President - ka-ching! ka-ching! - but he clearly hates the whole ordeal and having his name and reputation sullied by them, so I wish he'd just sell the damned thing to somebody who does care and be done with it.

Aaaaaanyway they have dropped the found-footage angle, which most people were annoyed by (personally I don't mind found footage films and I was curious, but not so much that I care that they've dropped it) but they're still obsessed with showing the Voorhees Family (they really want to bring in Jason's father) which is irritating - nobody cares! Just kill some sexy goddamned camp counselors! God it's not rocket science. And as far as I know they're still planning on hauling this thing out in time for this October's Friday the 13th, so they better get going. Cast the whole Voorhees Clan! Just get to it!

Hit the jump for links to all the Previous Ways Not To Die

Five Frames From ?

.




What movie is this?
.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:


Don Don Canneloni: Hymie Kaplan. 
What a surprise. Ooh, ohh, wow. You look great. 
So, what brings you to the Pinto Ranch? 
Business or pleasure? 
Hymie Kaplan: May I have a chair? 
Don Don Canneloni: Oh, certainly.
Don Don Canneloni: Oh. It's business. 

Oh, Charles Nelson Reilly. What do we make of Charles Nelson Reilly today? He was a fixture of my childhood in movies like this and on game shows, mincing around, always the joke, but really the only gay around. Is he the gay Sidney Poitier? No definitely not - he's more of our Stepin Fetchit I suppose, but I always liked him all the same and I still do. I'm certainly more Charles Nelson Reilly than I am Neil Patrick Harris. Anyway Chuck would've turned 86 today if he hadn't died a decade back. (He looked I posted about it at the time.) He will not be forgotten!


Good Morning, Kit Again

.
I know what you're thinking - Kit Harington two times in a row? What is this, that really spectacularly filthy dream I have been having every night for the past several months? No, you're awake, I assure you. I've just had these pictures (again of very high quality -- click on 'em to embiggen) of Kit modeling the latest in "miniature narcissist at the gym" gear sitting on my computer for quite awhile now, and when I posted those lovely two shots last night I was reminded these needed to go up too. So top of the morning to you (or bottom, whatever) and hit the jump for twelve more shots...

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Feeling Better With Kit

.
I've kind of fallen into a rage spiral this afternoon while reading the news, so here are a couple of pictures of Kit Harington (really high quality ones at that - click 'em and be wowed by how much we all embiggen together) to calm us down. Or at least to reroute the blood from my brain to other places. Ahhhh yes, better.


It's A Crime Against Fur-Manity!

.
A photo posted by Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) on
.
I apologize for using the word "fur-manity"
but this was an emergency.A fur-mergency!

Have you been following Armie's injury? I guess while working out recently he tore his pectoral ("right off of the bone" is how he put it, which is just too gross to even think about for too long) and he's getting some sort of surgery today and with it comes shaving. What a horror. I mean get well and everything, Armie, but grow that shit out again as soon as you can, please. Priorities!


Fashion Horror Hags TV

.
So apparently Ryan Murphy is holding court today all day long, dribbling out prime lil' nuggets o' news to the press from his golden fainting couch -- choice bits: American Horror Story has been renewed for a dozen more seasons and Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters (hi Evan) will star in them all even if Ryan has to sic Kathy Bates to hobble them with a sledgehammer. 

Also Lady Gaga will not be playing Donatella in the Versace season of American Crime Story - she's too damn busy! So we can get back to what I suggested then...
.

.
Anyway the most important item to come from his most honorable television diva's endless press conference is the first teaser for Feud! Feud is the show about the rivalry between Bette Davis and Joan Crawford starring Susan Sarandon (go fuck yourself, Susan) and Jessica Lange, as if I have to tell you queers that.The show will premiere in March 5th and all we've got is a shaky cam version but for now, watch and wonder...
.
.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:


Jean: What's that? 
Patrick: Duct tape. I need it for... 
taping something. 

 A very happy birthday to Mary Harron today,
who saw all of this coming 16 years ago.
.

Pic of the Day

.
Entertainment Weekly's new cover has The Defenders - aka Daredevil & Jessica Jones & Iron Fist & Luke Cage, aka Charlie Cox & Krysten Ritter & Finn Jones & Mike Colter - gathered all together at last! Okay we actually saw them all gathered together at New York Comic-Con a few months back, and Sigourney Weaver (who's playing the villain) was there too, but this is like an official picture or whatever. See the story here. And as soon as a picture of Charlie Cox and Mike Colter making out is released I'll be on top of it. I mean this placement feels promising to me...

ETA oh there's also a behind-the-shoot video which you can watch here, from which I made the following very important gif: