Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Beach Body By Cavill

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How much pressure do you think Henry Cavill's publicist has been putting on him to do one of these beach photo-shoots? (Let's not pretend the photographers just happened to catch him, surprise, okay? We're all adults here.) And I wonder how many of these publicists saw Orlando Bloom's Dick Adventure and doubled and tripled their dogged efforts. The bar's been already raised, Henry! But we'll take the baby-steps alongside you, baby. We'll even hold your... hand? Sure, hand. Hit the jump for the rest...

Alan Bates, Mustache Icon

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I should have known better than to even go looking for pictures of Alan Bates in Georgy Girl earlier today for my post on the movies of 1966, because what happens when I go looking for pictures of Alan Bates in anything any time is I end up looking at pictures of Alan Bates forever, and ever. Today started with Georgy but before I knew it I had stumbled upon the above picture of Alan in Richard Lester's 1975 film Royal Flash, and now I am obsessed. It didn't take much. Just...

... that mustache and several strange and erotically-suggestive shots of Bates with his co-star Malcom McDowell to do it. I have absolutely no clue what's going on in this movie...

... but I can't wait to find out. Have any of you seen it? The entire thing has been uploaded onto DailyMotion thankfully, so our internet-scouring isn't too difficult to do so, if need be. Here, let us watch it together...
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:


J. Lawrence Bradford: I'll ask you to return my check, please.
Carol King: Your check, huh that's on exhibition over there 
on the wall. I figured you'd stop payment on it. 
 J. Lawrence Bradford: I'll take the necessary steps... 
Carol King: You'll do what? Listen, you made a sap out of 
yourself and you tried your best to make a sap out of me. 
Now I never want to see you again, understand? 
And as for your check, well, you don't think I hold 
myself as cheaply as all that do you? 
J. Lawrence Bradford: Cheaply? Ten thousand dollars? 
Carol King: Well that's your estimate of me, not mine. 
That check is framed, not cashed! I put it there to remind me 
never to get mixed up with your kind again! 

My boyfriend's a big fan of the Busby Berkeley musicals and even though I'm not much for musicals I've made it through them on the strength on two things and two things alone -- 1) those kaleidoscopic dance numbers they're famous for, and 2) Joan Blondell, who I always find extremely likeable.

And it's good to have somebody on-screen to like when there are gorillas like Ruby Keeler & Dick Powell clomping around. (Ugh those two are the worst.) Anyway here's my favorite thing from any Berkeley movie -- the "Forgotten Man" number that ends this film:
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Blondell was born 110 years ago today! 
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Great Moments In Movie Shelves #81

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"Put... ze... candle... beck."

I caught James Whale's The Bride of Frankenstein on TCM this past weekend and every time that happens not a week can pass without me digging out my copy of Mel Brooks' 1974 film Young Frankenstein to complete the set -- well with Gene Wilder's death yesterday this took on a sad urgency. I'm glad to say that even with that spectre cast upon it the film still had me crying with laughter, and I knew once I was reminded of this scene we'd be posting it today. Here:
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One thing I wanted to note on this movie that I haven't entirely formulated out in my head but I figure it's now or never what with the way my attention span's dissolved into non-existence -- the roles for the actresses in Young Frankenstein (the tremendous trifecta of Teri Garr, Madeline Kahn, and Cloris Leachman) are as funny, if not funnier, than the men's.

I suppose in a sane world such things wouldn't need to be pointed out, but this is a film written and directed by men, as so many are, and these days it feels so novel (case in point: Rose Byrne in the Neighbors movies) when a woman's given anything to do in a boy's movie that watching this movie from 1974 kind of felt like a revelation seen through today's lens.

Granted we're talking about comic-actresses with the chops of Teri Garr, Madeline Kahn, and Cloris Leachman here! And they were often the best things in movies that were paying less attention to them, too. But give 'em the chance and pow bang right in the schwanzstucker. And we have (many, many) comic-actresses out there today capable of these comic heights. We just gotta stop sticking them in shitty roles -- we've regressed in such odd ways, in some ways. Let's stop it.

5 Off My Head: Siri Says 1966

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Siri, the strange lady who lives inside my phone and talks to me, is determined to make this series pretty easy for me - the past several times that I have asked her to pick me a number between 1 and 100 she has rarely strayed out of the latter half of the 20th Century, when movie-making was full tilt boogie and where I have many options from which to choose. I keep feeling self-conscious about this, like you're going to think I'm cheating and asking her several times before I get one from an easy year, but I promise you: I go with whatever one she says first. I haven't gotten a repeat year yet. 

So anyway this morning Siri told me 66, whether you believe me or not, so The Movies of 1966 it is. We did 1967 just three weeks back, which brings with it a complication - one of the movies I chose for my five favorite films of 1967 is Michelangelo Antonioni's Blow-up, which had a weird release schedule that straddled the two years. I went with 1967 because I wanted it on my list then, but you need to know that if I hadn't used it for that earlier list it would have made this list. Blow-up is one of my favorite films of ever. (One of the films below also straddles the two years but I'm using it here, so tit for tat I guess.) So let's get to what did make it...

My 5 Favorite Movies of 1966

(dir. Mike Nichols)
-- released on June 22nd 1966 --

(dir. Ingmar Bergman)
-- released on October 13th 1966 --

(dir. Robert Bresson)
-- released on May 25th 1966 --

(dir. Roman Polanski)
-- released on November 7th 1966 --

(dir. John Frankenheimer)
-- released on October 5th 1966 --

(Note: It's weird that all of my picks from a year well into
 the 60s are shot in black and white, right? An atypical bunch!)

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Runners-up: Georgy Girl (dir. Silvio Narizzano),
Torn Curtain (dir. Alfred Hitchcock), 
Django (dir. Sergio Corbucci),
Fantastic Voyage (dir. Richard Fleischer),
Masculin Féminin (dir. Jean-luc Godard),
Chelsea Girls (dir. Morrissey/Warhol)
Never Seen: Chimes at Midnight (dir. Welles),
Daisies (dir. Chytilová), A Man and a Woman (dir. Lelouch)
What are your favorite movies of 1966?
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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Good Morning, World

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I did that post about Travis Fimmel's cup of spooge last night and it's only a hop skip n' jump, mentally-speaking, from Travis to Vikings and Vikings to Alexander Ludwig, his co-star on that show, and here we are. (via) Thing is I have encountered a bit of a mystery and anybody that actually watches Vikings you can feel free to clear this up for me -- there have been some shots of Alexander's bum going around over the past week...

... reportedly from Vikings, but all I've been able to find are still shots, and so I thought I'd make a gif and I went looking for the clips and I can't figure out where this happened. There's a scene in the 3rd episode where this happens...

... but as you can see we don't get a shot involving buttocks there. Perhaps the butt-shot is off an uncensored cut of the show for the blu-ray release and that's why we're only seeing it now, so long after this episode actually aired? Ideas? Or is just looking at the butt enough for you? Thinking is overrated when butt is available, that's what I always say.


Monday, August 29, 2016

Ewan Ewan Everywhere

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(via, thx Mac)
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Great Moments In Movie Shelves #80

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There isn't much I have to say about Rebecca Miller's pleasant film Maggie's Plan - which stars Greta Gerwig as a "Greta Gerwig type" who breaks up a marriage and then tries to put it back together once she realizes they were all better off before - it's pleasant? I don't have much enthusiasm for watching Ethan Hawke on-screen anymore so that probably dampened my reaction to the movie, since watching goddesses of the Gerwig & Julianne Moore kind fight over him kinda rankled. 


But the film does have one glorious moment that brings together so many of The Things I Love that I had to give it love in return. Greta Gerwig? Check. Greta Gerwig dancing? Check. Greta Gerwig dancing in front of bookshelves? Check! Greta Gerwig dancing in front of bookshelves while Travis Fimmel and his great big bushy beard jerks off and then waves his jism around proudly?

CHECK!!!!!
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H Is For Happy! Haneke! Huppert!

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I was at a party filled with like-minded movie-lovers this past weekend and Isabelle Huppert came up - as she must - and I just started frothing at the mouth - as I must - about her work in Paul Verhoeven's upcoming rape-comedy Elle. (If you missed my review of that film you can read it here.) But there's a (hysterically funny) moment in Elle that calls back to a moment her performance in Michael Haneke's film The Piano Teacher, and in a brand new interview Huppert has shared some info on her new collaboration with the director titled Happy End...

“I’m just finishing Michael Haneke’s film now. This is also the reason for my presence here in London. We had two days of shooting here. This movie is completely different from what I did on, say, The Piano Teacher. And certainly different to Amour. It is an ensemble film, with lots of characters. He calls it a ‘freeze frame’. It’s a portrait of a family, and everything that implies. It’s a very quick view of a family. There’s no psychology. It’s very factual. Just the facts. It sounds like Code: Unknown, but it’s different to that. It’s certainly more like Code: Unknown than The Piano Teacher, where you follow a single character. The aim is that everyone who sees it will be able to create their own film."
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:


Willy Wonka: A little nonsense now and then 
is relished by the wisest men. 

you giant amongst men.
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Ice Ice Baby

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Nobody ever agrees with me on this but it's alright, I know I got it right and will one day be vindicated -- Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin is a stone-cold camp classic, y'all. I know I'll get ridiculed for sharing that opinion over at The Film Experience, which I just did for this week's "Beauty vs Beast" contest, but I am frozen stiff... with conviction on this one.

Jax Got Jacked

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Charlie Hunnam was caught by the paps getting a flat tire over the weekend -- most importantly Charlie Hunnam was caught by the paps getting a flat tire over the weekend while wearing a wife-beater and sweats. The boy can work some slob-wear. The funny thing is that in L.A. even your tow-truck driver is a hot dude with an Instagram account full of gym selfies, so this happened...
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Here are a couple other pictures of this guy...

This was so close to being gay porn, you guys.
So, so close. Hit the jump for more Charlie...

Most Extraordinary Craft

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Apropos of nothing but the strange head-space I find myself in this Monday morning I got to thinking about the fact that two of the most endearingly cheese-tastic acts of the 70s put out trippy tracks with atypical sci-fi themes within the space of a couple years -- The Carpenters' astonishingly weird song "Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft" was released in 1977; it was a cover of a song by the prog band called Klaatu (who're delightfully named after the alien in The Day the Earth Stood Still, which will always be Evil-Dead-themed in my head since that came first for me).
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Thing I just learned as I wrote up this post -- this song did so well for Richard & Karen that they did a related TV special called "The Carpenters...Space Encounters" -- which is uploaded entirely onto YouTube (split into eight parts) because we live in an incredible world where nothing, no matter how bizarre, is more than a click away, and which you can watch beginning right here at this link. I must watch it immediately. Next up...
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... we have "The Visitors," the title track from ABBA's 1980 album, which I have always heard as a song about aliens coming to carry poor Frida off to their spaceship, but which Wikipedia is telling me is actually about "protest against the mistreatment of political dissidents in the Soviet Union at the time." Ummm okay? I guess that aliens wouldn't ring the doorbell so it was silly of me to read the song that way in the first place, but I'll never let it go.
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Godfrey Gao Seven Times

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Hey Hollywood! You seein' this?
Can you get on this? (Lots more of this right here)
Please and thank you. Hit the jump for five more...

Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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