Who Wore It Best?

Crowded field for birthdays of perennial beefcake today -- we already wished Michael Fassbender a happy one this morning but we had other options, given both Chris Meloni and Pedro Pascal slid out their mommas on an April 2nd (the former in 1961 and the latter in 1975). Finding a commonality between these two proved difficult -- I was hoping I'd find pictures of Pedro in a half-shirt or a skirt to go up against photos of Meloni's memorable turns in both of those but they weren't to be. But both have been photographed multiple times wearing white tank-tops -- and as an aside I do understand why we can't use the term "wifebeater" any more for obvious reasons but I do miss its brevity -- so we'll go with that butch-bitch staple. (Butch Bitch is okay, right? Whatever.) Have at it!

online polls

Good Morning, World

So who else wants those ladies sweet, sweet gig?

Honestly I have no idea what they're doing but I still want it.

You Win This Round, Krasinski

There isn't a whole lot that could make me want to see a kid's movie directed by John Krasinski and starring Ryan Reynolds -- a pornographic movie, sure? But a kid's movie? Nahhh. I am of the mind that Krasinski's Quiet Place movies are politically retrograde and shoddily crafted and Ryan, bless his continued hotness, has turned himself into a brand who only churns out terrible Netflix movies. But then they went and released a trailer for their kid's movie called If -- it's about a teen girl who can see everyone's imaginary friends -- and they put Ryan in suspenders...

... and against bookshelves no less, and this is a pure and undiluted act of violence against my will, y'all. I love a man in suspenders. I've admitted this fetish before but ever since that formative photograph of shirtless Benjamin Bratt's back in suspenders appeared in my life back in the day I have had very little willpower as far as suspenders are concerned and Ryan appears to spend...

... like half of this dumb movie in a shirt and suspenders. Violence, I say! Anyway I'm not posting the trailer but you can watch it right here -- there are really good people doing (what I assume is) voice-work in this movie too. People like Maya Rudolph and Sam Rockwell and Christopher Meloni and Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Fiona f'ing Shaw! So I won't hold it against anybody if they're excited about this. I'll just be over here with these gifs feeling very unclean, is all.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Bird With the Crystal Plumage (1970)

Sam: Why did you wall up your house?

Berto: To keep out the busybodies!

Born eighty-six years ago today was the actor Tony Musante, best know for playing the lead in Dario Argento's debut picture -- I wish I'd gotten the chance to see this one's brand new 4K remaster when they screened it at FLC here in NYC last week as part of their Dario Argento retrospective since this is one of Argento's most visually arresting films and I don't just (just) mean Musante in those tight 1970s trousers. Its big murder-scene set-piece at the art gallery really is one for the record books. 

Probably Musante's other best regarded role is as one of the thugs in the 1967 NYC terror flick The Incident alongside Martin Sheen -- they play a pair of nogoodniks who hold a subway train hostage and I've heard great interesting things about this movie, especially as one of those dangerous-vibed NYC flicks that we all love so much a la The Warriors and The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, but I've never seen it! Need to fix that.

Visually everything I've seen from The Incident looks gorgeous, with those dark black-and-whites. It's on blu-ray so I imagine some of you have seen it? Anyway Musante worked as one of those familiar Italian-American character actors right up until his death in 2013 -- he did episodes of everything from Police Story to The Alfred Hitchcock Hour to Marcus Welby to The Rockford Files -- he also had a recurring role as a mobster on Oz, I guess. He was definitely one of "Those Guys." You know those guys. They're Those Guys. 

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... taking a peek with Chris Meloni 

and Dylan McDermott. (via) 

Quote of the Day

Yes indeed the big guy Chris Meloni did another thirsty photoshoot for us -- all ye Zaddy enthusiasts rejoice! 2021 has been a stellar year for we Stabler-stans thanks to his return to that SVU show or whatever (I so don't watch those shows) -- I'd say the prime moment was the half-shirt for Interview Magazine (see here) but this new Men's Health cover-shoot is coming close! I think...

... it's the short-shorts that make it. Although for all the talk of his butt in the interview there's not a single shot of him showing off the butt in question? It's like yeah okay we'll let you talk about your big ass but it's still too gay to show it. WTF. 

But he does talk about his beloved bum some and that's where our quote of the day comes in -- and hilariously it comes from noted genius director Marielle Heller, who cast Meloni as the stepfather character in her grand directorial debut Diary of a Teenage Girl. Says Heller:

"There was a moment when we were filming and this fan came up to him and asked to take a picture of his butt... He posed in a funny way, then turned to me with this sly smile and said, ‘There’s kind of a thing about my butt. People are really into it."

Yes we are, Chris. So why you hiding it for the damn photoshoot??? Sorry to sound like a broken record, but some things are important! Give us Chris Meloni's ass or give us death. That said as I was bitching about this I watched some of the long workout video that Men's Health also posted on their site and Meloni does do some squats in that! So all's not lost.

Still I'd prefer a cheesecake photo a la the Coppertone Girl with a big dog pulling down his short shorts -- why aren't I shooting these things, man? (Sidenote: remember when Marky Mark recreated the Coppertone Girl shot? More of that.) Anyway the shoot's good even if it's not quite as far as I'd have taken this clearly-willing-to-self-exploit person; hit the jump for it all...

Today's Fanboy Delusion

 Today I'd rather be...

... Christopher Meloni's favorite topping.

Many thanks to Interview Magazine for gifting us with one more quick glance at Mr. Meloni's photo-shoot for this month's issue -- if you missed the big bulky bulk of that click here, we looked at it there oh how we looked at it.

Good Meloni, World

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Chris Meloni (@chris_meloni)

If Chris Meloni offers us some set photos from that hot Interview Magazine photoshoot we got last week we will post them -- you can count on me! Except, well, when you can, i.e. maybe not right this minute -- I gotta tell ya, this week is gonna be a mess, y'all. A bloodbath. Tribeca is happening, I'm behind on a ton of things, and my day-job is also asking a lot of me today... so I'm just telling you it might be weird this week. Sporadic. Haphazard and half-assed! I'll try but be patient, my loves...

Christopher Meloni Sixteen Times

Thank goodness this arrived, for multiple reasons -- Christopher Meloni's in the new issue of Interview Magazine and at 60 years old -- sixty! -- he's looking as fuckable as ever in the attached photoshoot. Some things might change but that, thankfully, remains a constant. I recommend not reading the entirety of the chat with him though because he comes off a little annoying? 

One second he says he's got a trainer, the next he says he's against trainers, then he says he loves cops (ugh), and then the passage about "testing servers" well I wish I could wipe it from my brain. So that is what I will now do, by looking at fourteen more photos of him doing his best Vintage Jane Fonda after the jump...

I Am Link

I haven't done a link round-up like this for ages! They always end up taking way more energy than they ought to -- I mean the whole idea is to present news in bite-sized portions, but I can never keep myself from rambling. You know me. But also I don't know if, due to the pandemic, we've had a period quite so thick with movie news as  the last several days has been -- aww, nature is healing! (Wear a mask.) Let's get to it.

-- Two Big Ds -- The actor who calls himself Brad Pitt has just joined the cast of Lost City of D, which already has Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum attached. I thought I'd posted about this movie when it was first announced but the archives say no -- anyway it sounds like a broad re-do of Romancing the Stone; Bullock is playing a romance novelist, Tatum is playing the Fabio-type model for her book covers, and the two of them get dragged into a romance and also a kidnapping adventure in the jungle while on one of her book tours. DH says Pitt's role is a cameo, one he did in exchange for Sandy doing a cameo in his forthcoming action-thriller Bullet Train. 

--- Take A Bite Outta -- Even though the news is only a couple of weeks old I'd already forgotten that Evan Peters was going to play Jeffrey Dahmer in an upcoming Ryan-Murphy-produced miniseries, so it's good to have this interview with him in Variety remind me. (thx Mac) He briefly talks about prepping for the part, alongside mostly speaking about his Kate Winslet detective series Mare of Easttown, which is out this weekend. I don't know where that series came from, it really snuck up on me. I only heard about it for the first time like a week ago and now it's here!

--- Leftover Man -- If that Justin Theroux shirtless cover-shoot for Esquire magazine that I shared yesterday wasn't enough for your Theroux-thirst then you can head over to Interview Magazine, where he's also chatted up alongside some fine beard photography -- he's got that Mosquito Coast TV program hitting on Apple soon (already?) and that's what all of the press is for. That said this chat is a good reminder that he is a naturally very funny individual, hotness aside. 

--- Real Thick And Juicy -- I am sure you've all been happily following along with all the talk of Chris Meloni's ass ever since he (and it) popped back up on SVU a couple of weeks ago, but if you missed it Meloni has been milking his ass for all it's worth (god, phrasing) -- EW rounded up some of the fun, bouncy chatter. Jump on it and bounce, baby! (thx Mac)

--- Bad Fish -- I've become sort of a stealth fan of the Danish actor Pilou Asbæk in a few things over the past several years -- Lucy, Ghost in the Shell (in which he had a Lot of Look, seen to the left), Overlord, and of course his welcomed snarky turn on Game of Thrones last few seasons, which really needed the snark, so I'm happy to hear he's just been cast in the Aquaman sequel in an unspecified role. It will probably be a villain, since he's European. This is known as the Mads Mikkelsen rule.  

--- And Finally I was happy to read yesterday that the actor Fabien Frankel had landed a big role in the Dorne-centered Game of Thrones spin-off prequel called House of the Dragon; as seen below Frankel really grabbed my attention opposite Tahar Rahim in the Netflix series The Serpent, which I've mentioned here on the site oh once or twenty times.

Also -- hello Fabien Frankel, please be in lots of things after this, Fabien Frankel pic.twitter.com/GQ5UXiJjzb

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) January 4, 2021

Good Meloni, World

I feel like I never see TV commercials anymore since who watches live TV anymore? And yet I still somehow know that Christopher Meloni is returning to Law and Order SVU through TV commercials -- I guess they must air them during the news, aka the one TV thing I watch live still. That would make sense, target-audience-wise, I suppose. Anyway in honor of Meloni's triumphant return to SVU -- not that I ever watched that show in the first place; I just like looking at Meloni -- here are a pair of gifs from a memorable "Meloni on SVU" moment which I never posted back in the day. Enjoy! Good morning!

Good Morning, World

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I wished Michael Fassbender -- more specifically Michael Fassbender's Michael Fassbender in the movie Shame -- a happy birthday yesterday, but I just as easily could've gone with wishing Christopher Meloni a happy birthday since my love for these two actors is pretty well even... so let's wish Meloni a happy belated day today with some gifs from his Netflix show Happy that I've never gotten around to before. 

You know I say I love Meloni, but I never actually watched Happy? I suppose I should get on that, even though I know it was cancelled and now he's headed back to the Law and Order umbrella with a spin-off about his Detective Stabler character. If Meloni's gonna do spin-offs I wish he'd do one about his Oz character most of all -- yes I know that delicious gay freak Keller croaked (sorry y'all spoilers have a twenty-year expiration date) but that's what writers are for. Imagination! Hit the jump for more Happy making gifs...

Which Is Hotter?

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survey service

Meloni asked this question on Twitter,

we will add a pole. Excuse me, poll.

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Chev: A man who calls himself The Ferret.
Venus: El Huron.
Chev: You know him?
Venus: No. It means The Ferret in Spanish.

As I wish this movie a happy 10 today -- it was released on April 17th 2009 -- I ask myself, could the extraordinarily un-PC Crank movies be made today? I mean they were offensive in 2009 (and please keep in mind that I don't mean "offensive" as a slight, not in this context) but now, now I assume they're slightly toxic. I haven't re-watched them since they came out but just remembering the Bai Ling scenes alone makes me, uh, worry. But they're so over the top that they're clearly knowing parodies of hyper-masculinity at the same time, so perhaps they manage...? I don't know. I don't personally feel like revisiting and depressing myself today; maybe you do. (Here's my original review although be forewarned half the links in it are dead by now.)

The co-directors known as Neveldine / Taylor who made the Crank films, along with Gamer and the second Ghost Rider, had cornered the market on way out there parodically hyper-masculine action flicks for a hot minute -- Neveldine married actress Alison Lohman and they both (him and Lohman) disappeared but Taylor's kept working. He does Chris Meloni's show Happy (which makes sense given the little I've seen, it seems to be carrying the bonkers torch) and his newest project just got some big news this week: he's making a TV series out of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World and it is going to star Alden Ehrenreich. That's an interesting mix of folks I cannot wrap my head around entirely...

Good Morning, World

.

I guess I should probably be watching 

Chris Meloni's show, right? Do you?

.

Jai's Gotten All Wet & Hot For Us

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I know I watched the Wet Hot American Summer prequel series on Netflix subtitled First Day of Camp when it was released in 2015, I know I watched it like the day it was released, but it's weird - I remember basically nothing about it. I suppose I should re-watch? Any opinions on it from y'all? Anyway the sequel, long promised, subtitled Ten Years Later is dropping on August 4th and look who is showing up!

I might be the only person who watches that trailer, stuffed with comedy legends, and cares most about Jai Courtney being there, but I yam who I yam and who I yam is a Jai stan. (I should have that tattooed on my right butt cheek, probably.) Anyway do you guys think Amy Poehler had her pick of suitor, and she demanded Jai? I like to think that is what happened - she flipped through a catalog - I'll take that one! Here's the trailer:

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In conclusion...

 ... what are you doing, Chris Pine???

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Tweet of the Day

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@Chris_Meloni I finished the Oz series two days and I'm depressed about it (especially with the end of your character), how to handle?

— Ariano Médio (@LuksAnd97) July 10, 2016

Take a shower and pretend I'll be joining u https://t.co/qAS8QZ3W6v

— Chris Meloni (@Chris_Meloni) July 10, 2016

.

And Christopher Meloni continues his reign
as the King of the Cockteases. (via, thx Mac)

Good Morning, Gratuitous Reid Scott

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It is Veep star Reid Scott's 38th birthday today -- thing I just learned looking at his IMDb page: he and I are only four months apart age-wise (yes, he's younger, sigh) and he grew up in Albany, New York, only a couple of hours from my hometown in Upstate New York. So basically we were best friends but we didn't know it at the time is what I am saying. Where's my invite to the Emmys, asshole?

Anyway I did some scouring to find skin scenes from Reid and save this one instance -- on some short-lived 2013 show called How To Live With Your Parents (For The Rest of Your Life); jeez there are more letters in that title than episodes that aired -- they either don't exist or nobody paid them enough mind to put them on the internet. I am fairly certain he's never shown any skin on Veep but it's not that kind of show - the most we ever got there was Christopher Meloni sticking his suit-clad ass in the air but Christopher Meloni has it written into his contract that he musy do something sexual on-screen every time he appears, bless him.

As for Reid, even if he's fully clothed in all of this I still gathered up a bunch of pictures of him cuz why not. It's his birthday! Looking at the shots I convinced myself he could probably play Farley Granger in a bio-pic? Anybody else see it? He's not as adorable as Farley but there's something similar going on, and I think he could channel him. Anyway hit the jump for the rest...

Good Morning, World

.

Happy Monday, everybody - so how many of you plowed through all eight episodes of Netflix's Wet Hot American Summer series this weekend? I sure did, and... it had its moments. (Many of them provided by Kristen Wiig, of course.) I actually think it might benefit from spacing the episodes out and not binging though -- I got a little bit numb to the wink-wink absurdity of a lot of it about halfway though. My advice is take the episodes slowly, then. We've had fifteen years with just the original movie - what's a few extra days?

Quote of the Day

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"He's a good kisser. But we both have scruffy bearded faces even if we shave. So, us putting out two beards together... man, when the kiss was over I pushed him off, like, 'Damn!'"

Damn indeed. That's Brian Bloom, who we just celebrated the birthday of yesterday, talking to TV Guide back in the day about making out with Chris Meloni on Oz. Great big bountiful thanks to Ruben for leaving a link to this in the comments; we'd never read it before and we, uh, dig the way it makes us feel. In related news our pal Manuel's series on the gay history of HBO over at the Film Experience actually got around to Oz today, along with notes on a few of the channel's other homo-friendly series too.