Good Morning, World

Aww look at Vilhelm Blomgren, you guys! That snap's off his Insta and is supposedly from his latest project Gösta, a Swedish comedy that streams on HBO Max -- anybody seen it? I know nothing about it save what Vilhelm's Insta said (which was, you know, the title) but if you tell me to watch it I will watch it. I'm easy! 

And if you're all "Vil-who? Blom-what?" Vilhelm Blomgren played the terrifyingly sweet and terrifyingly brainwashed Pelle in Ari Aster's masterpiece Midsommar last year -- I don't believe I mentioned it here on blog but I just re-watched Midsommar on Thanksgiving night (yes it's a spring movie but it's also a feast movie so it fit) and that movie, y'all, that movie continues to fuck.

Every time I rewatch Midsommar it is Vilhelm Blomgren’s performance I find myself unable to look away from — every time he’s onscreen, even in the background (especially when he’s in the background), watch him - it’s fascinating what he does and doesn’t let on pic.twitter.com/ULUfalHmQ8

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) November 27, 2020

13 Mustaches of Halloween #13

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I know, I know, I already used Wes Craven's Scream once for this series - it's a bit of an overkill to double-dip. (See our ode to Deputy Dewey right here.) But once it occurred to me I could hardly be expected to resist Craven's self-referential cameo playing a high school janitor named Fred with a penchant for familiar knit-wear...

"No running in the hallway."

Wes is of course referencing the scene in original Nightmare on Elm Street where Nancy falls asleep in class and bumps into a diabolically-inclined hall-monitor, which leads to one of my favorite lines of dialogue in a movie full of great quotable lines, namely...

Giving himself a cameo in the film, even as another character, also feels like a shout-out to Craven's New Nightmare movie, in which he played himself, blaming himself for unleashing a monster - that's probably too much to read into the cameo though since Craven gave himself cameos in several of his movies; he was in Shocker and Red Eye and all of the Screams... although his bit as a coroner in the fourth one got cut from the final product. You can see it here:
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Anyway "Fred the Janitor" in the first Scream is my favorite of his cameos and clearly the best - he pops up in the scene where the Principal (played by the Fonz, aka Henry Winkler) is being stalked by Ghostface in the school as a red (and green striped) herring...

Honestly I've always hated this murder and found it dumb and gratuitous but I guess that's the point - these are dumb and gratuitous high school boys doing the killing (uhhh I guess spoiler, but come on, the movie is 22 years old now) and these lunkheads would totally murder their principal just cuz. And at least the scene gives us Fred!

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and Happy Halloween, everyone!

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13 Mustaches of Halloween #12

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I've never seen Blacula or its sequel Scream Blacula Scream -- I suppose I should get on that! Especially since Blacula himself, aka the abundantly mustachioed actor William Marshall, would most importantly go on to play the "King of Cartoons" on Pee-wee's Playhouse a decade and a half later. 

Anyway while I was reading up on Blacula for this post today (in lieu of me actually having gotten my shit together and watched the movie) I learned that Blacula starts life as an African Prince who goes to visit Count Dracula in the 18th Century to seek some help stopping the slave trade, only to get turned into a vampire for his troubles, which... is quite the origin story. But then there's also...
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... what comes after that. Blacula is woken up by two centuries later by two mincing interior designers, performed as the bleakest of the 1970s flamboyant homosexual stereotypes -- they ship his antique coffin to Los Angeles only to get immediately murdered for their daringly outré taste in home decoration. The nerve.

See all our "Mustaches of Halloween" right here!

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13 Mustaches of Halloween #11

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Earlier on in our "13 Mustaches of Halloween" countdown I express incredulity that anyone would find Gary Oldman's Dracula in anyway sexually alluring (and judging by the poll results y'all agree with me) but now I must make an admission in the opposite direction -- I don't understand why Robert Shaw's cocky shark hunter Quint in Spielberg's Jaws isn't a Longstanding Sexual Icon. You just know many a night, kicking back a dozen cold ones with his best mate, one thing leads to another thing and as they say what happens on the Orca stays on the Orca. 

I can't be the only one that picks up on an... energy... between him and Richard Dreyfus though, can I? For all of Quint's little ditties about "bow legged ladies" he's definitely inspected some same sex booty in his day. I bet he uses his story about the Indianapolis Disaster to get everybody feeling all primal, happy to be alive, they start "comparing scars" and then retire to their bunks and before you know it somebody's walking the plank (the plank is his penis)...

13 Mustaches of Halloween #10

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If you're feeling up for a really strange and slow but surprising movie to watch this All Hallows Week I've got a good one for you - Aldo Lado's 1971 giallo-of-sorts Short Night of Glass Dolls is streaming on Amazon Prime and it's pretty effing weird! It stars Jean Sorel and his mustache...

... as a not-quite-dead man who spends his time on the slab both looking really sexy for being not quite dead as well as having reminisces about the shenanigans that got him into this hella awkward situation. 

Big thanks to Garrett for suggesting this choice when we asked on Twitter for reader suggestions! Leaning into giallo films for this series was inevitable - those European Men of the 1970s sure loved their mustaches, and we sure love looking back at them still.

Jean Sorel was still making movies up until two years ago but it looks like he's retired - he had a crazy career though, starring in things like Sidney Lumet's adaptation of A View From the Bridge in 1962, in Luchino Visconti's 1965 film Sandra... 

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Luchino Visconti suuuuure could shoot men pic.twitter.com/cNmGYCgXZE

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) October 27, 2018

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... (and leave it to Visconti to make him look that gorgeous), he was in The Day of the Jackal in 1973, he was in another giallo of note Lucio Fulci's A Lizard in a Woman's Skin (man they had the greatest titles) which I've posted about before right here, and he played Catherine Deneuve's clueless hot husband in Bunuel's Belle Du Jour...

I wonder why we don't hear his name more often? 

Justice for Jean Sorel!

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13 Mustaches of Halloween #9

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Did you know that Invasion of the Body Snatchers director Philip Kaufman didn't tell Veronica Cartwright that Donald Sutherland was going to do this when they shot this scene? You can read her telling of it in this interview, but that reaction of hers is apparently genuine - she says she'd been told to expect something else and when Donald did the alien-snatched scream reveal he freaked her the fuck out. Funny enough that's exactly how I reacted the first time I saw this movie too!

Good Morning, 13 Mustaches of Halloween #8

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If you're doing a series on Movie Mustaches it's only inevitable that you'll get to Sam Elliott at some point - he's the Movie Mustache King, after all. Hell he might win an Oscar for Gruff Mustaching like nobody's ever gruff mustached before in A Star Is Born this year.

But if you're doing a series on Horror Movie Mustaches it gets a little more complicated, because Sam Elliott hasn't done a ton of Horror Movies. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think he's only done two. There's Frogs in 1972, in which he goes, blasphemy, mustache-less! And then six years later in 1978 he starred in The Legacy with Katharine Ross...

... which is the subject of today's post. Which is fine by me, even though I've never seen The Legacy (should I see The Legacy?), because this is the movie with Sam Eliott's bare-assed shower-scene in it, something we've never posted here on the site before, and I know you'll find this hard to believe but we're totally ready to seize our opportunity. Come with me and come with Sam after the jump for the rest of the immortal scene...

13 Mustaches of Halloween #7

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My personal hero the great Vincent Price died on this day in the year 1993, meaning we've now been without my favorite movie star (maybe my favorite person) of all-time for 25 whole years. No wonder everything's gone to shit! Anyway I'm finally doing something I've wanted to do for years this year - I'm having myself a Vincent Price Dinner Party this weekend! The boyfriend will be cooking meals from Vincent's legendary cookbook A Treasury of Great Recipes and I'll be decorating (think skeletons and purple) and I've already got my cape and cravat prepared. I'm positively giddy.

That's not why we're here, though - but I do think this is an idea that should spread, given Vincent's death having happened so close to Halloween - everybody go and do this! No we're here a rogue's gallery of Vincent Mustachio! Did any actor ever do as much of his acting with his facial hair?

And why would they? In the inestimable words of Ralphie (Dawn Weiner's gay best frenemy in Welcome to the Dollouse), Errol Flynn thought he was hot shit but he was really just cold diarrhea, at least when it comes to comparison with Vinnie's prize stache collection.

I don't know if I could ever really choose a Favorite Vincent Price Mustache, there are so many whisker-ful wonders to behold over the course of his five-and-a-half decades long career, but if somebody held a gun to my head...

... although I don't know who would dare... Vincent... VIncent... put the gun down, Vincent... ahem, if somebody made me choose I guess I'd have to go with the one he wears in The Abominable Dr. Phibes.

It's both stylish and decrepit, the two most important factors in anything Vincent Price related. It's got it all! Flair and menace and fancy-pants - heaven and hell in a collection of decadent whiskers.

Viva Vincent!

Click here for the previous "Mustaches of Halloween"

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13 Mustaches of Halloween #6

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Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula is very nearly a perfect movie, in my ever so humble opinion - nearly perfect except for one little thing: Gary Oldman's young sexy Dracula is not in any way shape or form sexy. Don't come at me, bro. He just isn't. Oldman does a commendable job playing Old Wizened Dracula and Werewolf Dracula and Pile Of Rats Dracula - all of those things I can buy Gary Oldman as. But sexy? With that weave?

Their sex scene is definitely somewhere on my list of movie moments that had me going full Val Cherish with a deep-throated "I don't need to see that." That said Ryder & Oldman are at least able to sell me on the sweep and spell of their ancient doomed romance... but the non-sexiness of Gary Oldman becomes even more problematic for me when it comes to the character of Lucy...

... because Miss Lucy already has two perfectly ride-able mustaches right there at her disposal. Prissy Cary Ewes and Cowboy Billy Campbell, man! You can't go wrong with Cowboy Billy Campbell.

But perhaps I'm nuts? Y'all tell me...

survey hosting

And click here for the 13 Mustaches of Halloween!

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13 Mustaches of Halloween #5

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Gale: Is there a problem on campus? 

Dewey: No. Everything's under control.

Gale: Well, of course. You're here.

Dewey: You're not supposed to be here.

Gale: I know. I should be in New York covering 

the Sharon Stone stalker, but who knew? 

You look awfully young to be a police officer.

Dewey: I'm 25 years old.

Gale: You know, in a demographic study, I proved to be 

most popular amongst males 11 to 24. I guess I just missed 

you. Of course, you don't look a day over 12. Except in that... 

... upper torso area. 

Does the force require you to work out?

Dewey: No, ma'am. 'Cause of my boyish good looks, muscle mass 

has increased my acceptance as a serious police officer.

I mean can you even with these two? The palpable chemistry between them was a huge part of what made Scream work, and I mean all four films -- no scenes were scarier to me then the ones where Wes Craven put one or the other (or them both) in danger. The thought of Gale or Dewey having to see the other one murdered was always too much to bear, and remained that way for every single sequel. I'm so happy Wes insisted they have a happy ending.

Anyway I chose that scene for this here holiday tribute to horror mustaches because of what a stroke of genius Dewey's Stache was in undercutting all of his Adult Man Posturing - that mustache makes David Arquette look unfailingly adorably goofy, and in its strain towards Man Stuff actually makes him look more like a little boy. 

Click here for all the 13 Mustaches of Halloween!

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