Thursday's Ways Not To Die

Scanner Cop (1994)

Kind of can't believe it took me until this week to watch one of the Scanner Cop movies, given I'm such a big fan of the original Scanners film (aka anything David Cronenberg ever touched) -- I suppose its status as a property only nominally related  to his classic 1981 film (it's set in the same world but nobody involved with the original had shit to do with this) was enough for me to shrug it off and you know what? I wasn't wrong to -- it's fairly awful. But it does have a few moments so ridiculous in their badness...

LOL I forgot the drug in Scanners is called "Ephemerol" David Cronenberg really is the greatest to ever do it

[image or embed]

— Jason Adams (@jamnpp.bsky.social) September 1, 2026 at 8:42 PM

... that it's not an entirely fetid experience, and the one up top really made me howl. The story is that ordinary people are being brainwashed to kill cops, and in this moment a cop's wife for some reasons is made to envision a gigantic devil cockroach when her husband playfully shows off his badge. I don't know but the devil cockroach got me. Also her chopping of a head of lettuce made me think about the head of lettuce scene in 1988's Slugs and anything that makes me think of Slugs is worthwhile. Viva Slugs! But not so viva Scanner Cop. If any of you have seen any of the other sequels tell me if there's any reason to watch anything else. Otherwise I'm probably bailing while I'm, uhh, behind. Until I get the urge to watch a bad movie again anyway. So... tomorrow? Probably tomorrow. Hit the jump for links to all of the previous Ways Not To Die....

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

Soulm8te (2026)

I considered throwing the disgusting half of this scene behind a page-jump but you know what? The site's been too yuck-free lately -- we needed to bring some yuck. I miss the yuck. So there's the yuck! Enjoy! Anyway -- speaking of not yuck -- the minute I learned that my Daredevil crush Arty Froushan was in the M3GAN spin-off Soulm8te I knew I would be watching Soulm8te...

Oh I guess the M3GAN spin-off SOULM8TE got dumped onto streaming amzn.to/4fU7kcz so obviously it's high-quality! That said I will probably still watch it because hey look Arty Froushan

[image or embed]

— Jason Adams (@jamnpp.bsky.social) August 3, 2026 at 1:11 PM

... and you know what? I'm glad I did. As far as 2026 movies reveling in the "crazy girlfriend" trope I'd rather watch this trash than I would the critical and box-office hit Obsession -- at least Soulm8te doesn't pretend to be something it's not. Still, as much fun as I had with this incredibly dumb movie, I do feel a responsibility to point out that the "that bitch" genre of bro-horror is tip-toeing itself back onto the scene and we should all do our part to shoo that shit back into the Aughts. Shoo, misogyny, shoo! Okay now that we have solved sexism, hit the jump for links to the previous ways not to die...

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

Lethal Weapon (1987)

I guess it's been longer since I'd seen Lethal Weapon than I realized because I have no memory at all of this ridiculous scene -- why the hell is Tom Atkins suddenly holding a carton of Egg Nog in front of himself like that??? Why did Gary Busey just shoot him through it... besides Busey gonna Busey??? But truth be told the only thing I do actually remember about Lethal Weapon is Mel Gibson's ass reveal...

...and, granted, that was enough in my tender youth to get Little Me to watch this movie dozens of times. This one definitely fell under the banner of straight guy movies that little gay boys could watch and get something out of them that their peers were not, alongside every movie Jean-Claude Van Damme made. Anyway I'm not here to ogle the ass of an asshole -- I'm here to celebrate the 87th birthday of the genre icon Tom Atkins, who inexplicably cradled that carton of egg nog like the goddamned professional he is. Legend!

Hit the jump for links to all the previous Ways Not To Die...

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

It's always a shame when David Corenswet has to go but we do sure like watching him walk away. Hit the jump for the rest...