Wake Up Spider-Bum

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A week ago the first proper trailer for the second Amazing Spider-Man movie appeared, and forced me to pretend I was seeing something in its first shot that I really wasn't. My ability to delude myself into hints of actually absent gratuity is magnificent! See, that trailer cuts off its opening shot here...

... just before it gets to the good stuff! I figured the shot actually ended there so I feigned happiness, but the shot actually doesn't end there - we were ROBBED. I know this now because there's an International trailer and apparently they can handle full Spider-Bum better than we can in Europe, because LOOKIT.

Spider-Bum is all over this trailer. And there are actually a ton more shots of Andrew Garfield in general in here, so I guess that on top of Spider-Bum (mmm on top of Spider-Bum) the Europeans can handle more actual actors that aren't just special effects, as well. Watch the trailer here:
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And hit the jump for a few more caps of Adorable Andy...

TGT12: The Great Gratuities #15-11

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Yesterday we gave you the runners-up and the first five of our top twenty of 2012 menfolk flashing their wares - let's keep it trotting along. Here's the next five six!
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TIE: Andrew Garfield in The Amazing Spider-Man - I don't know how many times I typed the words "Spider-Bum" this year but it's got to number in the dozens. What a wonderful use of my time! Let's do it some more! Spider-bum, spider-bum! Does whatever a Spider-bum does! (see more here and here and here and here)...

... and Robert Pattinson in Cosmopolis - Okay so this tie is totally a cheat, I'll fully admit it. Somehow I left Robert off my list in its earlier drafts, so this is me cramming him in. (It's a lot like his limo-bound prostate exam in that way.) This is whereabouts he would've gone anyway, which would have sadly bounced Jesse Williams off the top twenty, so it's all good. It's not like more gratuity is a bad thing! It's kind of the point. In summation, Robert's never been sexier. Cronenberg's whole cold flat thing works wonders - I totally want some afternoon delight with this sociopath.

Charlie Hunnam in Deadfall - Granted it's only a quick flash in a dark room, but I wouldn't be me if I weren't lavishing my everything on a naked Charlie Hunnam, now would I? I've been doing it for a dozen years, I don't know how else to be. And he gets bonus points for the brief side-naked shot in Frankie Go Boom below. (more here)

Henry Garrett in The Wicker Tree - Literally the only moment I remember from this movie, but I'd say it's plenty. Garrett's playing a good ol' boy Christian bumpkin who gets lured into sinning with astonishing ease - well when you've got a body like his, sinning is really the only option, if you ask me.

Matthew McConaughey in Magic Mike and Killer Joe and The Paperboy - Here's where this being a personal list rears its head. I know Matt oughta rate higher since this is the year he just said fuck it and let it all and I mean all hang out, in three movies at that! He just does so little for me, personally. Hey at least he made it onto the top twenty, unlike his Magic Mike co-star Adam Rodriguez who similarly does very little for me and only got runner-up status. Count your blessings, Matthew. Your firm, round blessings.

Jean Dujardin and Gilles Lellouche in The Players - I didn't even see this movie and I assume this was a tossed-off gag but oh my god I don't care it turned a dream I didn't even realize I dreamed into flesh. Now we just need to get a pile of American stars to follow suit. (see more here)
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poll by twiigs.com

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Spider-Bum, Spider-Bum...

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Okay are they kidding me with that picture? Is there a camera crew filming me secretly right now for some modern-day Candid Camera type situation? Well I'm sorry to tell you crafty jokers but there's no way you can use this footage cuz it's getting all X-rated up in this business right quick.

Earlier we saw the cover of the new Entertainment Weekly with most of Andy's front-side, and now EW's released a gallery with several more pictures, including the above spider-bum shot, and the below shirtless shot.

I find it so odd that I have to defend the hotness of Andrew Garfield so much to people. Are people just blind? Is that it? Is this that Julianne Moore movie? Cuz if it is I am not having any sex with Mark Ruffalo so this is disappointing.

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Spider-bums Assemble!

This has been a rumor floating about for a few months but it seems this week we've gotten confirmation that the next Spider-man movie from Marvel is going to be a Spider-verse movie that will bring in both of the previous Spider-man actors -- that'd be Tobey Maguire and our boy Andrew Garfield seen above -- to swing alongside the Spider-twink himself Tom Holland. My reaction to this news yesterday was...

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE pic.twitter.com/QDGJg5zGkw

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) December 8, 2020

... predictable. But this is some nerd heaven, and since I have continually loved the Spider-man movies since the Raimi days this is my kind of nerd heaven. A Spider-bum Heaven! Besides having all of the Spider-twinks and Spider-twunks twerking in one place a couple other names have been officialized, those being Kristen Dunst back as Tobey's and the world's best Mary Jane... 

... and yes, she will get them tigers, and also the franchise's greatest villain (all apologies to Jake Gyllenhaal as Mysterio who gave a properly valiant effort) Alfred Molina as Doc Ock, from Raimi's second film. This inspired a much more respectable tweet from yours truly shortly before the more lecherous one...

Experiencing Spider-Man 2's subway fight in a New York City movie theater three years after 9/11 was... well I'm crying right now remembering it? It was the probably the best, most moving emotional catharsis that an action movie has ever gifted me pic.twitter.com/DdBfN3KSLS

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) December 8, 2020

Red Dead Bum

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It's a shame that the character of Deadpool doesn't have a name that allows me to come up with as good a nickname for ogling him as Spider-Man did - Never Forget The Ultimate Spider-Bum! What am I supposed to call that - Dead-Bum? That's positively necrophiliac.

Anyway Ryan Reynolds (or maybe one of his stunt-doubles, but as with Andrew Garfield we prefer wiping them out of mind in these instances) was pictured in his Deadpool costume on the set of his new superhero movie this week (via) and while this costume's leaves more to the imagination than the webslingers did, we've still got to give props to Ryan & Co for realizing the folly of their cg-suited ways on green Lantern. That wasn't good for anybody. Oh, and...

... there's how Ryan is looking these days, under the costume (via). I only know a little bit about Deadpool but I know he's supposed to be covered in horrible scars so I doubt this is what Ryan will actually look like in the movie, unless... does the character have a pre-scarring origin story? I really don't feel like looking the back-story up right now, my current ignorance is sitting just fine with me, but if anybody wants to share information in the comments go to town. And the rest of us will hit the jump to stare at some more pictures of Deadpool-bum!

The Second Coming Of Spider-Bum

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Because it's a thing I do, I just gathered up all the pictures I could find of Andrew Garfield on the set of the second Spider-Man movie the other day. Even if I'm less than impressed with what they've got going on with this new latex take on my beloved Spider-Bum, it's not like I'm gonna quit staring, or balk at the idea of staring at Andy in something so snug for twenty minutes, give or take. In the absence of a plumped-up backside my eyes are wandering towards other locations and there are thankfully other rewards to be uncovered. Hit the jump for over forty shots...

Spider-Bum Rushes The Stage

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Wait just a cotton picking minute - did Andrew Garfield wear the Spider-Man costume on stage at Comic-Con and this is the first I'm hearing of it? What the what now? Has anybody heard or seen anything else? With all those cameras pointed at him there's bound to be some Spider-Bum on tap, if so... anyway keeping with today's theme here's a video I have not watched of Andrew Garfield at a press conference at the show talking about the gay Peter Parker thing again. Bless him.

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Spider-Bum Redux

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How did I miss that a second picture of Jake Gyllenhaal and Tom Holland's shapely as ever Spider-bum in Spider-Man: Far From Home got released around the same time that they dropped that first one that broke my brain? Maybe it was just that, that my brain was already broken, and it couldn't even process the second one? Anyway there's a second one (via), which has got me thinking that Far From Home (out in July) might just be the greatest Marvel movie ever made at this point. But what do we think the chances are that Mysterio will be a character that makes it into the fourth phase of Marvel movies? After watching Endgame I read somewhere (can't recall where) that his character points towards more magic a la Doctor Strange being brought into the Verse, but I just want Jake to stick around if I have to keep going to these things. I earned that. 

Our Last Fling With Spider-Bum

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At least until The Amazing Spider-Man 2 comes out on May 2nd. And then until the third movie comes out. And the fourth. Okay I have no right using the word "last" anywhere near the context of this. But that's a good thing! We'll be rolling in Andrew Garfield's ass for ages. (Ahh, bless that sentence.) Anyway the final trailer was released today for the movie, and while there's not much new Spider-Bum-wise to take in there are a couple shots in the trailer of Spidey swinging around the city that are frankly kinda totally astonishing.

I actually felt a twinge of that feeling of awe that Sam Raimi captured in the first film when Peter finally got swinging around the city. The verisimilitude from these special effects is kinda unbelievable. Anyhoo here's the trailer:

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Good Morning, World

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I don't know about you but nothing wakes me up quite as quick as some brand spanking new Spider-bum does and so I must give Marvel some thanks this morning here for offering up the first tease for the trailer for Spider-Man: Homecoming (that's the one with Tom Holland's Spider-bum). The full trailer is apparently showing up tomorrow but for now (butt for now) here's that glimpse:

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Good Morning, World

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Today is the 31st birthday of the actor Andrew Garfield, best known for playing one of the clone kids in Never Let Me Go. These shots are from some other movie he was in, I don't know, some drama about science, ethics and personal responsibility, I guess.

Also chicken feathers, spandex, and spider-bums. Probably not in that order. Coincidentally The Amazing Spider-Man 2 hit bluray just yesterday, in case... somebody out there liked it enough to bring it home? I dunno about that - the film's reception was such a shrug that Sony seems to have reshuffled all of their big money superhero movie plans in its wake.

Nobody really blames Andy for that though. (Except my boyfriend, who hates his performance as Peter Parker and much preferred Tobey, but nobody should listen to him.) I felt kinder to the movie at the time than I really feel in retrospect, but then I get high off Spider-bum and can't see straight, so... nobody should listen to me, is my point. Happy birthday, Andrew!

I Am Link

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--- Dream Master - I have no patience for screenwriter David Goyer after the final Dark Knight movie and Man of Steel shit the bed, but I can't say that a movie version of Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics starring Joseph Gordon Levitt as the dream dude doesn't grab my interest. Apparently he's trying to get Warner Brothers to make it happen, and they are "receptive."

--- Something About Asgard - Apparently the most recent episode of Agents of SHIELD dealt with shit that happened in the new Thor movie, but I still haven't seen the new Thor movie so I don't know what Joss is talking about here. I'm not sure I'm even caught up on SHIELD anyway; I've been behind all season long. 

--- Tele Vamp - I still haven't read Guillermo Del Toro's trilogy of vampire books that go by the name Strain and now I don;'t have to, because FX has gone and ordered thirteen episodes of the series that carlton Cuse (Lost, Bates Motel) has been working on. Basically they're gunning for The Walking Dead's massive numbers, I imagine. Vamps replace zombies, and go.

--- Buggin Out - The second Amazing Spider-Man movie might not be simply called The Amazing Spider-Man 2 anymore - DH seems to think they're calling it The Amazing Spider-Man: Rise of Electro. Nothing clunky about that. I'd prefer they go with The Amazing Spider-Man: Peter Loves Harry, personally. Anyway the first trailer, hopefully featuring as much of spider-bum as can possibly be crammed into 120 or so seconds, will be playing in front of the also-terribly-titled second Hobbit movie.
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--- All About Spike - Spike Lee's Oldboy remake comes out in a week so we're being subjected to listening to him tell us how awesome he is in interviews, like this one in the New York Times. I like a lot of his movies and I think he can be a terrific storyteller but good god he usually makes for a pretty insufferable interview. Michael Jordan's pissy behavior is not laudable, dude. (thanks Mac)

--- And finally, if you've seen Alfonse Cuaron's Gravity (and I certainly hope you have by now, for goodness sake) then you know the scene where Sandy gets a hold of somebody on the radio? Cuaron's brother son (and co-writer) Jonas went and made a short film from that person's point of view. Watch it!

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Ansel Elgort Four Times, For Spider-Man

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I haven't read the cover story on Ansel Elgort in Details magazine and I can't imagine I ever will but hey have at it if you so desire. I'm not here to tell you how to waste your day - you're here after all. You make your choices. Anyway Ansel does look cute in the pictures, which is why we're even bringing this up, of course. 

I have seen his name bandied about amongst the names being bandied to play Spider-Man now that Andy Garfield and his awesome Spider-Bum's been given the (expected) boot - I don't see it, Ansel-wise, but I do hope they go with somebody younger for the part. Younger than Ansel, even. (He's an ancient about-to-turn-21 now.) Not for pervy reasons but because that'd be the best way to separate Peter Parker from the rest of the geriatric Avengers. 

Who do you think should play Spider-Man?

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I Am Link

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--- Dirty Movie - I wasn't all that nuts for Jeff Nichols' film Mud (here's my review) but I love Jeff Nichols, so I'll go ahead and link on over to Tribeca Film's passionate defense of the film and curious wondering why it's being all but forgotten here in awards season. Bonus it begins with a giant shot of Matthew McConaughey with his shirt off.

--- Yule Just Die - There's nothing better - absolutely nothing! - than an horror-themed Christmas movie to get me in the yuletide spirit, and today over at The Film Experience Anne Marie is looking at three of the best. I pretty much have got to watch Gremlins immediately.
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--- The Good Bits - Film.com is counting down the one hundred greatest scenes of 2013 (they'll post the final twenty-five on Monday) and going through it it was a whole bunch of "damn damn I missed that movie" over and over again, stressing me out. But in a good way...? Anyway my favorite write-up from therein is my pal Daniel Walber's take on one of the sex scenes in Kill Your Darlings, which I entirely co-sign...

"Kill Your Darlings is in many ways a film about transition. It bridges the gap between the dark violence of the closet and the bright sensuality of Allen Ginsberg’s poetry, the jump from hidden queer art to open expression. This one scene is a tortured, erotic expression of this in-between. Ginsberg finds himself trying to distract a college student library volunteer, a woman who ends up responding with a bit more enthusiasm than he expected. Meanwhile his friend Lucien Carr sneaks in. As they stare at each other through a stack of books, they seem to share Ginsberg’s orgasm. It’s an old, often unfortunate pre-Stonewall metaphor: homosexuality metaphorically expressed through a conduit, two men connecting through a woman. Yet here it seems on the cusp of finally coming out. It’s a complicated moment, rich with metaphor and also pretty hot."

--- Make That Tom Hairdy - It's not quite enough to justify an entire post, but the first pair of official pictures of Tom Hardy in Child 44 are here and man I want to just have sex with his hair-cut. I love a good sharp line like that. The film co-stars Jason Clarke, Vincent Cassel, and Joel Kinnaman and hopefully they all have drastic military cuts (Kinnaman does, we saw it on set).

--- Fashion Parade - I keep getting distracted with movie trailers today, I've got to write up my thoughts on American Hustle, I know I know - til I finish that, here's a list of the fourteen best costumes in the movie, for the fun part, and here's our bud Joe Reid's review of the movie, for a little less fun. I mean Joe's review is fun ("talking wig of a movie") but he might just dampen your enthusiasm for seeing it.

--- Sinister Leader - The truly cool news out of Sony developing an entire world of films a la The Avengers for Spider-Man (besides all the Spider-Bum we'll be getting of course) is that Drew Goddard, the man not named Joss Whedon behind The Cabin in the Woods, is writing and perhaps directing a Sinister Six movie. I'm only vaguely aware of what Sinister Six even is, but Drew Goddard, man! This is on top of the Daredevil series he's going to be running for Netflix. Drew everywhere!

--- And Speaking of Spider-Man, I posted the shots of Justin Matthew Sargent and Reeve Carney in Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark off of this countdown of the hottest guys of Broadway 2013 over at our Tumblr, see 'em here, but the whole list's full of doozies so check it out. (thanks Mac)
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Great Moments In Movie Shelves #36

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This morning I got tickets to finally see Ramin Bahrani's 99 Homes (thanks to MoMA's yearly "The Contenders" series, which is totally the best) and that put Andrew Garfield on my mind and before you knew it I was watching clips of Spider-bum in action and here we are. 

I can't imagine Andy wants to think too much about Spider-man right now, given the sound ass-tossing he's been given, but at least he's got good projects lined up. I trust he can shimmy the stink of these movies off and have a long career. 

But as long as we're talking Spider-man...

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Thank you @GymaidLtd and GJTC for an awesome day and thank you so much for the awesome Airtrack mat. I can't wait to have a play. It was so good to be back in the gym so thank you thank you thank you for getting me started again!

A video posted by ✌️ (@tomholland2013) on Nov 5, 2015 at 8:56am PST

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... have you guys seen that video (via) of the new Spider-man Tom Holland doing gymnastics training for the role? Wow! He is an impressive little thing, isn't he?