Friday, March 29, 2013

TGT12: The Great Gratuities #15-11

Yesterday we gave you the runners-up and the first five of our top twenty of 2012 menfolk flashing their wares - let's keep it trotting along. Here's the next five six!
TIE: Andrew Garfield in The Amazing Spider-Man - I don't know how many times I typed the words "Spider-Bum" this year but it's got to number in the dozens. What a wonderful use of my time! Let's do it some more! Spider-bum, spider-bum! Does whatever a Spider-bum does! (see more here and here and here and here)...

... and Robert Pattinson in Cosmopolis - Okay so this tie is totally a cheat, I'll fully admit it. Somehow I left Robert off my list in its earlier drafts, so this is me cramming him in. (It's a lot like his limo-bound prostate exam in that way.) This is whereabouts he would've gone anyway, which would have sadly bounced Jesse Williams off the top twenty, so it's all good. It's not like more gratuity is a bad thing! It's kind of the point. In summation, Robert's never been sexier. Cronenberg's whole cold flat thing works wonders - I totally want some afternoon delight with this sociopath.

Charlie Hunnam in Deadfall - Granted it's only a quick flash in a dark room, but I wouldn't be me if I weren't lavishing my everything on a naked Charlie Hunnam, now would I? I've been doing it for a dozen years, I don't know how else to be. And he gets bonus points for the brief side-naked shot in Frankie Go Boom below. (more here)

Henry Garrett in The Wicker Tree - Literally the only moment I remember from this movie, but I'd say it's plenty. Garrett's playing a good ol' boy Christian bumpkin who gets lured into sinning with astonishing ease - well when you've got a body like his, sinning is really the only option, if you ask me.

Matthew McConaughey in Magic Mike and Killer Joe and The Paperboy - Here's where this being a personal list rears its head. I know Matt oughta rate higher since this is the year he just said fuck it and let it all and I mean all hang out, in three movies at that! He just does so little for me, personally. Hey at least he made it onto the top twenty, unlike his Magic Mike co-star Adam Rodriguez who similarly does very little for me and only got runner-up status. Count your blessings, Matthew. Your firm, round blessings.

Jean Dujardin and Gilles Lellouche in The Players - I didn't even see this movie and I assume this was a tossed-off gag but oh my god I don't care it turned a dream I didn't even realize I dreamed into flesh. Now we just need to get a pile of American stars to follow suit. (see more here)


Anonymous said...

The spider-bum wins for me, just because it was so unexpected. Andrew Garfield is cute as a button and all, but where the hell did that ass come from?!

Pattinson was also a very pleasant surprise this year.

James T said...

JA, you're really a Saint. A SAINT!

Anonymous said...

In my dreams Jean Dujardin is always the top but this works too.

Fred777 said...

I'll take Charlie Hunnam and Henry Garrett.