Good Morning, World

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I was gonna be nice and give you a shot of Aaron Johnson soaking in a bathtub in the movie Savages this morning to celebrate his Golden Globes win last night... then I was going to be mean and gif the moment in Nocturnal Animals where he wipes his ass on screen. Lucky for us all (as far as the second instinct's concerned) I went for a middle-ground and just took a couple of snapshots of the Nocturnal scene, sans the wiping.

I'm a real generous soul. It is just a little early on a Monday morning for all of that - I get it. Anyway I liked Nocturnal Animals more than most people seemed to (well people not named the Hollywood Foreign Press Association anyway) but I still think AJ winning a prize for it's a little bit goofy. My most popular (and yes, kinda mean) tweet of the night last night...

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Note to self: become a member of the HFPA
because clearly you get to fuck Aaron Taylor-Johnson

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) January 9, 2017

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... reflects that. I regret nothing. Well maybe that second drink last night - I've got a wicked hangover this morning. If only I too had time to luxuriate on my morning stoop toilet with a smoke and no cares in the world like some lucky beautiful people do...

Good Morning, World

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Lost amid the tumult of the past week's relentless nightmare qualities is the fact that I rewatched Tom Ford's Nocturnal Animals a second time - I tweeted about it at the time though, so hoo boy if you're not following me on Twitter are you missing me rambling some more. You wouldn't want to miss that! Anyway I continue to have complicated, but in a good way, feelings towards the film (here's my review in case you missed it)...

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This photograph seen in NOCTURNAL ANIMALS was shot by Richard Misrach (called "Desert Fire #153") and it is ASTONISHING pic.twitter.com/enqDmnkd9c

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) January 24, 2017

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... I think it's messy but I think it's a fascinating messy, a singular messy, made by a man clearly wrestling with some shit. Shit I personally find interesting. I know people's mileage may vary on that count - I have heard how, and often - but I think there is so much friction between its fancy-pants side and its lowbrow "I'm gonna show you Aaron Johnson's used toilet paper" side that there's a lot to wrestle with in the movie, worth wrestling with.

Did I say worth wrestling with? I'd wrestle with Jake anytime. Anyway we already capped Aaron's touching toilet scene (sans that one disgusting moment, because no thank you) so it's Jake turn (it's always Jake's turn) - hit the jump for Tom Ford making Jake sitting on a hotel bed in just a pair of jeans feel like Caravaggio's sleazy fuzzy cousin...

Nocturnal Armie-ssions

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I might not have had much of a desire to see The Man From UNCLE in the end and I maybe began to find Henry Cavill creepy a bit but I still felt kinda bad for Armie Hammer when the movie flopped and some people branded him a flop-magnet -- I still think he's pretty charming, in an old-fashioned golly-gee Gary Cooper kinda way, and I keep hoping he'll find a good movie role. And I guess Tom Ford is right there with me, because he's just hired Armie to co-star in his next movie Nocturnal Animals... yes that means Armie is co-starring with Jake Gyllenhaal and Aaron Johnson. Armie & Jake & Aaron OH MYYYY. Also Amy Adams and Michael Shannon and Kim Basinger, but let's focus on the big threesome here. Tom Ford, you do us proud.

Good Morning, Clean Sad Jake Gyllenhaal

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Only someone who's studied the nudity of Jake Gyllenhaal so closely that they could teach a college course titled "The Nudity of Jake Gyllenhaal 101" would probably have noticed this but the dude is always having some sort of half-naked breakdown or half-naked capital-F Feelings in the bathroom. There are two count 'em two shots of just that in the trailer for Nocturnal Animals alone...

... which I just finally got around to watching in its entirety this morning. (I know, I know, I am so so far behind.) But if we look back at Jake over the years there are similar moments in Southpaw...

... and in Demolition...

... and a goofy one in Love or Other Drugs...

... and a semi-clothed one in Rendition...

... and back to naked-shower-time with Jarhead...

... and I think washing himself beside 

the stream in Brokeback Mountain probably counts...

Why do we insist that Jake Gyllenhaal be so clean? So clean and so, so sad? Anyway it's just a thing I noticed -- maybe Jake likes showering in front of an audience and he either chooses scripts based on those scenes being included or it's written into his contract that he must have at least one bathroom breakdown. I don't know. I don't mind either. Keep fucking that chicken, Jake, and I will keep coming for it. And here's that Nocturnal Animals trailer, in case you're as behind as me:

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Do Dump or Marry: Diurnal Animals

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Admittedly "diurnal" is an awful-sounding word but it is the opposite of "Nocturnal" and since that new picture (via; click to embiggen) of Tom Ford & Jake Gyllenhaal & Michael Shannon on the set of Nocturnal Animals was actually taken in the daytime... oh, you get it. Whatever. My point is you should tell me in the comments which out those three you'd Do just the one time, which of those three you'd Dump in a dumpster, and which of those three you'd Marry like forever and ever, no divorces allowed. So do that, and just stop side-eyeing my word choices please. It's unbecoming.

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Join The Armie!

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Armie Hammer has been spotted on the set of Tom Ford's new film Nocturnal Animals! Unfortunately Armie Hammer has NOT been spotted on the set of Tom Ford's new film Nocturnal Animals sandwiched between his co-stars Jake Gyllenhaal and Aaron Johnson; no, he's all by himself. But he looks as good as you would expect Tom Ford to make Armie Hammer to look, which is quite quite good indeed, the handsome rich bastard man.

Such Beautiful Animals

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Even though Jake is making a face like he's got to run to the bathroom in every single shot I am happy that somebody in charge got him and Aaron Johnson to line up beside each other at this week's photo-call for Nocturnal Animals in Los Angeles. And Aaron looks sharp! (Pointed absence of Jake's movie-function attire implied.) Here's let's look at the whole gang...

... mainly because I am super amused by how much Armie Hammer towers over the rest of them. I always forget that dude is such a giant. (Okay I never forget that, I am lying.) By the way if the world doesn't end next week (you know what I am talking about) then I am booked for a press screening of Nocturnal Animals the week after, finally! My impatience is eating me up! Especially with...

... the promotional materials hitting hard front left and right. Three clips from the film were dropped over here (thx Mac) but the most important one the above gif is out of, involving Michael Shannon menacing a scuzzed-up Karl Glusman (who's shockingly tall himself, I just remembered) so let's watch that together:

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Two hours of just that, please! Also the first featurette about the film was released today, with some chatter from the usual suspects plus some new-to-my-eyes footage... hey Armie Hammer...

Also I don't recall that shot of a 

dandied-up Michael Sheen before...

... and you can watch that full video right here.

But wait! There is even more Jake to stuff in your mouth today! Perhaps you recall that Jake appeared at a Broadway fundraiser for Hillary Clinton earlier this month? I didn't say a ton about it because I was annoyed I wasn't there (comparable to the crickets we've given over to Jake's recent Sunday in the Park with George performances) but Jake did a lil' thingy with Jon Hamm for it (no, not that lil' thingy, unfortunately) and we finally have video! (thx Mac)

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Put Your Beard On My Beard

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I don't normally dig motion posters but I'm willing to make an exception for these just-dropped (might we get a trailer soon?) ones for Nocturnal Animals, since they're all about zooming in closer on the scruff of Jake Gyllenhaal and Aaron Johnson (recently spotted in a passionate embrace that could not be contained). That's the sort of thing I want to lean into. I just wish they leaned closer, like to the point where the two of them crawled through my computer screen and began rubbing their chins on my chin like feral animals. Or... nocturnal... animals? Or something, I don't know, I am dizzy off delicious beard fumes right now, leave me be...

Animals & Okja In That Order

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Firstly a big new batch of photographs from Tom Ford's Nocturnal Animals have been released (via) and there are a couple of Jake standing around with Aaron Johnson that've got my heart and other hundred body parts humming...

There are a bunch more down below. But before that let me share this quote from an interview with Jake at The Playlist where he was asked about his upcoming film Okja with South Korean director Bong Joon-ho (you probably recall him looking crazy-pants with Tilda Swinton on the set a few months back):

"We tried for a decade to do something and then we were meeting up about another project, another thing he was producing. We were sitting in New York maybe a year and a half ago, maybe a little more. And I said, ‘What are you working on?’ And he tells me, ‘I’m drawing these drawings for a movie I’m thinking about doing’ and he shows me this picture of this… creature and this little Korean girl next to the creature. I asked, ‘What is that?’ ‘I’m thinking of making a children’s movie.’ ‘Is there a part for me?’ And he was like, ‘Hmmmm, I think maybe. Let me get back to you.’ And then he was like, ‘There is a part for you.’ I said, ‘I don’t care I’ll do it. I don’t even need to read it.’ And then I read it and it was so great. He’s like, ‘It’s this doctor and he’s a mad man and he has an animal show.’ And I was like, ‘I’m already in!'"

If Jake's been trying to do something with director Bong Joon-ho for a decade then he's been trying to do something with him ever since The Host came out in 2006, which means Jake has the proper idiosyncratic taste that I figured he might. I mean I'm not the biggest fan of The Host -- I think it's pretty overrated. But the two films that Bong made after it, Mother and Snowpiercer, are much more successful, and it's still a surprisingly sideways direction, off to South Korea, for a Hollywood dude to head for work. Aaanyway you may go ahead and hit the jump for eight more Nocturnal Animals pics...

Jake The Great

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While Jake's been off in France being all fancy-pants (and also getting into a screaming match with some random lady in a restaurant - hey random lady, you leave my boy alone) that movie Nocturnal Animals he's set to make with Tom Ford that we told you about back in March just got its rights picked up by Universal for a hefty chunk of change - the studio paid 20 million dollars to distribute the flick. 

I was going to say this seemed weird given the fact that Ford's first (and last) film A Single Man only made around nine million bucks, but Nocturnal, as a Noir thriller co-starring Amy Adams, seems to have a slightly more commercial plot than "college professor gets suicidal after his boyfriend dies." So maybe this is money well spent! Have any of you read the book on which it's based?

I was already thinking about Jake as a "movie star" already before reading this news; when I saw Mad Max Fury Road this weekend they showed the trailer for Southpaw and before the trailer played there was one of those brief video introductions to said trailer and it was Jake - you know, where he goes, "Hi I'm Jake Gyllenhaal, I hope you enjoy this trailer for my new movie, Southpaw," or whatever. And I was surprised by this, in a weird way. Jake's obviously been making big movies for a good decade now but he actually felt like a brand, suddenly. Know what I mean?

He really has spent the last couple of years re-branding himself anyway, with hard work and excellent choices, and I think the next couple of years if things click into place he's really going to be one of the big Movie Stars; you know, somebody whose name our mothers and grandmothers would even know. He's apparently got Harvey Weintstein in his corner for Southpaw anyway, and we've all seen that man's pull writ historic by now.

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Wakey Wakey Jakey

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I've long wished that someone would do a super-cut of moments in movies where characters jump up out of a nightmare at the camera, and watching the brand new full-length official trailer for Nocturnal Animals reminded me of this wish, cuz there's our Jake, doing that thing. Poor Jake, all alone. If only someone was there...

... to comfort him. But isn't Aaron Johnson's redneck thug look in this movie (assuming that's what he is, which all the trailer have painted him as) the most art-directed "redneck thug look" since Brad Pitt in Kalifornia? This is maximum Redneck Thug as Sex Fantasy material - Tom Ford was clearly putting some of his brain up there on the screen with this.

Anyway the movie's only a few weeks away now - it hits select cities on November 18th and spread its sexy stylish disease outward from there. Here's the trailer:

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Political Animals

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Stars really are just like us - I usually look like an angry drunk walking around the streets of New York too. I feel ya, Jake. (pic via) Anyway he's in town for tonight's great big Hillary Clinton Broadway fundraiser, which will co-star among many many others Jake and Bette Midler and Jon Hamm and Ansel Elgort and Hugh Jackman and stop me here if you didn't automatically imagine a recreation of the gay bathhouse scene that Midler was a part of in the 70s only with that cast of gentleman? They could perform "YMCA" in little towels - come on, guys! It's for the good of the country! 

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Just got an email that BETTE MIDLER & JAKE GYLLENHAAL have been added to list for Hillary's B'way event - you already have my vote, Hills!!!

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) October 13, 2016

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In other Jake news a new poster for Nocturnal Animals was released, and I don't know if it was on purpose or not but all I can see is that Jake is kind of resting his balls on Amy Adams' chin.

Creatures of the Nocturne

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There was a screening of Tom Ford's upcoming film Nocturnal Animals in Los Angeles last Friday night at the Hammer Museum and everybody showed up, as you can see above (pics courtesy of Focus Features). Also take note that due to an optical illusion (it's just the way they're arranged on the stage) that Jake Gyllenhaal looks about two feet tall. Ha! No wonder he kept avoiding being shot alongside all the other dudes from the movie. Speaking of...

PS -- I am seeing this tonight!

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10 Off My Head: Getting Into Jake's Pants

Happy Day 2 of Jake Week, where we're celebrating Jake Gyllenhaal's 40th birthday this upcoming Saturday with a different Top 5 list every single day. Yesterday I shared with you a list of my favorite crazy-pants performances from Mr. G that had him flailing his psycho-stick around for our enjoyment -- well today I am going a little simpler on the one hand, in that this is an ode to the outfits his personhood has slipped into and made iconic, and a little less simpler on the other because I couldn't pick just five. I had to double it. There are too many to choose from! (Sidenote: I tried to talk about actual memorable clothes here -- the time will come for a list of Jake being naked, don't worry.)

My 10 Favorite Jake Gyllenhaal Costumes

His skeleton hoodie costume in Donnie Darko

The Santa hat & thong combo from Jarhead

His blue-shirted Brokeback ensemble

His white boxing shorts in Stronger

His blue polo in Lovely & Amazing

The Mysterio Cape!

(Spider-twink included)

The tight-buttoned dress shirts in Prisoners

The buffalo-plaid in Nocturnal Animals

(Aaron Johnson included)

The business-to-casual red suspenders in Demolition

That open cream shawl he wore

 to showcase his Persia bosoms

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Runners-up: Jake in uniform in End of Watch, 

the Bubble in Bubble Boy, the 

art snobbery in Velvet Buzzsaw, the jean shorts in Okja

What are your favorite Jake costumes?