Timothy Olyphant Wants You Inside Of Him

.

We haven't checked in on Lil' Timmy Olyphant in too too long! Not since that time we saw him prancing around in skimpy underpants on stage, probably. (Good memories, good memories.) So what's the deal with this Santa Clarita Diet show anyway? I haven't been paying attention but that ad they ran during the Globes did grab my eye. Plus Scream reunion!

Yeah yeah they're in seperate films in the series, whatever - everybody in that damn franchise is family as far as I'm concerned. In case you have no idea what I'm on about (join the club) Santa Clarita Diet is a new horror comedy Netflix is dropping February 3rd that co-stars Tim & Drew as suburban cannibals or zombies or something. It also co-stars Nathan Fillion and Patton Oswalt! Geek overload. Here's a Tim-centric teaser:

.

.

In related news I guess Tim was on Ellen Degeneres' Show earlier this week (via, thanks Mac) and he told a story about how some detectives sat him down recently to tell him that he'd been the victim of a video-taping gym locker-room pervert! (A pervert after my own heart.) The detectives assured Timothy that they had the pictures and they'd never get released, and here's what this delightful man had to say about that:

"I say, ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa. It’s never going to get out?’ And he says, ‘No. It’s not a problem.’ And I say, ‘Well, how do I look?... Let’s think this through here. We could turn this frown around. I don’t know what the angle is, but this could be… Careers have been made out of perhaps less."

.

Karl Glusman Ten Times

.

I did an accidental double-feature of Karl Glusman this week - I told you earlier I re-watched Nocturnal Animals, but I also gave another spin to Nicolas Winding Refn's film The Neon Demon (here's my original rave review of that, which I totally stand by) - and so the big fella's penetrated my brain today. These pictures were shot by Annie Powers for Notey - there's also an interview with the actor if you like at that link. Anyway the boyfriend didn't recognize Glusman in both films, I had to point out it was the same dude, which convinced me I needed to ask this question...

.

And no fair writing in Gaspar Noé's film Love as your answer - ejaculating in 3D gives that role an unfair advantage. And you can now hit the jump for the remainder of the photo-shoot...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Die! Die! My Darling! (1965)

Pat: Yes, I wondered if you might have a mirror I could... 

Mrs. Trefoile: A mirror? Is it to adorn yourself, 

to observe yourself? Mirrors are not but tools of vanity, 

Patricia - I know! Vanity - sensuality, Patricia! 

The Bible speaks of our vile bodies. 

The great Tallulah Bankhead (who once said she took a role just in order to "fuck that divine Gary Cooper") was born on this day 115 years ago. It should be a gay holiday, it should. You know I have never seen this movie? Blasphemer!

Ouija: Origin of Evil in 150 Words or Less

.

This movie isn't bad! How the hell is this movie not bad? This movie should totally, totally be bad - every piece of the puzzle seems bad. And yet.. it ain't. I'm as flummoxed as a possessed little girl's late-mid-century hair-flip, I tell ya what. Let's break it down - Ouija looks like one thing on the surface, but there's actually a dark spirit cackling underneath. It helps that the film takes time to build the relationships between its three leads (not to mention the three actresses are solid and have a natural rapport) but mostly it's about approach - the movie approaches all the things we're expecting with just a little bit more grit and weirdness than we anticipate coming from a studio-sheened horror flick. And when the thing starts aping Evil Dead in its last act you're not blindsided - you're delighted. It earns its thieving.

As a side-note Ouija's director Mike Flanagan is currently adapting one of my favorite Stephen King books, Gerald's Game, with one of my favorite underappreciated actresses, Carla Gugino, and I am now impossibly excited to see what he does with it. Also in the film is Henry Thomas (yes E.T.'s Henry Thomas), who played the priest in Ouija, and can we just admit that Henry Thomas is becoming something of a Scream King in his old age? Okay "King" might be overstating it but between Ouija and the surprise shocker Dead Birds, a Civil War horror from 2004 that I have routinely insisted y'all seek out, he's totally on his way.

.

More Like Marie Samuels Am I Right

.

That's a real inside edition Hitchcock joke of a title: "Marie Samuels" is the name that Marion Crane (Janet Leigh) signs in the guest book of the Bates Motel in Psycho when she's just met Norman and is still trying to cover up her identity. One scene later after Norman's fed her a sandwich and been really weird about stuffed things Marion feels comfortable enough to introduce herself by her real name (more likely she'd just forgotten her own lie at that point), which is kind of an early spin on the slasher trope (as laid out so delightfully by Randy in Scream) where the big-boobed girl is caught in some kind of sin (lying, fucking, et cetera) and must be summarily punished (aka murdered) for it.

Anyway these are the first pictures of Rihanna playing "Marion Crane" in the upcoming final season of Bates Motel (via) and this post's title was my way of calling her a pale imitation of the original. I know, I know - I cannot possibly judge, having not seen a split second of her performance or what they do with the character. But I kinda can, if I want to, since it's still, for now, a free country. So judge I shall! I love that they went with an actress of color for the role, but every time I've seen Rihanna try to act she's been a block of balsa on the screen. So I'm kind of wary. Besides Vera Farmiga chewing through every piece of furniture with her spectacularly entertaining performance as Norma Bates the show hasn't done too great when it comes to giving actresses much to do on it. But I guess we'll find out in a couple of weeks! The show returns February 20th.

.

Pics of the Day

.

So who's watching Taboo? I'm watching Taboo and I am really liking Taboo, you guys. It's goofy as fuck but it clearly knows it - even as it grunts and dives into the muck it is always grinning while doing it. It is the sort of show that could take itself too seriously and ruin what it's doing but it never does - it's got flash and flair and Tom Hardy telling Tom Hollander to ejaculate... it was made for me.

These are some pictures of Tom testing out his body make-up (via) on the set - if you'd like a better look at the make-up (not to mention every goddamned inch of Tom Hardy's body, top to bottom) then I recommend you click on this old post where he was caught skinny-dipping. But if anybody's watching the show, do share your thoughts in the comments!

Now That's the Kind of Patriotism...

.

... I can get behind. 

(via, click to embiggen)

.

Every Time I Take A Shower...

.

... I picture white orthopedic shoes laying in wait.

Is that weird?

.

10 Off My Head: Siri Says 2001

.

Hey guys, remember 2001? What a boring year, am I right? Nothing happened in 2001 that we're still shuddering through the after-pains of at all. Nothing that shook the very foundation of our democracy and planted fear and horror in the American heart, undermining our faith in our institutions and our leaders so deeply that a decade and a half later we've very nearly turned against all the values we once held dear, or anything. Nope, nothing like that. But some movies came out! And that's why we're here today. I asked my telephone to give me a number between 1 and 100 and the minx said "ONE!" this morning! Made me think of this, quite frankly...

... and that seems about right. Today's Mood, y'all! Anyway let's just go with it. At first glance The Movies of 2001 seemed kind of barren (it wasn't the best year for studio movies) but then I started looking at the low-budget and foreign films and shocker, it started getting good. So good in fact that I can't contain it to just five films like usual, I just can't. So instead here are...

My 10 Favorite Movies of 2001

Mulholland Drive

(dir. David Lynch)

-- released on October 19th, 2001 --

Donnie Darko

(dir. Richard Kelly)

-- released on October 26th, 2001 -- 

The Royal Tenenbaums

(dir. Wes Anderson)

-- released on December 14th, 2001 --

The Piano Teacher

(dir. Michael Haneke)

-- released on September 5th, 2001 -- 

Ghost World

(dir. Terry Zwigoff)

-- released on September 21st, 2001 -- 

The Devil's Backbone

(dir. Guillermo Del Toro)

-- released on April 20th, 2001 -- 

 Moulin Rouge!

(dir. Baz Luhrmann)

-- released on June 1st, 2001 -- 

The Others

(dir. Alejandro Amenábar)

-- released on August 10th, 2001 --
.

Spirited Away

(dir. Hayao Miyazaki)

-- released on July 20th, 2001 -- 

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

(dir. John Cameron Mitchell)

-- released on 2001 -- 

-------------------------

Runners-up:  Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (dir. Peter Jackson), Gosford Park (dir. Robert Altman), Memento (dir. Nolan), Amelie (dir. Jean-Pierre Jeunet), A.I: Artificial Intelligence (dir. Spielberg), Bubble Boy (dir. Blair Hayes), Jeepers Creepers (dir. Salva), Monsters Inc. (dir. Pete Docter)...

... Das Experiment (dir. Oliver Hirschbiegel), The Happiness of the Katakuris (dir. Takashi Miike), Kairo (dir. Kiyoshi Kurosawa), Lovely & Amazing (dir. Holofcener), Wet Hot American Summer (dir. Wain), Storytelling (dir. Solondz), Session 9 (dir. Brad Anderson)

-------------------------

 What are your favorite movies of 2001?

.

Five Frames From ?

.

What movie is this?

.

Good Morning, World

.

Lost amid the tumult of the past week's relentless nightmare qualities is the fact that I rewatched Tom Ford's Nocturnal Animals a second time - I tweeted about it at the time though, so hoo boy if you're not following me on Twitter are you missing me rambling some more. You wouldn't want to miss that! Anyway I continue to have complicated, but in a good way, feelings towards the film (here's my review in case you missed it)...

.

This photograph seen in NOCTURNAL ANIMALS was shot by Richard Misrach (called "Desert Fire #153") and it is ASTONISHING pic.twitter.com/enqDmnkd9c

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) January 24, 2017

.

... I think it's messy but I think it's a fascinating messy, a singular messy, made by a man clearly wrestling with some shit. Shit I personally find interesting. I know people's mileage may vary on that count - I have heard how, and often - but I think there is so much friction between its fancy-pants side and its lowbrow "I'm gonna show you Aaron Johnson's used toilet paper" side that there's a lot to wrestle with in the movie, worth wrestling with.

Did I say worth wrestling with? I'd wrestle with Jake anytime. Anyway we already capped Aaron's touching toilet scene (sans that one disgusting moment, because no thank you) so it's Jake turn (it's always Jake's turn) - hit the jump for Tom Ford making Jake sitting on a hotel bed in just a pair of jeans feel like Caravaggio's sleazy fuzzy cousin...

Can You Feel My Heart Beat

.

It's the 40th anniversary of Dario Argento's horror classic 

Suspiria this week and so we're celebrating it 

"Beauty vs Beast" style over at The Film Experience. 

GO VOTE!

.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Lobster (2015)

Hotel Manager: Now the fact that you will turn into an animal if you fail to fall in love with someone during your stay here is not something that should upset you or get you down. Just think, as an animal you'll have a second chance to find a companion. But, even then, you must be careful; you need to choose a companion that is a similar type of animal to you. A wolf and a penguin could never live together, nor could a camel and a hippopotamus. That would be absurd. 

The way that last line is delivered is one of my favorite line deliveries of... well let's just go ahead and jump out on a limb and say "ever" and we'll revisit that assertion in the future; I have a feeling I'm on the money, though. Anyway today is the 44th birthday of the actress Olivia Colman, who has really had quite the killer couple of years - where did she come from, you guys? I mean I am looking through her IMDb credits and I see she was in Edgar Wright's Hot Fuzz in 2007...

... but before The Lobster her credits are pretty obscure to these American eyes - looks like she did tons of British TV but I'm not familiar with much of what I'm seeing. So any guesses - besides all of her obvious talent, of course - how it all came together for her? Anyway we're delighted to have her.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... working out the kinks with Armie Hammer.

The first clip from Call Me By Your Name has arrived! (Thanks to Vanity Fair for this.) And they picked a fine moment, too -- in a scene familiar to anyone who read Andre Acimen's book here's Timothee Chalamet getting publicly fondled by Armie Hammer and feeling really weird about it...

.

.
Be assured that we will continue following every single breaking development on this film, no matter how big or how small, until its release... some time later this year. So stay tuned (aka watch this clip one thousand times between now and then)!!!

Five Frames From ?

.

What movie is this?

.