Do Dump or Marry: Pick Your Colins

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It is the 41st birthday of the great Colin Farrell today - aren't you glad we stuck with him? I was worried for awhile but smart writers like Martin McDonagh and Yorgos Lanthimos finally figured out how to make him pop and here we are and we're all the better for it. 

Anyway I wanted to do something a little different this time so here's the deal: I want you to "Do Dump or Marry" any three characters of Colin's that you choose. He's got nearly two decades worth of 'em -- go ahead and consult IMDb and then come tell us in the comments. Here are my picks:

DO: Private Roland Bozz, Tigerland -- Colin's been sexy many many times over since this film brought him to international attention in the year 2000, but I don't think anybody's fetishized every inch of him quite the way Joel Schumacher's camera did. Still Bozz is too erratic for a lifetime - one night would be plenty to fuel forever. (Runners-up: Bobby in A Home at the End of the World or Colin Farrell in Colin Farrell's Sex Tape)

DUMP: A tie between Bobby Pellit in Horrible Bosses for obvious reasons and Graves in Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them for NOT obvious reasons aka spoiler alert there's a really fucking disgusting Johnny Depp hiding away under that wonderful exterior. Runner-up: Alexander in Alexander because god that hair.)

MARRY: Ray in In Bruges -- okay okay I know that he's emotionally broken beyond repair in this but he's also so cynical and funny and expressive... I mean I could dine out for the remainder of my life on just the things he does with his eyebrows in this movie. (Runners-up: Danny in Minority Report or David in The Lobster.) 

Now it's your turn! 

Give me your three in the comments! 

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Aldis Hodge Five Times

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I didn't watch Underground (making me part of the problem) but my first thought today upon reading that the show has been cancelled was "Well somebody better scoop up Aldis Hodge real quick then!" So somebody do that, please. Did any of you watch Underground?

There's No Fighting in the War Machine

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They don't make movies like this anymore. That's all I kept thinking while watching David Michôd's War Machine -- they literally don't make sixty million dollar movies about people standing around talking like this anymore. Four hundred million dollar movies about people wearing capes standing around talking on top of buildings that are crashing to the ground, sure. One million dollar movies about people standing around talking about their broken souls, oh yes. But War Machine is all, nothing, either, or, neither and nor. 

So what works best in its favor is thinking these outside thoughts because then you appreciate the movie more than you appreciate the movie on its own modest terms. Knowing that Netflix mustered up this budget and made this movie happen with a stellar cast who we like to see stand around and talk and with a fine director like Michôd makes me want to look for things to like. 

It isn't a monstrous task! The movie's amiable and moves at a brisk enough pace. It has a... nice personality, in other words. A razor sharp satire about modern war... notsomuch. It likes its enemy too much. But as a gingerly step in the right direction War Machine manages to untangle some thorny knots about the absurd emptiness of the "winning" mindset. It should probably be angrier. There's a nice intrusion of anger - delivered genially and shaped like Tilda Swinton - for a hot minute that's worth its weight in Swinton. But the movie's more sad than anything, and I just don't know if "sad" is what any of us are quite looking for right this moment.
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Lola (1981)

Esslin: He who has no house shall not build one. 

He who is alone shall long remain so... 

Lola: Why do you only read me sad poems? 

Esslin: Poetry is always sad. 

Lola: And why's that? Why can't it be funny for once? 

Esslin: Because a poem comes from the soul. 

And the soul is sad. 

Lola: Is it? And why is that? Nitwit. 

Esslin: Because the soul knows more than the mind. 

That's why it's sad. 

Lola: Strange. For me, it's the other way around. 

For me, the mind knows more than the soul. 

Rainer Werner Fassbinder was born on this day in 1945.

Which Is Hotter?

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I'm of the mind that Michael Cera was hysterically funny on the fourth episode of the new season of Twin Peaks (I know his performance has been dubbed "divisive" but I also know I am not alone in finding it a delight) but even so when my boyfriend pointed out that Michael Cera's face looked just like the infamously botched "Ecce Homo" painting after its 2012 "restoration" I couldn't see anything else. Hopefully you'll feel the same way from now on...

Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?

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Miguel Angel Silvestre One Time

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For another picture click over to the Tumblr!

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5 Off My Head: Getting Lucky With Logan

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Yesterday the poster (see above) and the trailer for Steven Soderbergh's maybe triumphant return to movies called Logan Lucky, which is about a heist at a NASCAR race and which stars Channing Tatum and Adam Driver and Daniel Craig and Sebastian Stan among others, popped up online, and I think it looks terrific! Goofy and colorful and filled with sexy fellas making funny high-pitched voices - what's not to love? Okay I'm slightly worried about all the accents - one goofy accent is fine but multiple ones might be pushing their luck, but we'll see. Here's the trailer:

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The Film Experience already gave the trailer the "Yes No Maybe So" treatment so go read that but I wanted to do something a little different... aka I needed an excuse to gif the sexier exploitative shots in the thing. So I give you...

My 5 Favorite Shots in the Logan Lucky trailer

1. Any time Channing Tatum bends over it's a cause for celebration. Chan bending over towards Adam Driver? Doubly so! But I kind of felt like this shot could be improved, so I...

... improved it. I mean the trailer itself went and reminded us that Soderbergh's last movie was Magic Mike so day-dreaming about a gay redneck lap-dance is only natural.

2. Daniel Craig is introduced taint-first, which funny enough is exactly how I would like to meet Daniel Craig in real life.

3. Daniel Craig - whose character is awesomely named "Joe Bang" - then spends the rest of the trailer half-naked, which is also perfectly fine by me. And with that bleached hair he kind of looks like the gay porn version of Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and I am surprised how into it I am.

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4. Surprise! This one isn't about ogling actors at all! This one's actually serious and junk! I just think that's a winning and playful shot in the trailer - the guys in front out of focus taking selfies while the helicopters in the back are perfectly clear - that shows we can expect Soderbergh to be having some fun with his camera again. We missed him.

5. Okay back to what counts - 

Sebastian Stan spreading those lips
 of his around something.

I'm sold! How about y'all?

Logan Lucky is out on August 18th.

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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... hearing the ocean with Pablo Schreiber.

I can't quite hear it yet, Pablo! 

Bring it closer! CLOOOOSEERRRRR. 

Anyway shame on us on two counts - number one there've been several pictures worth sharing posted to Mr. Schreiber's Instagram over the past month that we're just now getting to, and number two we haven't watched this week's episode of American Gods yet. We'll make up for the second part tonight, but we can do something about the first part right this second! Hit the jump for ten more pictures...

Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?

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Good Morning, World

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Today is the 90th birthday of The Greatest Beef That Ever Caked, Clint Walker - he's best known for turning a whole bunch of little boys into unrepentant queers via the TV Western Cheyenne in the late 1950s and 60s. Apparently there was a rumor that Clint's contract demanded he get shirtless every single episode of the show to showcase the reason he was hired...

... and he was worth every penny. You can see a lot more of Clint right here. Clint, I hope where ever you are today and whatever you're doing that you appreciate all the joy you brought to the world. Such big and broad-shouldered and furry joy. And here's a collection of some of Clint's random shirtless Cheyenne scenes:

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Three Desperate Living Women

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When I saw that today was the 40th anniversary of Star Wars I remembered that we'd celebrated The Movies of 1977 already in our "Siri Series" and I went to see what other movies would be turning 40 this year and lo behold whaddya know Robert Altman's magnificently strange and unsettling film 3 Women was also released in theaters on this very day, May 25th, in the year 1977. I realize that Star Wars changed the movies, period, and as such should be honored... but I'm more excited to celebrate  3 Women. Let's all watch it tonight!

In other anniversary news John Waters' film Desperate Living was released on May 27th 1977, meaning it turns 40 this weekend. DL's a mixed bag but its opening scenes of Mink Stole having an epic suburban meltdown -- "Tell your mother I hate her! Tell your mother I hate you!" -- are among the director's greatest, and there's lots of rancid lesbionic fun to be had off in Mortville.

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In order to celebrate Desperate Living we can do better than just re-watching the movie, though -- opening today at the La Mama Galleria gallery here in New York is a show called "Lost Merchandise of the Dreamlanders," which is filled with artist renditions of what movie merch for John Waters' movies would've (should've) looked like - there are apparently action figures and and sheet sets and all kinds of goodies! Hip hip hooray for our collective cheap climaxes!!

Can't Stop the Cocaine

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The film-maker Jeffrey Schwartz, the documentarian who's focused his recent career on telling the gayest of gay stories -- he made Tab Hunter Confidential, I Am Divine, Vito (the doc on Celluloid Closet author Vito Russo), and Wrangler: Anatomy of an Icon (the doc on porn star Jack Wrangler), amongst others -- has two projects coming up. He is making a doc on Showgirls (!!!) and he is making a doc about Allan Carr, the flamingly camp producer of Grease and Can't Stop the Music who crashed and burned on a turbulent sea of caftans and cocaine in the late 70s and early 80s. Here's an interview with Schwartz on the doc, which is already screening at fests around the country. (via)

I've been telling people for years that they need to read Party Animals: A Hollywood Tale of Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll Starring the Fabulous Allan Carr, the biography of Mr. Carr, it is an insane spectacle of Hollywood excess - well now's your chance. Buy your copy now before it goes out of stock like the book Feud was based on did.

The doc is titled The Fabulous Allan Carr and if anybody earned that gay title tis he. Anyway when I went looking up this project I also stumbled upon this fun story told by Steve Guttenberg in his own biography about the auditioning process for Can't Stop the Music gig:

“Allan, 350 pounds of cynicism and creativity, sat on a couch in a caftan, a flowing one-piece tent that covered almost all of his body….I tried not to notice that he wasn’t wearing underwear. ” ‘Turn around. Let me see your tush.’ I did. Is this what I have to do to get a job? ” ‘Do you have any aversion to wearing a sock in your pants? Enough.’ He clapped his hands like a sultan and his yes-men ushered me out.” Well, Allan must have liked what he saw, because Guttenberg got the job–but not without a warning. The actor’s agent urged him, “Whatever you do, don’t be alone with Allan. He’s a grabber!”

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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... picking up Harry Shum Jr.

Doing that Darren Criss post earlier made me think of his Glee co-star Harry and once I start thinking about Harry it gets tough, not thinking about Harry. Especially with all the making out he apparently does with the also lust-worthy Matthew Daddario...

... on that Shadowhunters show. (I really need to watch that show.) So hit the jump for about twenty more shots (really very hot shots not to mention more kisses with Matthew Daddario at that) that we haven't posted before...