Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Do Dump or Marry: Pick Your Colins

It is the 41st birthday of the great Colin Farrell today - aren't you glad we stuck with him? I was worried for awhile but smart writers like Martin McDonagh and Yorgos Lanthimos finally figured out how to make him pop and here we are and we're all the better for it. 

Anyway I wanted to do something a little different this time so here's the deal: I want you to "Do Dump or Marry" any three characters of Colin's that you choose. He's got nearly two decades worth of 'em -- go ahead and consult IMDb and then come tell us in the comments. Here are my picks:

DO: Private Roland Bozz, Tigerland -- Colin's been sexy many many times over since this film brought him to international attention in the year 2000, but I don't think anybody's fetishized every inch of him quite the way Joel Schumacher's camera did. Still Bozz is too erratic for a lifetime - one night would be plenty to fuel forever. (Runners-up: Bobby in A Home at the End of the World or Colin Farrell in Colin Farrell's Sex Tape)

DUMP: A tie between Bobby Pellit in Horrible Bosses for obvious reasons and Graves in Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them for NOT obvious reasons aka spoiler alert there's a really fucking disgusting Johnny Depp hiding away under that wonderful exterior. Runner-up: Alexander in Alexander because god that hair.)

MARRY: Ray in In Bruges -- okay okay I know that he's emotionally broken beyond repair in this but he's also so cynical and funny and expressive... I mean I could dine out for the remainder of my life on just the things he does with his eyebrows in this movie. (Runners-up: Danny in Minority Report or David in The Lobster.) 

Now it's your turn! 
Give me your three in the comments! 


joel65913 said...

Do-Bozz from Tigerland
Dump-Jerry from Fright Night
Marry-Bobby from A Home at the End of the World...I know he's in your one night stand category and he is needy but such a sweet pure soul.

John T said...

Do-Bozz, because good lord...unless Colin Farrell in his sex tape is an option
Dump-Bobby Morrow, but I'm going to tell him to get his life together.
Marry-Danny Witwer, preferably before he is betrayed by Max von Sydow

Pierce said...

Marry: Bobby from A Home at the end of the World
Dump: The character in Fantastic Beasts
Do: The one from his sex tape.

Steve said...

Do: Bozz from Tigerland
Dump: Graves from Fantastic Beasts
Marry: Captain Smith from The New World

Dougie said...

Do: Douglas Quaid from that awful Total Recall remake
Dump: Percival Graves from Fantastic Beasts (hated that movie)
Marry: Danny Witwer from Minority Report

Anonymous said...

Do - Douglas Quaid/Hauser from Total Recal cause he's hot, passionate, wild, and fun!

Dump - Jimmy from Pride & Glory cause he's kinda of creepy and might have an 8 pack but only playing with 3 cards

Marry - Jerry in Fright Night. He's cool, a little dark and a touch evil but hey he's a vampire. This means I become his vampire bitch and he turns me and we party and fright, and make man on man vampire love for ever!