Wednesday, December 16, 2020

5 Off My Head: Jake Shows Off

And Jake Week continueth! In case you've had your head up the backend of a super-pig all week let me explain -- the actor Jake Gyllenhaal is turning 40 this Saturday! We -- in case you hadn't noticed the 1100+ posts we've posted here at MNPP over the past 15 years -- kinda like Jake Gyllenhaal. And so we're celebrating by posting a new Top 5 every single day this week, leading up to the most blessed event. On Monday I listed my 5 favorite crazy-person performances of his. And then yesterday I posted my 5 no make that my 10 favorite costumes that we's worn. 

Well today is Wednesday, the middle of the week, also occasionally known by some as Hump Day. And so it only seems right that today I list something I hinted at during yesterday's post about clothing, which is... the exact opposite of clothing. This should lift everybody's "spirits."

My 5 Favorite Jake Gyllenhaal Nude Scenes

Group shower, Jarhead

Googling whilst gay, Velvet Buzzsaw

Forgot the camera in Love & Other Drugs

Sad suds in Southpaw

Washing by the river, Brokeback Mountain


Runners-up: Listen I could have listed half of Love and Other Drugs, as Edward Zwick was proper decent to us in that respect (if only the movie had been better). Bless that film.

And I did a compilation post once about Jake's many many many "naked in the bathroom" scenes -- see here -- so there are several more exciting choices as far as those are concerned. I mean he literally seems to spend half of the movie Demolition in the bathroom -- see here.

And he spends a lot of time showing off his manscaping in Enemy. And then, for historical sake, there's this shot in Jarhead, which beat Brokeback to the punch giving us our first glimpse of Jake's butt:

A true milestone, if you ask me! There are also the coulda-been scenes that we have been entirely denied -- I can't even post the caps of Jake papped naked-on-the-set of Everest because the studio freaked out about them and will send letters if one posts them, but if you google that shit it's out there. In the end the scene got inexplicably, hatefully cut from the final film, which went on to deservedly flop for that alone. Fuck you, Everest!

And then there is the most upsetting absence of all -- Jake chickening out and turning down Michael Pitt's role in Bernardo Bertolucci's 2003 hornt-up The Dreamers, opposite Louis Garrel & Eva Green. Can you imagine? I still weep myself to sleep at night over that loss...

Anyway I could go on and on and on. And on. And on! This is probably the lone topic in all of the world which I am the foremost expert on. My Film Studies degree put to excellent use! Ain't ya proud, Mom???

So what's your favorite Jake Gyllenhaal nude scene?


Adam said...

I also love his tighty whities scene in Stronger. Feels like he's a briefs dude irl since he wears them in that, Love and Other Drugs, Highway and Bubble Boy, but we could also just have some very smart costume designers out there.

Shawny said...

If you take the woman out of the Jarhead clip, it’s like he’s twerking. Hey, there’s a meme idea...

Unknown said...

It has to be Jarhead, because you can see little Jakey!

JS said...

I think Demolition takes it for me. He's working it in every frame of that movie.

J.D. said...

He has one amazing body!