Monday, August 31, 2009

Greatest Thing Ever? Ever.

I must have this immediately! Michael McDonald, Mr. Yacht Rock, singing Grizzly Bear's "While You Wait For The Others" - otherwise known as far and away the best song off Vecktimiest, an album full of great songs - along with the band! Crazy weird delight, it is.

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Hearing them sing this song live yesterday - minus Mr. McDonald - actually made me tear up, but this version's completely awesome too, in its... extreme oddity.
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Happy 60, Richard Gere

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Aww I was hoping I could leave that disgusting Robocop gif at the top of the page all night but then I was reminded that it's Richard Gere's 60th birthday today and I can hardly let that go by without marking it. So happy bday, Mr. Gere! While he's still looking excellent for a man of 60, I think you'll forgive me if the pictures I post skew somewhat younger.


Click his name below to see bunches more.
Mmmm vintage Gere.
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I Really Want To Watch Robocop Right Now...

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... and I'm not really sure why.



Oh. Right. That's why. That's always why.

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Unclean! Unclean!

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I never understood what that bathtub slime thought it was gonna do in Ghostbusters II anyway. It couldn't exactly pull baby Oscar back down the drain with it, if that's what it was going for. I mean, are they saying that it could grow legs and carry him away now? Is that what you're telling me, Ghostbusters II? The slime's gone bipedal? Because frankly that is nonsense. And why does the entire bathtub warp its shape when the slime lunges forward? Weirdness.

But I guess that maybe, just maybe, the slime was just getting a look at Siggy in her undergarments. And that I guess even I can understand. I mean... Siggy!

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Adam Levine Three Times

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Two Reasons...

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... why I'm looking forward to the TV series Flash Forward
that starts on ABC on Sept. 24th. Hi, John and Joseph!

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Starf*cker

Who: Michael Stahl-David (Rob from Cloverfield)


Where: Williamsburg waterfront, Grizzly Bear concert
When: Sunday, August 30th - 7pm

How did I never notice how much MSD looks so so very much like a younger, hipster-ier Michael Vartan?


In person it's scarily obvious though. Like I was kind of wondering if Vartan got a bunch of really good plastic surgery to look 10 years younger. MSD was playing soccer in the grass during the concert and the ball kept flying over by me so he kept running right up on top of me, and if the music wasn't glorious enough - it was though; oh it was - that certainly wasn't hurting the overall experience.

ETA Ha, Beyonce and Jay-Z were there too. That picture's right by where I was sitting. Dammit, if I'd seen her I coulda yanked out her weave and run away. Opportunity lost! And supposedly, though they have no picture to prove it, Gerard Butler was there as well. I wonder if he brought his pug named Lolita (so so gay)?
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Them Dirty Hippies

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It's one of them chicken-or-the-egg scenarios - did I enjoy Taking Woodstock so very much because I went in with extremely lowered expectations thanks to its mediocre reviews, or would I have liked it anyway? How will we ever know? We shan't, I suppose. WE SHAN'T. But enjoy the heck out of it I did. I mean, look there - I used the word "groovy." Do you know what that's like for me? Do you know what it was like for those dudes in Vietnam who got bamboo shoved up under their fingernails? Using "groovy" is like that, only mental-like.

See, what we've got with Woodstock is, I think, Ang Lee's answer to some of the criticism he got for Brokeback; criticism I think he probably took especially to heart. A lot of people - not me, obviously - complained that Brokeback gave us yet another tragic gay figure(s). Sad and dead and forever alone. So while sure, Demitri Martin's character isn't "out" per se, I'd say he's doing pretty well for it being 1969 and living (temporarily) in a small town. I mean, he gets 100% angst-free sex with a cute carpenter (and I think Ang left the sex off-screen also as a reaction to Brokeback, and how it's pup-tent scene swallowed the entire conversation) - not to mention that their first kiss is in the middle of a crowd who applauds them! I mean, it don't get less angsty than that, folks.

I'd absolutely argue that this and Brokeback are meant to be companion pieces, and while I don't think Woodstock reaches the level of Brokeback's magnificence, I think it doesn't have to to be a successful film. Where Brokeback told an epic story set in an empty landscape, Woodstock tells a small one in epic surroundings, and wrings pathos out of small-comedy rather than quiet-tragedy. And it works. It worked for me damn well.

As for some of the acting, for half the film I thought Demtri Martin had pulled back too far, that Elliot in his hands was too much of a wry observer that didn't seem entirely a part of the story he was in, but by the end I was completely enamored. Ellio0t is "the straight man," so to speak, surrounded by a cast of wackiness and eccentricity, and his arc is a sturdy yet slight one and Martin plays it nicely, with small gradations of his smile and a widening of his eyes. And I just have to say again that I really did like and appreciate the relative nonchalance of his gayness. He wasn't out but that was just a consequence of the time-period. Otherwise he had plenty of friends, gay and otherwise, and was relatively well-adjusted even with such insane parents. Speaking of, I don't think Imelda Staunton's performance is nearly as broad as it's been charged of being - I interact with older ladies here in New York (especially out in Queens) all the time just like her.

And I have no idea why, she didn't have that much to do, but I was wholly charmed by Mamie Gummer. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that she couldn't have fit more perfectly into the period. How right does she look? She's never really registered for me before but I couldn't take my eyes off of her here. Bravo, Meryl Streep's daughter! You might prove your worth yet.

And I suppose this wouldn't be a review at MNPP if I didn't give a brief shout-out to Emile Hirsch's penis. Hello, Emile Hirsch's penis! Nice to meet you. I hope we can make fast friends, and that you don't go away anytime soon.

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Andy

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Andy.

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Viva Viscera

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I have to keep this brief and spoilerless (ha, spoilers - here's a spoiler - lots of people die gruesome deaths!) since my boyfriend's out of town and hasn't seen it yet; we'll be going this weekend. Thankfully he understands that I would never ever wait for him to come back before going to this film myself. That's called love. But yay I get to see it a second time!

I mean... how do I rate this sort of thing? I understand this series' limitations. It's not art. It's about as lowbrow as you can get. But I don't feel guilty in the slightest about the pleasure it brings me either. I understand that these films are not for everyone, and I understand that the little bit of dialogue and plot that there is is perfunctory and poorly written and redundant from film to film. But plot and dialogue is not what these films are about and it's the good entries in the series that realize that. And there's no bones about it, David R. Ellis knows how to make a good one of this series. This one's easily my second favorite entry in the series after Ellis' Part 2 (which will never be defeated as a perfect distillation of What I Want To Watch Forever).

Clocking in at under an hour and a half and filled to the brim with devilishly sick set-pieces, and with plenty of viscera slapping you across the face thanks to the gloriously cheesy exploitation of the third dimension, The Final Destination only proved to me that I hope this series never ends, and never ever tries something outside of the formula it has perfected.

As far as I'm concerned, at this point they need to boil this shit's essence down even further! I don't need the leads to spend time figuring out what's happening. I want a lead that just runs with it from the first second. Fuck dialogue, man! Make these silent films except for the sound of meat hitting the pavement and the screams of doomed assholes running for their lives!
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Nick Zano Six Times (Plus A Couple)

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(via) Unlike the annoying Friday the 13th remake which assaulted the viewer with plastic boobs left and right but kept Jared Padalecki covered up the entire film, The Final Destination gives the viewer, i.e. me, exactly what the viewer, i.e. me, wants. Seriously y'all, I will write more about the movie in a bit (presumably), but it was as if this thing was catered to my every superficial desire. And as y'all might know by now, besides oodles of hysterically funny violence one of my superficial desires is man-flesh. And Mr. Zano, as seen above, offered it up on a silver platter. And thanks to the wonders of the internet we've already got some of the (shitty-quality) goods! (via)


This scene was so wonderfully long. A horror film that actually realizes it might have people in the audience who want to ogle fellas as well as ladies! Crazy!
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I Am Link

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--- Oh No - So Dario Argento's new film Giallo starring Adrien Brody screened at Fantastic Fest over the weekend and word is... abysmal. Like, epically so. It actually sounds as if it might be one to watch to laugh at, the reviews are so bad. Here's how the review at Twitch begins:

"Dario Argento’s latest has been one of the biggest surprises of the festival. Surprising in that it’s absolutely hilarious, and by that I don’t mean a little bit funny, I mean as funny a film I’ve seen at the cinema in ages, comedies included."

And it goes downhill from there. You can also read a pan at AICN and a pan at Slash/Film if you so desire. Pans pans everywhere! What a shame.

--- Also at that link to Slash/Film is a much more positive look at Michael Dougherty's super-duper-long delayed Trick'r'Treat, plus several other films which also screened at the festival.

--- Buzz Off - Michel Gondry's The Green Hornet starring Seth Rogen has just had its release date shifted from next Summer to next Winter. Since it hasn't even begun shooting yet - and they just found their Kato - I suppose that makes sense. Seth Rogen explains it here.

--- And speaking of release dates, Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus has officially slid into the Christmas spot of the calendar. Mkay.

--- Dats A Spicy Meatball - AICN has a nice chat with Anna Faris up about her animated film Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs where she talks a bit about the projects she's trying to get off the ground next and the difficulty the suits are giving her about female-driven comedies. She doesn't get terribly specific or name names or anything but you can sense her frustration. Come on, Hollywood! Jesus, this woman's a gift and you are wasting her!

--- H3D - Even though it got pretty solidly trounced by FD4 this weekend the Weinsteins are already moving ahead with a third Halloween film, this time to be filmed in 3D. Choice bit:

"Weinstein said Rob Zombie, who directed "Halloween II" and 2007's reboot of the 31-year-old horror series, won't return for "Halloween 3-D." He said the studio is in negotiations with a new director, whom he declined to name, who has experience in horror and has a "different take" on the franchise."

--- Half Of Nine - Over at Low Resolution Joe's looking back at the year that has been so far and thankfully reminds me what a hoot I found so much of The Brothers Bloom to be, especially Rachel Weisz's hysterically funny and adorable performance. I was thinking about the film over the weekend though because I saw a dude wearing glasses like the ones I worshipped on Mark Ruffalo in the movie and cried inside anew that I do not own them.

--- A to QT - I praise the makers of this terrific list of other movies that are referenced in Quentin Tarantino's Ingourious Basterds. This'll come in handy when I go see the movie again and then finally write something on it. Yeah, I haven't done that yet. Whoopsie!

--- Bottom Feeders - Remember how, when I posted the trailer for The Descent: Part 2 last week, I said that the word that I've heard on the film had been positive so far? Well I watched the trailer after I said that and I have to sort of admit I was underwhelmed by it. And then today I see this bit from Twitch and my heart aches:

"The first Descent is a truly great piece of film, one of the best horror pictures of the past decade. The sequel? I’ve seen it and it aint. And not just because it’s thoroughly unnecessary but also because it’s hugely repetitive, filled with bad actors and devoid of original ideas."

Jinkies.

--- Did I Know This? - That Nimrod Antal had been hired to direct Predators, that is? He's the fellow who directed the very good Kontroll and the not-terrible film Vacancy. Anyway this, the third Predator film, is set to start shooting in Hawaii in October.

--- Creepy Old Man Alert - Slash has got a bunch of pictures from Harmony Korine's next film, lovingly titled Trash Humpers, and I gotta agree with their call of "John Waters-esque." Here are a couple:

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Friday, August 28, 2009

Everybody Have A Fun, Safe - Most Importantly Safe! - Weekend Now, Ya Hear?

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If you happen to have any strange premonitions of any sort,
TRUST IN THEM. They would not lie to you.

And y'all should check out Jarett's list of his five favorite Final Destination deaths at PopWrap, it is a solid solid bunch. I thought about doing this myself actually but decided A) I am lazy, and B) it'd cut into my Thursday's Ways Not To Die supply, and lord knows I wanna have all the deaths from these flicks at my disposal if possible! But ya can't go wrong with any of Jarett's picks (indeed, I've already used all but his #5 as a Way Not To Die already!). Anyway, I see FD4 in under 5 hours now! Woot woot!

Again, everyone, be safe. Seriously.
I mean, I didn't bring a change of clothes.


That right there is my favorite sight-gag in all of FD3 by the way - the bag of bloodstained clothes they're carrying in the scene immediately following the dude's head getting whammied by the weight machine. It's the little touches like that that make this series so golden, ya know?
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Wet! Wetter! Wettest! Worthington!

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What is it about a fully-dressed man doused with water that makes my heartbeat pitter-patter ever faster? I just spent a good amount of time looking through photo-shoots of Sam Worthington and while there were several I appreciated...

... mmmm furry....

... I knew as soon as I came upon the water-bottle-pouring set that these were ones I needed to share. And from there it reminded me of this shoot of Jake of this shoot of Dom Cooper and how they're amongst my faves too and it makes me curious. It's presumably the simple answer, that the water looks like sweat and thinking of them sweaty makes you think of them making with the sex. But still. It's peculiar, in its own way, no? If some dude in the real world came up to me dripping with sweat like a sieve I probably wouldn't be turned on; I would kindly ask them to wipe themselves up a bit. But then I guess there's the factor of odor in the real world. Anyway who am I kidding, if Sam or Jake or Dominic Cooper came up to me reeking of sweat and filth I would still jump on them like gangbusters anyway. Gangbusters!!!

This has been your Friday dose of utter nonsense.
Hope you enjoyed!

Seriously though this dive into Sam Worthington staring was inspired by a real something and not only lustiness: specifically this article at io9 asking if the DVD release of McG's Terminator Salvation might actually contain a good version of the film now that it's been revealed that it's his R-rated cut getting released onto disc and not the PG-13 version that was released in theaters. As far as I'm concerned there were way, way too many problems with what I saw to ever be fixed by adding some boobs and violence back in. But the promise of boobs seems to be peaking some fanboys' interest, naturally, which reminded me what a cheat we got with regards to Sam Worthington's time-travel shenanigans - not one nudie shot! I think he was sort of naked when he crawled outta that muddy pit but he was covered in mud so who knows? This was what actually sent me to Sam Worthington's fan-site where I fund the above photo-shoot - looking to see if there were pictures online of this not-naked naked moment to see what the deal was. But they didn't have any pictures from it yet. Anyway, that was a total rip-off - at the very least the film owed us a throwback to the time-traveling nakedness the series has always partook in. Shame, McG! Shame.
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"You play Chess, do you not?"

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Having been out of town last week when this was published I'd missed it until now, but there was a terrific write-up on the pleasures of the Final Destination films at The New York Times last week. Yes, The New York Times. Praised the Final Destination movies. Egads! The world is weird. And wonderful! Here's a choice bit from the article (which seems to exist solely because they didn't release the fourth film, out today, for critics to view beforehand... and why would they have?):

"Contemporary scary movies are invested most in the spectacle of death, and compared with the torture-porn degradations of the “Saw” and “Hostel” movies, the “Final Destination” films are a refreshingly upfront and tongue-in-cheek admission of that fact.

Their first innovation is the casting of Death itself as the antagonist, which turns out to be quite pleasing from a design perspective. These are remarkably streamlined, clutter-free movies, unencumbered by the need to identify the killer or his motivation, let alone explain why he appears to die at the end of one film only to be revived at the start of the next. There is no supernatural or psychological back story and — a rarity in this most charged of genres —no sociopolitical subtext to speak of. At most, for those so inclined, the movies function as memento mori, posing cosmic questions about fate and mortality. The arc of any “Final Destination” film — a futile, movielong negotiation with Death — echoes that of the Bergman classic “The Seventh Seal.”"

Bergman and Final Destination, together at last! I've been saying this shit for years, though.
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Hey, It's The Descent: Part 2 Trailer!

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Watching the first Descent film all by my lonesome in a theater all those years back is still one of my horror movie-going highlights, of ever. I hope we get this sequel playing proper over here in the States. I have no expectations of Part 2 topping Neil Marshall's original, but word-of-mouth has been better than expected so I think it might be something fun at the very least. I mean, there's only so wrong you can go with the equation "Caves + Monsters", ya know? Gotta be something to love.

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Just Five Hundred And Eighteen Minutes To Go!

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I know, lady! I'm excited too!
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5 Off My Head - Forgiving David Fincher

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I was going to start this off by saying that I made no secret of my disdain for David Fincher's last film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button... but I sorta did. I got very sad whenever the topic came up and didn't really want to talk about it. In the run-up to the film's release I was terrifically enthusiastic. I posted everything I could for months on end. And then I saw the movie, and I was... underwhelmed. And I got more underwhelmed with time. And more annoyed the more the media touted the film as something it was not, like good. The Oscar nominations for the film were, honestly, a joke (except for the special effects, of course), and a slap in the face to somebody like me who'd championed Fincher for so long - so he goes and directs a meandering by-the-numbers hollow pretty picture book and suddenly he's embraced by the sods that ignored all his better previous work? That's the message we want to send to challenging filmmakers! Embrace your crappy side! Ugh.

Anyway. Today is David Fincher's 47th birthday. And I need to let go. I need to let go of the pain, the anguish, the hate. I need to remind myself that pre-Button he'd made six straight films that I at the very-least liked (Alien³ is underrated) and at the very-most thought were masterpieces (get back into Zodiac mode, David!). So with that in mind, a remembrance of things good, here are five really - really - random and very brief things from his films that I adore and remind me why he should still be one of my favorite filmmakers.

GOOP in a box

"My god. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."

Jake in the basement

He's always up for destroying something beautiful

"Slide."
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And now for y'all, a query!

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