So somehow there existed a movie in the world that starred (well, co-starred) my beloved Michael Schoeffling (best known to most people as Molly Ringwald's Sixteen Candles object of affection Jake Ryan, or maybe the bus driver that drove Winona Ryder to sin in Mermaids) as a wrestler. We're talking singlets, man-on-man rolling around, the works. And somehow, I did not know this was! Sure, I'd heard of Vision Quest, I'd seen the fruity box cover at the video store since I was a kid. But Matthew Modine, who I knew was the film's star, had never been enough of an incentive for a rental.
But just last week I stumbled upon knowledge of Michael Schoeffling's involvement in the film (yes, I should've dissected and studied his IMDb page long ago; my bad), and I immediately rectified this situation. And because I am thinking of you, the children, the other ones who also never knew such a wonder existed until now, well it's my job to educate. To let this never happen again! Michael Schoeffling is in Vision Quest! And god bless us all, Vison Quest is a really fucking gay movie. How gay is it, you ask? Here are a couple of visual clues. The villain is this dude:
And he's shot like Eastern European porn every time he's on-screen. He also has a tendency to surprise our hero in the restroom.
In one of the earliest scenes in the film, Matthew Modine's character is felt up by a customer at the hotel he works at, under the guise of impulsive yoga.
Modine's reaction is to push the man off, and to then bust into a fit of push-ups. Weird!
And Oscar winner Forest Whitaker plays a fellow wrestler named "Balldozer."
But to our main attraction. The relationship between Modine and Michael Shoeffling's characters - Schoeffling's named Kuch! - is tre gay. They're always all over each other in a way I did not mind looking at at all. Indeed, I've documented it in approximately five thousand pictures below. I'm not exaggerating; I could not stop taking grabs. There are an obscene number of images captured below. He's... just... so... lovely. Even with that terrifying hair and bizarre Native American fetish. Speaking of his odd look, I'm guessing Jared Leto's a fan of Schoeffling's as well, since his look in the movie Highway (co-starring Jake Gyllenhaal!) was so obviously inspired by our Kuch:
But mostly this is just an excuse to get more pictures of pretty pretty Michael Schoeffling on the internet, because the online shrines to him are seriously lacking. I do my duty, y'all.
It should be noted, that in that weigh-in scene - god bless that weigh-in scene, by the way - that Matthew Modine is supposed to be butt-naked as Kuch and friend caress and grab at him. It should be noted.
But if all that isn't gay enough for you to understand this is one of the gayest movies ever made outside of hardcore gay porn, the movie crams in fucking Madonna!
Gay! Gay! Gayest gay to ever gay! Also, Daphne Zuniga!
My gaydar just went Chernobyl, y'all.