Pleased To Eat You

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I don't know why they went and added the qualifier to the title but the movie called The Meg now has been bandying about (as just plain ol' "Meg") for quite a long time - I remembered writing about it when Eli Roth was going to make it in 2015 but that post led me to an even older iteration where Jan De Bont was going to make it in 2006! Anyway those folks never got it done - it took John Turteltaub, the director of the National Treasure movies (or if you're feeling nostalgic for the 1990s the director of 3 Ninjas and Cool Runnings) to get it done. Or more likely it took star Jason Staham to get it done.

Anyway I don't know why it's taken Statham so long to star in a movie that's gotten him into a wetsuit, given his professional speedo past but I'm glad we're here at last. The Meg is out on August 10th and lo behold it has a trailer (I'm sharing the International one but you can watch the US version right here):
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It looks fun in the same old trashy way all of these Jaws 

rip-offs are - if it's up to the lofty trash standards of 

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon we'll be doing fine. 

My What Big Jaws You Have, Jason Statham

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You really could finish the sentence "I've always wanted to see Jason Statham fight a [fill in the blank] with a million different words -- A robot? Sure! A gorilla? You bet! The zipper on my jeans? Uh huh! So anyway today when I read the news that he's signed on to star in Meg, the long-gestating adaptation of Steve Alten's 1997 book about a killer prehistoric Megalodon shark, I was like... okay! I will watch that. And it's true. I will watch that. 

The fact that Statham was a professional diver in his youth makes this a no-brainer - it's surprising he hasn't made a water-bound thriller before now, ya know? Let's just hope he's kept his speedo warm. (Or if he needs a speedo-warmer, he can totally call me.) Or at the very least let's hope he wears a slutty half-sized sleeveless wet-suit the entire movie like Thomas Jane did for Deep Blue Sea. (Mmm Thomas Jane in Deep Blue Sea.)

I Am Link

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--- The Rim Is On - The sad internet echo chamber got another one wrong -- Guillermo Del Toro says that Pacific Rim 2 is not dead, and he's still handing in his script to the studio in a couple of weeks. I am down with that news! GDT says he might do something else first though, and seeing as how he's always got approximately five thousand things lined up I don't doubt it. Oh and there are a few new pictures from Crimson Peak over at The Playlist.

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--- Small Dive - One day Jason Statham's getting called a shitty actor by Paul Bettany and the very next he's turning to the small screen for employment - coincidence? Never underestimate the power of Bettany, or something. Anyway Statham's set to turn the book series that also birthed Daniel Craig in Layer Cake into a TV series - it'll be called Viva La Madness, but there's no network attached yet. I can't remember, was Craig's character in Layer Cake also a diver? because I feel like Statham really needs to break out his old speedo at this point in his career. it's well past due, even.

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--- Mr Elegance - Yes Tom Hardy followed up what he had to say to that "inelegant" journalist who basically asked him if he's totes into cock and junk with this and that about the way it was phrased and yadda he was actually very nice and reasonable about it all, and I am on his side or whatever. But I am still waiting for the answer to my question about, you know, if he's into me specifically. Well, Tom? Also, speaking of Gay Tom Hardy, his movie Legend got pushed back a couple of weeks - now it's out around Thanksgiving-ish.

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--- And Speaking of actors trying to clarify points they made that I both understood and rolled my eyes right out of my head over, here's Emelia Clarke saying she was misquoted with what she said about her discomfort with "gratuitous" sex scenes... but she once again annoys me with her seeming disavowal of the worth of anything actually gratuitous. Gratuitous has its place, good lady!

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But sometimes, my beloved Mother of Dragons, isn't "gratuitous for gratuitous' sake" kinda a-okay as well? pic.twitter.com/ZIHdjh0KeH

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) September 16, 2015

 --- Winnin' Women - The Emmys are this weekend and I might watch just to see who wins the two big Best Actress prizes -- and then if it's not Frances McDormand and Lisa Kudrow, watch out world! Over at the Film Experience the Team submitted Top Ten lists of their favorite nominations (I missed the deadline, boo, but mine would've has Lisa on top like most everybody else anyway), and speaking of you should read Matthew Eng's piece on Why Kudrow Needs To Win over at Tribeca.
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--- Flip it Fassy - I can't really keep track of how many trailers there have been for Danny Boyle's Steve Jobs movie but hey here's a new one, and it's got this shot of Michael Fassbender...
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... so I'm good with it. I really like the ad that's been playing on TV lately with the Mac sound incorporated into the music; I wonder if that's actually in the film's score? It might be too on the nose there but it works beautifully in a trailer, anyway. (thanks Mac)

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--- And Finally, speaking of scores I haven't bothered listening to this, the first snippet of Thom Yorke's score for the upcoming Pinter play with Clive Owen on Broadway, because it will make me depressed that I decided spending a hundred bucks to go see a Broadway show just so I could hear the score wasn't a worthy usage of my limited funds. But maybe you're stronger than I.
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Jude Law Sure Loves His Chest Hair

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Coincidentally I also love Jude Law's chest hair, so at least we've got that much in common. I don't know that I'd leave the house for a red carpet event without making sure I was wearing a dress shirt, but hey, I'm not a famous actor who loves his chest hair, what do I know?

I do sometimes feel like he's trying to make up for what he's lost up top though. "See folks? No problem in the hair department! It just shifted downstairs!" He should just wear a speedo then if that's his purpose. Seriously, Jude, no one would mind. NO ONE.

These pictures (via) are from the Spy premiere in London yesterday -- look at Melissa's smile, sandwiched between those two. Damn her, the lucky so-and-so. I'm seeing Spy tonight! And I'm really very much looking forward to it.

Several new clips from the film were released this week; I've tried to stop watching new footage because I'm afraid all the good gags are getting out there but here's one centering on Jason Statham because I keep hearing he's a comedic revelation in the movie and I can't wait. Although anybody that's seen the Crank movies already knew dude's funny as heckfire.

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Spy opens on June 5th!

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Statham's Speedo Again (And Again)

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As we've previously noted a few times, on very happy and enthusiastic occasions, Jason Statham was a professional swimmer before he became an actor. For a very long time there was only one picture's worth of proof of this. But now, thanks to Jason Statham having his own public Facebook and Instagram accounts, his speedo can be far and wide. When you're an actor of Jason Statham's, um, caliber, these are the sorts of things you want to spread far and wide, see. (Click here and here for more previous speedo action.)

I Am Link

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--- Eat Em Up - Because my four-day weekend of leisure and relatively off-line luxury (I was on Instagram a ton but that doesn't count right?) kept me news-free I'm super behind today and so big news-items that'd probably get more attention if I had time are being crammed into one of these posts. Like the news that Eli Roth's cannibal flick The Green Inferno has been wrenched from its release date next month and delayed... indefinitely? No word on when we'll see it, period. Now I'm even more upset that I had to miss it when it screened here in New York several months ago. We'll keep our ear to the ground, natch.

--- Doggy Style - The first clip from The Drop, the movie with Tom Hardy and Matthias Schoenaerts making googly eyes at each other for two hours (that's all it is, right?) dropped over the weekend and oh my god they are so close all I can think about is their breath intermingling. (Remember that time I photo-shopped them even closer? Good times.) I love that Vulture says they call the movie "Tom Hardy Puppy Party" in their offices though, I might have to adopt that.

--- But Speaking of Matthias Schoenaerts he's on the cover of Out magazine this month and you can see the pictures and read the interview over here. (thanks Mac) I kind of hate most of the pictures - what's with all of the nasty green fur? - but his face, his face is just fine. And also in the interview he talks about how sexy Marlon Brando still is today, and now I am lost, lost, lost unto that fantasy of those two.

--- And Speaking of dudes giving interviews where you can read gayness into their answers, here's a chat with big-time gratuity-recipient and Into the Woods star Billy Magnussen where he's very very vague with the pro-nouns when talking about being whorish for awhile in his life - lots of the word "people" dropped - he slept with some people - which rings some bells, it does.

--- Silver Surfer - How about the news that besides being a professional diver, speedo included, apparently Jason Statham spent some time dancing in silver underpants in music videos? Now that's some news right there. He was the background go-go boy in an Erasure video in 1994. This blows everything I thought I knew about the world out of the water. (Okay not really, I've long been convinced Statham's had penises other than his own in his vicinity before, for sure.)

--- Jumbo Jurassic - This is a nifty treat: CBM has over thirty unused poster designs for the original Jurassic Park movie back in 1993 - it's great to see the way some ideas slide in and out of contention or morph into others, and where the final design seemed to come from.

--- Toupee Nightmares - Corey Stoll has decided to play along with us like he knew his wig sucked righteous wind in The Strain now but I'm not buying it - even if he's got a transformation coming, I don't see why he had to look like a fucking clown first. They've got some selling to do on that score. Also he's not doing himself any favors, comparing his character to Walter White - let's have some perspective, dude. And I say this as somebody who's sort of enjoying the show, in spurts.

--- Lynch Lover - Most of this chat with Justin Theroux is about The Leftovers, which I haven't started watching yet - I've got too much else to watch right now but I plan on gorging on the show in one big chunk once the first season is done. Anyway since most of the interview's about that show I skipped most. But the bits about Mulholland Drive and superhero movies toward the end are great.

--- And Finally James Franco is filming that ex-gay movie with Gus van Sant and naturally since he's a good attention whore he's using the occasion to Instagram his every moment (what, you think I don't hear the echo back to the start of this post where I talked about Instagramming my vacation constantly? I hear myself, don't you worry) - Towelroad takes a look at the first shot of him in character, and then here's a more recent shot of him and Zachary Quinto, who he will hopefully be having monstrously gratuitous relations with. We are owed, James.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... deep diving with Nev Schulman.

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I guess today is all about the speedo - first we got that Jason Statham video and now this. Nev in all his furry glory only shows up at the end of the video to pose and flex for a hot second, but it's a perfectly fine hot second, it is. (See previous Nev appreciations here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here.) And the rest of the video is a couple of cute dudes hanging around in speedos too, pretending it's silly that they'd ever wear speedos, when I was having a just fine time watching them in speedos. So basically, watch the video. And after the jump a couple more pics of Nev...

Statham Speedo The Second

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If you're a fan of Jason Statham then you maybe already know that before he became an actor he was a professional diver, of all things. And yet pictures of this chapter in his life have been woefully scarce. There's only been one other shot I've been able to suss out, see it here. But yeah, that picture up top is indeed him, he posted it to his own Facebook page. Fun fact - yesterday actually wasn't his birthday! It's actually July 26th. He posted on Facebook to sort that out, which led me to the speedo pic. 

And uh from there it led me to a bunch of other pictures that I have never seen. Like Jason Statham in a wetsuit. Holy moly, yes.

Hit the jump for more...

The Expendables Take The Olympics

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That picture is totally making me rewrite the London Olympics into something much more action-packed than they were. You do know that once upon a time Jason Statham was a diver, right? So naturally I'm mentally writing a story of terrorism set in the world of competitive diving... and naturally, this all leads to Jason Statham and Dolph Lundgren kidnapping a speedo-clad Tom Daley for... nefarious... purposes...

Yes please! Anyway there be a whole bunch of movies out today, including The Expendables 2... which yes will now totally pale in comparison to the story I just laid out. Take that, Stallone! 

Also out is Cosmopolis, which I've reviewed twice (once twice) now, and Sparkle, Whitney Houston's final film, which I have also seen and which I throw down a couple of very quick thoughts about in this week's piece over at Celebrity Beehive, where I also talk up all the other movies (ParaNorman, Compliance, Robot and Frank, The Odd Life of Timothy Green) out today. 

But really, this is all you're thinking about. Admit it. 

Anybody seen Terry Crews? He loves speedos.

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Statham Went Swimming

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(via) Just the other day I was telling my boyfriend how Jason Statham was supposedly a champion diver back in the day, and we wondered anew at how there could be a total lack of evidence - in the form of an endless supply of pictures of him in a speedo, naturally - proving this fact. It don't make no sense! Bollocks it is! One shot ain't gonna do it, Statham! Release the archives! We demand it.

Speaking of that one shot, looking through MNPP's Jason Statham posts I see that I've somehow never posted that picture here. Crazy! Musta been saving it for a rainy day. And hey, it's supposed to rain this very fucking afternoon! 'Magine that.

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