I usually avoid doing these since I'm fairly terrible at memorializing pop-culture figures that I cared about in proper (which is to say non-selfish) ways. But I'm going to be doubly terrible at this one because I am fully and utterly devastated right now. To say that Paul Reubens, the man behind Pee-wee Herman, was influential in creating the weirdo typing before you today, is like saying I'm made of molecules. Paul imprinted his sly little smirk onto every single one of those molecules and he sent them on their merry way, from as far back as I can remember. I was 9-years-old when the Playhouse started airing -- I've written about that show a billion times here at MNPP and I wrote a big piece on it for Mashable last fall for its 36th anniversary -- but I'd surely already seen Tim Burton's 1985 movie by then. Whichever came first the takeover was complete and immediate, and even though I didn't get it at the time I surely do now -- in Pee-wee I was seeing something so personal, so aimed straight for me and little boys and girls exactly like me. Those of us who didn't fit in, whose giddiness was a little over-the-top, who day-dreamed and dressed peculiar and found ourselves stuck in ways we couldn't comprehend at the time. Paul saved my life at a transformative moment, showing me how to stay bright and have humor and slip by the bullies even if you couldn't beat them up -- I finally got who I could be, as a person; that there were ways to survive it all and really actually get to be a person.
And I'm crying too much right now to really do any of this justice -- I'll just add that I wrote a little thing that said some of this stuff when Pee Wee's Big Holiday came out in 2016 and somehow, I have no idea how, Paul saw it. And he sent me a lovely note saying thank you. And I think maybe I died instantaneously and everything since has been hell? It was late 2016 after all! It all makes sense! But for real he wrote that note and then he put me on his Christmas card list and he texted me every year on my birthday to wish me a happy one and to say that this was something I ever came close to comprehending would be deeply false. I have had moments where I felt like I have accomplished things in my life, where I have written something I was proud of or met someone I was a fan of and geeked out about it, but these were the greatest of all of them. I never did and will never wrap my head around the fact that, even in this tiniest of ways, Paul Reubens reached out and made me feel special. After he'd already done so very much for me already. An absolute king, my hero, a wonderful kind and funny man. I love you, Paul.
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5 comments:
Great piece. He was one of a kind.
Agree. Not many people can say that they had actual (positive) contact with someone who affected them in such a profound way. Rest in peace, Paul. Thanks for the laughs. We need them now more than ever.
nice!
Beautiful. Thanks for putting into words so much of what I'm feeling today.
His standup was so funny. Early on he had already fully formed the Pee Wee character to the point you didn't know his actual name. He was just Pee Wee Herman. He later had to be outed as Paul Rubens cuz no one knew his real name. But the Pee Wee standup days were so joyous and completely original. His Playhouse show blew my mind. I could have never anticipated the world he built from the standup. And then the abrupt shutdown of his character from that scandal. Another case were the prudish outrage to protect children from that bullshit. But it was great while it lasted.
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