Wednesday, October 24, 2018

13 Mustaches of Halloween #6

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Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula is very nearly a perfect movie, in my ever so humble opinion - nearly perfect except for one little thing: Gary Oldman's young sexy Dracula is not in any way shape or form sexy. Don't come at me, bro. He just isn't. Oldman does a commendable job playing Old Wizened Dracula and Werewolf Dracula and Pile Of Rats Dracula - all of those things I can buy Gary Oldman as. But sexy? With that weave?

Their sex scene is definitely somewhere on my list of movie moments that had me going full Val Cherish with a deep-throated "I don't need to see that." That said Ryder & Oldman are at least able to sell me on the sweep and spell of their ancient doomed romance... but the non-sexiness of Gary Oldman becomes even more problematic for me when it comes to the character of Lucy...

... because Miss Lucy already has two perfectly ride-able mustaches right there at her disposal. Prissy Cary Ewes and Cowboy Billy Campbell, man! You can't go wrong with Cowboy Billy Campbell.

But perhaps I'm nuts? Y'all tell me...



And click here for the 13 Mustaches of Halloween!
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8 comments:

Simon said...

No mention of Keanu’s terrible English accent? Although his sex factor is at a high at this point so I usually let it go. Great movie.

Jason Adams said...

I mean it's bad, but I kind of love it. I find myself talking in it every time I watch the movie.

Pierce said...

I thought Anthony Hopkins chewed the scenery through it, and putting Sasha Frost in an orange corset was a bit much. Oldman was fun as Dracula, but sexy? Hardly. See the 1976 Count Dracula with Louis Jourdan. He's far sexier as Dracula. So is Frank Langella! My top choice, though, goes to Jourdan!

Pierce said...

My bad. It's Sadie Frost, not Sasha. Still check out the Louis Jourdan!

olins said...

I am surprised, I think you missed the boat. Watch Oldman shave Keanu, that is sexy!

Anonymous said...

Um, I believe you meant "I don't need to SEE that!"

Jason Adams said...

Oh god good catch, thanks for that, Anon - yes I meant "see" obviously, not sure why I typed "say" -- fixed it.

Aquinas1220 said...

Keanu's hotness getting felt up by raging sex vampirettes...Loved it. Oldman? EW NO