Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Boo For You

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Hey everybody! Checking in from here the middle of my holiday break to direct you over to The Film Experience, where today I listed The 15 Scariest Scenes of 2015! The above scene does not figure in but honestly if I was allowed I probably could've made the entire list nothing but scenes from It Follows, which is clearly the horror film of the year. (Even with a couple moments of silliness. Hell there's nothing wrong with some silliness.) Anyway click that link and check it out, I had a lot of fun writing it. And please let me know what you would've included that I was a dumb-ass for forgetting!
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Monday, December 28, 2015

Did Somebody Say Max Schreck?

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Tomorrow is the 15th anniversary of one of my favorite movies, Shadow of a Vampire, which stars John Malkovich & Willem Dafoe as the director & star of Nosferatu, respectively, turning that very real horror film into a very real horror film. I adore Shadow of the Vampire and quote from it liberally in my life, so what better way to celebrate 15 years of its wonder than by again facing off its protagonists, both of them beasts in the process of making beauty -- head over to The Film Experience and make your pick!
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Saturday, December 26, 2015

"Hell, the sexes are equal..."

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"... with their erogenous zones blown sky-high!"

Come at me again about how adult Christopher Nolan's simple-minded little Batman movies are and I will come back at you with an armada of genital-scorching little people in penguin costumes to say you don't know jack, brother.
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Last Manly Man Standing

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Like the shark from Jaws IV: The Revenge: Adonis Creed's blood legacy just won't leave him be. When we first meet him he's throwing punches - but for good reasons! - in juvie, where a social worker tells us "He's a good kid, but he just... fights." He can't help it! The boy can't help it. For he is Creed, and yadda yadda that's the way these things go. 

He doesn't even know who his father is at first, you guys! And when he does, he doesn't want to take that name. He gets promotions at his office job, he carries packages for little old ladies that look like Sylvester Stallone. He is a good kid. He just... fights.

And it is Creed: The Movie's job to convince us that this is okay! Hey nevermind all that stuff we maybe once said about forging your own path or being your own man - what really matters is you eventually take your father's name and quit your office job and get that sexy girl singer to coo over your big muscles and stare dreamily at you from the sidelines as you pound other dude's faces bloody. Cuz men! And hey maybe one day you too can cheat this girl - once she's too old for you and has nothing to do but sit round her giant mansion by herself sloshing enormous glasses of wine around - and keep the family legacy going.

Because legacy is what counts! Not just counts - legacy is what will follow you to the ends of the earth, no matter what you do, and sink its fangs in and never let go. If that legacy just happens to be the inability to control one's own violence, all the better! This is inspirational, I guess? That's what I hear anyway.

The original Rocky movie worked, and still works, because Rocky Balboa is proven to be a man of limited choices. He is not smart, and his world is small. He has some swagger with Adrian, but she is the shyest shop-girl you've ever seen in all your life - it would be difficult to not come off as confident opposite her. He doesn't own the neighborhood - hell, he has his most intimate conversations with turtles. Punching dudes down is believably all he has, the film is able to make the case... and then the triumph of the film is that it's not all he has - Rocky loses the fight but gets the girl and a glimmer of respect in the outside world, and that is triumphant. Adriannnn!

In Creed Adonis Creed's triumph turns out to be that he has a world of choices but the only choice right for him is what he was born into. It is in his blood. Yes in the end he too loses, but just by technicality, which is screenwriter speak for "hey everybody liked that in the first movie." And yes he too gets the girl, that gorgeous cypher who one time gives a speech about how maybe she's just using him to advance her own story-line, as if this speech does anything but make us more aware of what a cypher she is, just there to advance Adonis' story-line. (Her career is there to show us how sexy she is, not to legitimately get in the way or anything, and how dare she insist otherwise doesn't she know CANCER.) And the only name being cried out before the end credits is the only one that matters, that of the absent father whose only act for his son was abandoning him (and please nevermind that dead mother, she's hardly mentioned) - no, nothing but Creed. Creed. Creed.
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Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Round Young Virgins

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Have one ho, two hos, three whole hos, people. We're off for the holiday break. If you see anything worth yapping about - a news-item or a movie or a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal making out with Jai Courtney, you know whatever - share it in the comments or tweet it at us or write it on our Facebook page or make a bat-signal like signal in the shape of Jake Gyllenhaal making out with Jai Courtney, and share! And we'll see you in 2016!
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Today's Mood

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Wake me up before you Gogo.
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Pic of the (Other) Day

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A photo posted by Jason Adams (@jasonaadams) on

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I keep forgetting to post this picture from my time in DC last weekend -- at the National Portrait Gallery they have all four of Katharine Hepburn's Academy Awards on display! I usually like to visit horror movie locations when I go anywhere, but seeing as how I'd already been to The Exorcist stairs a couple of times on previous trips these Oscars ended up being the closest I got to anything movie related. But nifty all the same. I'd actually highly recommend the museum as a whole - there are some fascinating portraits stocked up in there. Bonus: Here's John Waters!
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Who's Got My Hunnam

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I guess today (like every day) is about beautiful men holding puppies. I am cool with that. Anyway sad Charlie Hunnam centric news today - his King Arthur movie with director Guy Ritchie has been pushed back from this upcoming July to the following February 2017. Boo! Where the hell will I get my Hunnam fix in the meantime? He's also got that Lost City of Z movie happening but since that was just filming a couple of months ago I doubt we'll see that soon; it doubtlessly has plenty of effects that need to be worked on. Well I guess it's finally time for him and Aidan Gillen to do a Queer as Folk reunion then! What better way to keep yourself on our radar than by sitting on Littlefinger's face...

Great Moments In Movie Shelves #47

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Last summer the Film Society of Lincoln Center did a retrospective of 1970s erotic art films by the soft-core pornographer Radley Metzger -- I posted a little bit about it right here. Well I wish I had gone to see his 1970 film The Lickerish Quartet now that I'm seeing the sex scene set in a glorious looking library! 

Yeah yeah the actor is a leering bouffanted creep - it's 70s porn, whaddya want? And I'm more interested in those shelves, those glorious shelves! Look at this set!

You can watch or buy the entire film on Amazon (not sure where their copy stands on the soft to hardcore scale) or you can watch the scene set in the library below. It is NSFW, but hysterically funny and good-natured in a way porn really needs to re-learn how to be.
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Which is Hotter?

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Well isn't this just a hilarious coincidence -- both Luke Evans and Colton Haynes, professional confirmed bachelors, have revealed that they've had their nipples pierced within the past week. Colton posted that shot on his Instagram and Luke was seen at the beach (hanging out with his speedo friend again to boot). Somebody should really get these two together -- they can go be confirmed bachelors with each other, nipple-playing to their hearts content.
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Hardy Has Words

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Dunno if y'all have been following the dust-up over the recent Twitter rant by critic Drew McWeeny against actor Tom Hardy's unprofessionalism, as Drew saw it, when an interview between the two of them fell through, but in case you missed it here's a recap. Anyway Tom Hardy's no slouch internet-wise and he has taken to the 'net to speak his own truth, and you can read that where I reposted it on the Tumblr. Basically it's a lot of miscommunication between "people" and yadda yadda it gives me an excuse to post these gifs of Tom flexing in a sleeveless shirt, the end.


Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Gift (2000)

Buddy: You have to tell me, 
and you have to tell me now. 
Annie: I'll tell you, hun. 
Buddy: If I look into a blue diamond, 
and I think a negative thought, am I gonna die? 
Annie: No, you're not gonna die. 
You're not gonna die, Buddy. 

Sam Raimi's The Gift came out 15 years ago yesterday!
You've come so far, Cate Blanchett.
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John Boyega Eight Times

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Who Wore It Best?

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I Am Link

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--- Knick Knick - Dunno if any of youse guys like The Knick, I haven't really talked about the show much here (save my lust for Michael Angarano wearing nothing but a top-hat and a grin), but the second season just ended this week with maybe its best episode ever, and The Playlist talked to Steven Soderbergh about the ending (so spoilery, natch) and what is ahead for the show. Summation -- it won't be back until at least 2017 and it will probably be somebody else directing everything, though he'll still produce. It could even skip to a new time-frame but I think that would be a mistake; the period informs so much of what makes the show peculiar and particular I'd hate to lose that. But my suggestion for an auteur to take the show over is Andrea Arnold, please!

--- And Speaking of the auteurs slide to the little boxes, David Fincher is slapping himself across another smaller-screen project - he's going to direct an adaptation of the nonfiction book Mind Hunter: Inside The FBI's Elite Serial Crime Unit for Charlize Theron to star in (I think; the wording is vague, she could be just a producer), which is about you gussed it tracking down serial killers. David Fincher's never done anything like that before! Seriously though Fincher + Theron is killer. This would be for HBO, by the way. But seeing as how Fincher's had two television projects fall apart in the past year we will not be holding our breath.

--- Delayed High - I've been so busy the past week or so I haven't been able to do one of these posts in a bit (they're time consuming, in case that isn't obvious) - point being a few of these news-items are a little creaky. Like here is the trailer for Ben Wheatley's High-Rise, which has been out for a week and which I really really really shoulda been all over since I've been clamoring for this movie, which stars Tom Hiddleston and Luke Evans and Jeremy Irons and Elisabeth Moss and is based on a neat-sounding JG Ballard book which I still haven't gotten around to reading even though I've said I was going to read it months and months and months ago when I first heard about this. Oh & PS I haven't even watched this trailer myself; that's where I'm at!

--- The Big Furry - Somehow I had totally forgotten that Netflix had given Christopher Guest the cash to make a brand new mockumentary, bless them, and over at DH they talked to Guest regular Jane Lynch about the project, which is about those folks who wear team mascot costumes, and is called, appropriately, Mascots. Be forewarned she gives away some of the gags surrounding her character and she probably shouldn't have - I imagine they will play funnier on-screen than they do just having them laid out in front of us in written conversation. But still I was glad to be reminded!

--- His Joy - We should have posted this link the other day when we posted that attractive (is there any other kind) picture of Edgar Ramirez, but hey two Edgar Ramirez mentions won't spoil anybody's fun -- here's an interview with Edgar talking about his role opposite Jennifer Lawrence in David O. Russell's film Joy, which is out this week, and which I will probably watch in the next 24 hours.Oh and here's an interview with him talking Point Break, which he's pretending will warrant a sequel, the adorable fool. (thx Mac)

--- And Bringing together several strands from above, speaking of Old News and Netflix Projects hey didja hear about how Netflix is making a new movie starring Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, and Bette Midler? Yeah I know of course you did, and I really have nothing new to add to the conversation, except my own weak little "Hooray!" I'm not even the biggest fan of The First Wives Club (as far as 90s lady projects it's middle of the road but it has some very fun moments) but I do love these actresses and it'll be fun seeing them reunited. And since it's not a First Wives Club sequel they can bring back Stockard Channing too, right?

--- Ring Out The Awesome - Nathaniel's doing his spectacular spectacular "Year in Review!" over at The Film Experience this week through next and he's already covered a ton o' 2015 fun -- the year's worst movies, the years best fashion, the year's best animals. It's non-stop hootenanny, cinematically speaking. I will have my own list of something or other to add next week to it, so stay tuned (I will definitely link up) for that.

--- And Finally just when you think James Franco can't top himself (unlike his brother Dave who is quite excellent at topping himself) with the gay stuff he goes and announces that he's remaking the Tori Spelling classic garbage flick Mother May I Sleep With Danger for Lifetime. That is the gayest thing he has ever done. That is gayer than letting Michael Shannon butt-fuck you, that is how gay that is.


Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Matthias Schoenaerts Holding A Puppy

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The world is not big enough to hold all of this.
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Good Morning, Gratuitous Louis Garrel Again

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It's not Louis Garrel's birthday today and I don't even know what movie these gifs are from, but I didn't have anything else to post this morning and I'd seen these making the rounds on Tumblr recently, so why not? That Louis has a nude scene out there that I'm unfamiliar with at this point, after all the posting and posting and posting, is enough of a gift to warrant a Christmas-Week lovefest. But these pictures do fit in with something I've had on my mind this week - namely, dick! (I know, "Just this week???" you're thinking.) 

Yesterday I read this article at Vulture talking about penis being all over TV this year, and then there's the conversation surrounding those shots of Zac Efron flashing what many have decided is CG Junk in the German trailer for his next movie -- next to Louis, strutting around not giving a shit, announcing to the world - Hey, it's just a penis! Half the world's got 'em! - doesn't it make Zac look like the biggest (heh) wimp imaginable? That they would spend whatever they spent on CG'ing Zac's anatomy is truly the obscenity here. The puritanical American attitude has been roasted a'plenty at this point, we've done it ourselves, but this takes the cock. Excuse me, the cake. Anyway let's celebrate the European attitude with one of our favorite European attitudes around, hit the jump for more Louis...
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Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Today's Mood

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Silent Night Demons Night

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Two of my favorite horror movies of all time (I'm not even kidding) are Lamberto Bava's Demons and Demons 2 - they are ridiculous but in the best most fun way imaginable. (See my epic post on the 2nd film here.) Anyway in case you need a last-minute stocking-stuffer blu-rays of both films are on sale today, for 40% off - aka 15 bucks each. You can't go wrong, people! I mean if nothing else there's David Edwin Knight to consider...


I Do Indeed Want Some, It's True

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I hadn't bothered watching the trailer for Richard Linklater's new movie -- Peter Travers at Rolling Stone calls it "Dazed and Confused meets the 80s!" because Peters Travers is a hack who just states facts and gets quoted on movie trailers! - called Everybody Wants Some because 1) Have I mentioned it often enough in the past two days that I am very busy?, and 2) I finally realized with Boyhood, after far too long of trying, that Richard Linklater's movies kind of just aren't for me. His most atypical film Bernie is my favorite; otherwise his genial chatterbox thing tends to bore or grate. Anyway that was all before I read the headline at Vulture that this movie looks like "a gay porn without the sex." I ain't too busy for that! 
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And then I remembered -- oh yeah this is the movie starring Tyler Hoechlin and Glen Powell and Ryan Guzman and a bunch of other very attractive young actors. Damn you, Richard Linklater! You sucked me in again. What do you guys think? And hit the jump for a few more caps from the certifiably Catalina-ish trailer (with lots of Tyler Hoechlin in short shorts, yo)...
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All I Want For Christmas...

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... is Matthias, Matthias, and more Matthias.
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... getting jungle fever with Derek Theler.

The Babydaddy hunk is currently hanging out in the rain-forests of Peru growing a fuzzy ginger beard (via his Instagram) and I'm contemplating a green Christmas, very green - helicoptering myself down there and going all Predator on his ass. But not violent like the Predator. More like... a Sex Predator. That's me! Mister A Number One Sex Predator. Anyway if he doesn't take any pictures of himself in a loincloth then this entire trip was a waste. Hit the jump for a few more shots, including some bonus underpants ones from some recent movie he was in...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Coriolanus (2011)

Caius Martius Coriolanus: He that will give good words to thee will flatter beneath abhorring. What would you have, you curs that like nor peace nor war? The one affrights you, the other makes you proud. He that trusts to you where he should find you lions, finds you hares; where foxes, geese. Who deserves greatness, deserves your hate. 

 Happy 53, Ralph Fiennes!
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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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