Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?

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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... abusing Armie Hammer.

But in a sexy way, of course. I wouldn't leave him with any (visible) marks like these pictures from the UK Men's Health (via) show. Oh I might leave him with emotional scars - in the wake of my affections he'd question everything he thought he knew, how he'd ever thought anything had any meaning before I was there, sure. That's to be expected. But I'd never bruise up that pretty face of his! 

Unless, you know, that's what he was into. Then all bets are off. We already know he likes to pull hair, as long as it's not his wife. I'll never marry you, Armie. I promise.

I was hoping I'd find a better version of this last shot, or at least one I could photoshop the annoying type off of, because Armie looks very pretty on that cover - then I noticed it's called TOP Magazine and I decided I would leave that be.
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Hustle Yourself Straight Into My Heart

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So far all we've known of American Hustle was they thought they could put "Bullshit" in the title for awhile and that Bradley Cooper has an insane perm for it. Well that's all I knew anyway - I kept meaning to look up what the real-life ABSCAM thing was that it apparently hinges on and kept forgetting. But now we know more! Because there is a trailer.

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And I must say that is a trailer that makes me want to watch a movie I was feeling ambivalent about before. I'll remind you I was not Silver Linings Playbook's biggest fan (here's my review) so I have my fingers crossed that this brings back the irreverent David O. Russell I fell for with I Heart Huckabees. Not that this resembles that incredible lunacy per se, but I wanna love DOR again so I call to mind my favorite of his in an effort to conjure good voodoo, is all. And just for the hell of it, here are some shots of note from the trailer...

Christian Bale's bounced drastically between being super skinny and super muscular for roles a couple of times, but has he done good ol' fashionedly chubby before?

Meanwhile Amy Adams look fab in her seventies outfits and big blowsy hair but man she's too itty bitty a thing to be selling me on any convincing rump shaking...

That is definitely not like two pigs wrestling under a blanket. It's more like a side salad with a little grilled chicken on top set under a napkin and tossed gently back and forth. Jennifer Lawrence, on the other hand...

She looks like a glorious mess! Can't wait! 

This back and forth alone...

... makes me want to carve a place out inside my hope chest for this movie to live forever and ever. Yes yes a thousand times yes. Amy's hair! The glares! They are everything. Please tell me they pull each other's hair at some point! I need it so!

I watched a bunch of Scarface last night, it was on the telly and it's really hard to change the channel if you come across that movie, especially if it's Michelle Pfeiffer on the screen. You give me a sleazy coke-whore crazy woman and I'm bound to fall in love. American Hustle looks like it's got plenty of that to go around.
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You Know I Love Surprises

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I'm beginning to feel suspect about the good news streak I'm having this week, you guys. Out of nowhere I'm (probably, no jinx) getting to see The World's End tonight; I just got word that I am getting to go after all to the Breaking Bad panel at Lincoln Center tomorrow (their system had crashed and I'd lost the tickets I'd wanted so badly, but now they've fixed it, hooray); a concert I'd bought tickets for but it turned out I wasn't going to be able to attend got cancelled at the last minute and the money I was set to lose was refunded instead; a friend of mine gifted me with an HD digital projector that apparently requires only the most basic of fixes that I feel entirely up to the task of making before the thousand dollar cast-off will work perfectly and I can set about making the home theater I've always dreamed of... happy tidings, y'all!

So naturally, this is all some kind of set up. Fate is going to skull fuck me sideways any second. Well until then, let's look at some more extraordinarily awesome news, eh? Awhile back we'd heard that Sam Mendes was going to make Penny Dreadful, a series for Showtime that would be a sort-of spin on A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, where old-timey literary characters would congregate together and have super adventures. Well now two actors have been announced - Josh Hartnett, who we were just asking about only a week ago, will play a "fake cowboy" named Ethan Chandler, and Eva Green will play basically the show's lead, a "haunted heroine" named Vanessa Ives. We looooove Eva Green and we looooove looking at Josh Hartnett, so this is fantastic. The director of The Orphanage is directing the first episodes, too. Excellent.

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Aaron Johnson Ass Watch 2013

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The Playlist has a new batch of pictures from the upcoming Kick-Ass sequel and the most important thing contained therein is the information, seen in the photo on the left, that his big hefty bullet-proof body-armor leaves his most magnificent asset exposed, a la chaps. As all we'd seen so far of that costume was from the waist-up we had cause to worry. Sleep easy tonight, fellow admirers! Oh and as long as we're here discussing this very important topic here's a shot of him in costume from the first film that is new to me, and worth a once (or fifteenth) over.
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Josh Bowman One Time

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Yea though I walk through the Valley of Revenge, I will fear no Bowman. He maketh me to lie down in furry pastures, he leadeth me beside the unzipped zipper - he restoreth my soul. (via)

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Good Morning, Meloni Mysteries

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I haven't gotten my copy from Netflix yet so I can't tell you if there's more Christopher Meloni skin in 42 than this, but when the film came out I'd heard there was... this was all I could find online for now, though. I suppose this is what patience was invented for. And as long as I'm throwing up my hands in consternation already here are two more pictures of him, what they come from I haven't a clue, but I'd like to...

Downton Abbey: After Dark

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The one where Thomas and Branson finally make it work. (via)

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Who Wore It Best?

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Sniveling asshole-ishness?

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poll by twiigs.com

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A happy 66 to William Atherton, ultimate 80s asshole.

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We Three Films Of Disorient Argh

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Blue Jasmine -- Yeah it's basically A Streetcar Named Madoff, but did you ever expect a Woody Allen movie to vibrate on the same wavelength as Requiem For a Dream? That's the note it - specifically Cate Blanchett's shaky, devastating performance - left on my palette in the end, and I liked it. There's a frisson at work that's more interesting than anything Woody's done in awhile, even if I don't think it coheres on a fundamental level like say something more basic and assured like Vicki Christina Barcelona did - Cate's performance is something all its own, splitting the seams of what might have been something entirely else, in somebody else's hands. That's not to say she's the whole of everything - I'm a little bit sad that Sally Hawkins isn't going to get the credit she deserves for balancing this stormy ship as well as she does with a performance that's matching Blanchett's while existing in that whole other movie as well. She's dancing backwards in high heels, while Cate just levels the world.

The Grandmaster -- As is often the case with Wong Kar-wai's movies I feel like there's a whole universe that he's riffing on that exists just a smidge outside of my grasp - think 2046, a puzzle that only comes into semi-clarity if you're a diehard Wong fanatic. Here it's the Ip Man mythology that's leaving me in the dust, of which all I know is the briefest of basics. Oh we get the life-story here, at least its basics - how this singular man wrapped a cultural expression of balletic violence around his pinkie and turned it upon the world - but its all done up in the pretty pretty packages of eye-popping set-pieces that feel as if they'd have meant a little bit more to me if I felt the weight of Ip Man as a Cultural Force more than my most basic recognition allows. I marvel at the movement, the color, and the planes of Tony and Ziyi's faces, while still managing to feel just a little bit left out. The train just keeps leaving the station.

The Call -- A perfectly ridiculous thriller for ninety-seven percent of its run-time - that is to say, perfectly ridiculously enjoyable, in the way you can get wrapped up in this kind of mindless trash and have a lot of fun with it. It was probably a total hoot to see this in the theater, and be the sort of person who yells curse words at the people acting stupid on-screen. It's mostly relentless enough that you can set aside all of your qualms and just toss yourself into the situation - director Brad Anderson knows his way around a quickening of your heart rate. But what an infuriatingly moronic and offensive ending it has, as stressed-out and split-ended as Halle's Sideshow Bob hair-do, going twenty-five thousand steps too far and flushing all of my dumb fun down the drain in the process.

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Loose Lumps Sink Dumps

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Writing Taxi Driver and Raging Bull probably gives Paul Schrader a lifetime's pass with some critics, and that's fine - we all have our weaknesses. For example yesterday over at The Film Experience when I wrote up how another Paul - Rudnick, specifically - was the writer of Annette Bening's possible new HBO show I only mentioned how he'd written Addams Family Values and ignored Isn't She Great and the Stepford Wives remake, amid other travesties. That's basically the gay version of the Paul Schrader thing. And when I expressed bafflement about that giant catfish horror movie Beneath last week it was all due to the director being Larry Fessenden - we can't help but look at the new projects of old talents through the gauzy haze their previous works pile over them.

That said I really can't summon the courage to twist myself up as pretzel-ish as needed to make heads or tails out of the slog that is The Canyons - at a certain point you've knotted up your own common sense, and your upstairs has migrated inside your downstairs but good. Flat and imbecilic, The Canyons is a chore in every sense. I can see an argument somewhere, murky and distant, about how plopping an actual tangible effort by the worn-down likes of Lindsay Lohan against a chattering wall of defiantly-terrible-everything-else and summoning up themes of The End of Cinematic Meaningfulness against it invites queries of existential nature - what does it mean for hopelessness to gin up something, even something so rabid and desperate as all this, against hope? And where are my cigarettes? - I just don't have it in me.

That is to say, Linds gives it the ol' college try, and man it's depressing. Schrader's camera centers her and her flailing about, smashing herself into the porn miasma she's found herself in, determined to rub off on anything and everything, and not leaving a mark (the scuzz is too deep). James Deen, as a walking penis, gets the penis part good. But I knew we were in trouble when early on he was called upon to walk from one side of a sidewalk up to a doorway and I couldn't buy even that from him. There's an entire scene in Synechdoche New York about actors attempting to walk naturally, which came to mind - "People don't walk like that." But that's as close to Charlie Kaufman as this thing comes. Somebody's gonna claim "meta" for this malarkey, but it just don't add up.

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Nick Jonas Never Does This, But...

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Or so he says on his Instagram, where he just sent out that picture to us the huddled masses, yearning to be there, on that.

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Pic of the Day

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Patrick Wilson on the set of his new movie Stretch in LA. (via)

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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?

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Tom Hardy Four Times

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(via; thanks Mac)

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Who Wore It Best?

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A hard hair part?

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poll by twiigs.com

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I can't be the only person who finds a well-defined part slicked down sexy, right? So these shots of Tom Hardy and Joel Kinnaman rocking the look on the set of their new film Child 44 (via) - and half out of military uniforms at that! - are really rubbing me the right way.

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Quote of the Day

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JoBlo has several quotes from Aaron Johnson, who is making the press rounds for Kick-Ass 2, on the prospect of him playing Quicksilver in the second Avengers movie... 

"I feel really flattered and honored that they came to me for that role. I think he’s an interesting character and we’re just gonna keep going into that. I sat down with Joss, I think he’s awesome, I sat down with the guys at Marvel and they’re also great; I think it’d be interesting.” 

He also calls Joss "a real dude," whatever that means. Anyway any and all opportunities to get Aaron into spandex are welcomed.

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No You're Out of Order

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As if I need another reason to bitch about BAM, they somehow slipped it by me that they're screening Edgar Wright's The World's End on August 17th with Wright and star Simon Pegg in attendance. I've seen Edgar do Q&As a couple of times and he's wonderful but never Simon. Damn it, BAM! Well anyway I should hopefully fingers crossed be seeing the movie this week if all goes according to plan... cut to me wearing a fake mustache and hiding inside a potted plant - why I have to do both of those things instead of just one, I don't know. I've avoided reviews but the film's already come out in the UK right? Any of you guys seen it yet? Don't ruin anything for me, just nod yes or no, slowly, without affect either way, please. Yadda yadda here's a new featurette on the film for those of us still jonesing for it:

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Comeback (2005)

Valerie: Instead of the barbeque line I could say, 

'If I let you have the puppies I'll have to let 

weird old Mr. Schmidt have a Satan flag!'

See that's good, because everybody hates Satan!"

A happy 50th birthday to Lisa Kudrow today!

I hope she finds a way to revive Valerie Cherish someday.

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Good Morning, World

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I wasn't a regular viewer of Felicity but I always said, at the time, that I preferred Scott Foley to Scott Speedman. What the fuck was wrong with me?

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What The Hell Are You Looking At?

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What the hell is a "cinemagraph"? Buzzfeed just posted several brand new what they call "cinemagraphs" from Paul Schrader's The Canyons, and all I see are gifs. So they're gifs? Why are they making me type that ridiculous word then? Aaaanyway I'm seeing this tonight and I can't decide if I'm terrified or excited. I'll let you know how it goes!. Schrader will be there - I know Lindsay won't show up but man I wish she would. That'd be something. Maybe James Deen will show? Not that I want to listen to anything he has to say but he could whip it out. It's the least he could do.

Sullivan Stapleton Four Times

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