Friday, March 20, 2009

This Is One Of The Stupidest Things I Have Ever Read In A Long Life Lived Reading Very Stupid Things


Dear Lord, who is this moron at that wrote this post, and are they serious? Here's what this "Mandi Bierly" has to say:

"'Watchmen' and other movies that shouldn't have shown breasts just because they could

Those of you who've seen Watchmen, answer me this: Were you distracted by Silk Spectre's bare bosoms during her love scene with Nite Owl? Days later, I'm still annoyed by them. I don't like when films show breasts just because (a) they've got the R-rating, so they can and (b) straight men are the presumed audience."

This person then goes on to, in the action of making her own defense, list several of the (hundreds of) reasons why her own argument is ridiculous:

"1. Am I just saying this because I didn't love the movie? No. I also found the bare breasts distracting during the opening sex montage in Wedding Crashers, a movie I did enjoy.

2. Am I just saying this because I've never read the comic? No. I've talked to someone who has, and she agreed that director Zach Snyder milked the scene to the point of absurdity. (I wasn't sure whether I was laughing at it or with it.)

3. Am I just saying this because I'm a straight woman? That's what I want to find out. It's possible, I suppose. I know when I mentioned this "breasts for breasts sake" concept to my male editor, his first response was, "What about abs for abs sake?"

4. Why wasn't I "distracted" by Dr. Manhattan's full frontal? Because it was his character's usual state, and it wasn't Billy Crudup's actual front.

5. Why didn't I even mention the skin we saw on Patrick Wilson during that Silk Spectre/Nite Owl love scene? Because that's how distracted I was by Malin Akerman's breasts!

So, back to my questions: Were you distracted by Watchmen's graphic sex scene? And what other films do you think bared all when they didn't need to?"

I... oh for fuck's sake, lady. They're breasts! They're presumably a part of your own body! More than half the population of the entire world has them strapped to their chest, and that's not even counting the lots and lots of men that have their own sort of pair! Also, these characters are having sex! Sex! Have you ever had sex? I imagine your boobs were probably involved in this act. Ugh. You are a moron! Moron!

Ugh this person is presumably PAID MONEY to write this crap! Jesus Christ. Here's more of Malin's boobs, just to counteract this nonsense.


Joe Reid said...

Am I seriously such a homo that I barely noticed Malin's boobs in Watchmen? I mean, I knew they were there, I guess, but so were her teeth and I didn't walk out of that movie being like "Oh my god, enough with the TEETH, Zack Snyder!"

Jason Adams said...

I didn't either, Joe, but I am seriously such a homo, so I'm not the one to judge by. I was too busy glaring at Patrick Wilson in all of those scenes. I mean... come on! Patrick Wilson ass everywhere!


i don't know if his ass was everywhere but it was certainly between Malin's legs and not mine!

the world is unfair.

SamuraiFrog said...

Malin's boobs should be a religion.

I often wonder how people who are so terrified at any aspect of the human body survive in the real world. Seriously, Mandi, you should just stop going to see R-rated movies from now on if you're going to be so traumatized by a little innocent skin.

Anonymous said...

I'm bi, and I was most distracted by the music.

This is such a blatant double standard. It's fine for Dr Manhattan and Nite Owl to strip off, but Silk Spectre isn't allowed to show her boobs?

PIPER said...

I noticed them and I thought about them for a long time.

And I think that Zach showed them for only one reason. And that's because I willed him to. I have heard the previous screenings didn't show any boobs, but then the screening that I was in started showing boobies because of sheer will. And then ever since then, there have been boobies.

Honestly, EW is going down the old toilet. Their list of the best directors was some of the worst stuff I've seen. Then there's this.