Bye, Y'all

So in a wee bit I'll be seeing The Strangers - excited! - and then tomorrow morning I am off for some R&R (rollercoasters and rum!) until next Saturday. I will have my computer with me but I think we'd all stand to win the bet we placed on me not posting until next Monday. I know... :(

I do have something for you all to contemplate in my absence, though! This picture of a dead Eli Roth on the toilet from Southland Tales:


So get with the contemplatin'. Cockchuggers 2: Cockchuggin'! Peace out.
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Hugh Jackman, Tease Extraordinaire

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Is he for real? Good grief. JJ's got a big gallery of Mr. Jackman and some dude I'm assuming they'll call "his trainer" off running around on the beach this morning having a [fill in the blank] ol' time.


Click 'em to embiggen. JJ has a load more.

Ya know, today's the first day of my vacation - I won't be posting this week, by the way! - and suddenly all the fun I have ahead of me feels pale in comparison to these pictures. Thanks, Hugh.
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Gratuitous Scott Speedman

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Who else? You thought I'd give a crap about Jason Lewis in Sex & The City or maybe some more love to my beloved Hugh Dancy in Savage Grace? Hell to the no, it's all about Scott Speedman and Liv Tyler getting their spooky-groove on in The Strangers this weekend. (Plus, the boyfriend has loved Mr. Speedman since way back in "the day" (read: Felicity) and maybe if I post lots of pictures of SS the boyfriend will always love me. Honey? Hello? Sigh.) Ahem. So, uh, here! Enjoy some Speedman!

That last shot there is as close Speedman and co-star Jimmy Marsden get to locking lips or anything intimate in the flick The 24th Day, which is a damned shame. You're gonna describe a movie's premise to me as being about a one-night-stand gone terribly wrong between those two actors and then that above is all we get? Shame, movie-makers. Shame.

Anyway, I've previously given Mr. Speedman a lil' visual lovin; check it here.
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That Face!

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I was trying to figure out who Eddie Redmayne, the actor who plays Julianne Moore's loving son in this weekend's Savage Grace, reminded me of, and I think I've figured it out. Witness:

No? The Cillian Murphy part was easy, but there's something about him that definitely brings Kip Pardue to mind. Maybe the nose? I don't know.

Wow I'm devoting way too much thought to this. What's that? It's an election year? I can't hear you, I'm lost in thought of celebrity noses. I am doomed.
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I Miss Maya Rudolph

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"I'm gettin' a little too old for that whorey look."

Alright, I think you know where I stand on the concept of a sequel to Donnie Darko. But hear me out: might it be a terrifically ridiculous piece of crap worth hooting and hollering in humor at? The casting of one Elizabeth "Nomi Malone" Berkley gives me - probably false - hope. Via DH, a descritpion of Berkley's character in S. Darko:

"Berkley is playing a speed freak-turned-Jesus freak whose sentiments about ridding the world of its exponential sin are rivaled only by her infatuation with her dreamy pastor."

If she rids the world of sin through holy-rolling lap-dances and press-on nails flaked with potato chips, I am so there.
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I Am Link

--- Laugh Riot - The Coens' next flick, Burn After Reading, has a red-band trailer! I'm so distracted by Brad Pitt's highlights.

--- I Can't Keep Up - Takashi Miike makes so many movies, and so few of them make their way here to the US, I've pretty much given up on trying to seek them out. It's a Sisyphean feat, I says. Twitch has a trailer for his latest, called God's Puzzle, which is according to them his most "mainstream" film, which I take to mean no one has their tongue sawed off or gives birth to a fully-formed adult.

--- Make Way For Maddy - StinkyLulu hosted a day of appreciation for the lovely Madeliene Kahn yesterday; I wish I were more familiar with Kahn's work - she was of course ever-present in my childhood, showing up in Mel Brooks' films and alongside Muppets alike, but it's been a good long while since I've revisited any of that, so I feel iffy on my memories of her. But head on over to check out all the Kahn-love, and I'll get to stocking my queue.

--- Drop Your W's - The third installment of Stacie "Final Girl" Ponder's series of short films is up at AfterEllen; this one stars Guinevere Turner, who you may remember as one of Patrick Bateman's lady victims...
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The Best Part Of Last Night's Two-Hour Season Finale Of Lost (That Couldn't Be Considered Too Spoilery For Those Of You Not Caught Up Yet)?

Do it, Jack! Do it!

Following this moment, the boyfriend turned to me and said, "That's the closest to any man-on-man action we're ever going to get on this show," and I had to agree. This morning, however, I did have a brief flashback to Mr. Smiley's off-island kissing-mate (possibly paid for)... which is something I really would have rather stayed buried. So we'll amend the boyfriend's statement to read, "That's the closest to any DESIRABLE man-on-man action that we're ever going to get on this show."

What did y'all think of the episode? I'm off now through the looking-glass, i.e to read Doc Jensen's take at EW.com on it, which will inevitably spin my eyeballs around and make steam fly out my ears...
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Pics of the Day

I might've severely disliked Evil Dead: The Musical, but these posters, I must admit, are pretty darn delightful. (via io9)


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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... Adam Levine's cell-mate.
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It Was Juliet In The Conservatory With The Candlestick!

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Ya know, I thought I was excited for tonight's two-hour season finale of Lost. But then I went deep into the lion's den of Lost geekery - that being Doc Jensen's weekly pre-episode look to the night's episode ahead over at EW.com, and I find out that apparently a common theme for viewing tonight's episode amongst fans is to have a costume party and play "Lost Bingo" and... I just ain't cutting it.

Oh well. You can't win 'em all. If by "win" I mean "be the biggest geek on Earth." And I usually do equate the two.

Still, two hours of what promises to be some crazy ass-kicking, theory-humping Lost goodness tonight. Y'all psyched? And be honest: who's in the middle of cutting up your felt Sayid tank-top costume as I write this? Admit it!
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McAvoy To Get His Baggins On?

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The rumormongering has been going at it for weeks (months... years, really) as to whom might be cast as the young Bilbo Baggins in the film version of The Hobbit. Del Toro and Jackson both have said that we won't hear anything until next year, but I found the following baseless rumor better than some of the others. Via DH:

"The Daily Express reports that Scottish hunk and acclaimed 29-year-old thespian James McAvoy ("Atonement," "The Last King of Scotland") is the favourite to play the lead role of Bilbo Baggins in Guillermo del Toro's "The Hobbit".

According to the dubious British tabloid, "A number of names have been doing the rounds, including Daniel Radcliffe and Jack Black, but James (McAvoy) is the one the film's bosses really want. They're expected to have talks soon so hopefully it could be confirmed in the not too distant future."

I know that when it comes to Mr. McAvoy I'm supposed to take on my patented schoolmarmish scowl and say something about how everyone else seems to love him but I haven't been able to go there yet, not for a lack of trying - those bulbous eyes do haunt me - but here I will say I think McAvoy is a terrific choice. And this would put him in the running to be our generation's Christopher Lee or something, his having already partaken in that other fantasy stalwart, The Chronicles of Narnia series, as the creepily sorta sexy Mr. Tumnus.


Other names being bandied about, according to DH, are Daniel Radcliffe (perhaps) and Jack Black (dear god NO)... anybody got any suggestions of their own? Who would you cast?

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"It's A Cylon Trick!"

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Does anybody else chuckle when they use that brief clip of President Roslin in the commericals? The way she snarls "Cylon trick!" Hee. I do, every damned time.

Anyway.... psst... anybody ELSE seen this week's episode of Battlestar Galactica yet? I mean the one that airs on SciFi this upcoming Friday, tomorrow, May 30th? It's titled "Sine Qua Non" and I'm not alone in having already been fortunate enough to view it...

Anyhoo, I'll not spoil it for those of y'all who have not seen it yet... you know, by telling you all about the scene where President Roslin sheds her human skin and shoots laser beams out of her eyes or the scene where Helo and Apollo get thrown into the brig in nothing but towels... No, never.

If somebody else has seen it though,
tell me your thoughts in the comments...
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Quote of the Day

Scott Speedman, apparently still hopped up on goof-balls, spoke to BD about the similarities between Michael Haneke's Funny Games (I assume they're talking about this year's remake here) and his film coming out this weekend, The Strangers, both of which feature a well-to-do couple (plus a kid in FG) terrorized by mysterious strangers in an isolated location. Said Speedman:

"I thought Funny Games was hilarious, it’s a satire more than a horror movie. Its hilarious, I was rooting for the people to get killed. You can certainly make a comparison to The Strangers, but really its just plot, and that’s where the similarity ends."

Well okay, I wouldn't exactly take Speedman's "hilarious" stance towards Funny Games, but I get where he's coming from. It is meant as a deconstruction of on-screen violence more than a straight-faced horror film. What somebody needs to ask about is the similarities to the French film Ils (Them), which I see as much more similar in tone and intent (I say not having even seen The Strangers yet; just judging by the trailer).

Anyway, you go with your bugged-out self, Scott.
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Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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Groundhog Day (1993)

These are the four examples of Phil Connors' multiple deaths that we are shown; in the following scene, wherein he describes to Rita how it's probable he's achieved demi-god status, he also lists having been "stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, ... and burned." That's at least ten deaths altogether. [Count voice] Ten Desperate Suicide Attempts, wah-ah-ah! [/Count voice]

Phil's (Phil? Like the groundhog Phil? Ha!) suicide-apalooza sequence always fascinates me though. He mentions that every time he offs himself he just wakes up again the next morning and it's Groundhog Day again... but is that transition instantaneous? We know it isn't an instantaneous jump for the other characters in the film because we see Rita and Larry identifying his corpse - where is Phil consciousness at that moment? Has it already skipped along to the next alternate reality timeline, and in this identifying-corpse moment we're getting a brief glimpse of what's been left behind - a scattered shower of abandoned realities, each plowing forward into their own different futures while the film we're following just keep skipping to the front? It's a tangle of metaphysical conundrums left in its wake, that's for certain.

Also, Bill Murray is talking to a groundhog! That's silly!

Another little-known fact about this film: This movie is the only documented record in all of recorded history in which Andie MacDowell possesses anything resembling charm or acting ability. Crazy but true.

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Previous Ways Not To Die: Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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Scott Speedman: Whacked Out On Goof-Balls

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These photos are from Cannes last week, and it's obvious that another celebrity has succumbed to the dangerous allure of the goof-ball. Just say no to goof-balls, kids!

Seriously - not that I mind, but why's he cradling his bosoms in that right-hand picture? If you're going to go there, Scott, go all the way and put 'em on the glass.

In related news, The Strangers is out this Friday. See the inspiration for my random "pictures of Scott Speedman" internet-scouring, which led to this random post you're reading right this second, over at AMC where Final Girl's Stacie Ponder ponders the many faces of scary fake-faces.
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It's Dancy-Time!

Is there any way that I'll be able to sidestep the fact - and it's a fact; it was carved into granite eons ago - that about 85% of my interest in Savage Grace (which is finally out this weekend here in NYC) stems from a purely prurient interest in watching pretty pretty Hugh Dancy flit about with some sexy facial hair in period costumes and romance both Julianne Moore and her son... at the same time? I know, I know, that's dirty. I should feel ashamed. But I don't care! It's like the end of Chinatown - including the incest bit - only instead of saying "Forget it, Jake; it's Chinatown" this movie's saying "Forget it, JA; it's Dancy." Just like that! Logic go bye bye. It's Dancy, man.

(most pics via here)

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