Monday, August 02, 2021

5 Off My Head: Cinematic Spooge


Inspired by the medieval money shot that graces a more poetical (not to mention horny) moment in David Lowery's gorgeous new Arthurian epic The Green Knight, now in theaters (I reviewed it here) -- a scene which has already spurred on some superior semen contemplation around ye internet across the course the past week (see here for my favorite example) -- well I gots cum on my mind! And you know what happens when that happens...

It does indeed burn, Miss Coco Peru. And so it's best to do something about it fast, before the burning becomes an itching and the itching becomes a rash and the rash needs a cream and isn't that what got us into this sticky situation in the first place? And so I decided to do what I do best, which is slap together a list of the first five cum scenes from mainstream movies that popped (off) into my head. 

And yes "mainstream" means I'm refraining from the legitimately pornographic ones, so my apologies to Karl Glusman's 3D Love geyser for Gaspar Noé or the self-suck sensation at the start of John Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus (and yes those links are NSFW so don't yell at me if you clicked them in front of your boss like a dummy!!). With no further ado let's edge this list right on over to completion...

5 Fave Slick Flick Spunk Shots

Call Me By Your Name -- The Peach Scene

Oh you knew I'd have to include this one. And oh you knew it was the first one I thought of. And no, this is not me giving y'all an opportunity to screech about how the peach should have been completely eaten like it was in the book, I so do not care. 

The Silence of the Lambs -- Multiple Miggs 

Listen I didn't say they would all be sexy-time fun and games. The name of the game is I name the first five that I think of, not my favorites, and it's hard -- excuse me, difficult -- to block this horrific moment from this scary movie from one's mind once it's wedged its way in there. The thing is I don't think I even knew what happened the first time I saw this movie? In related news I was definitely too young to see this movie the first time I saw this movie. It was some time later when I was in film school and we were studying Demme's perfect construction of this scene -- of Clarice Starling's descent into this basement hell -- that I got what we were seeing happen to her.

There's Something About Mary -- Hair Gel

Even here almost 25 years on this still remains probably the most famous jizz moment in the movies, right? I know at the least that it's got to be the first time that man-spunk registered onscreen for me as what it was, and as a thing I had most certainly never seen represented on-screen before. (When I was a kid we didn't have porn access, kiddos! Imagine that!) 

But this definitely raises the question -- what was the first time that semen was sprayed across the screen in a mainstream non-pornographic piece of entertainment? Or just shown? What's the earliest example of spermatozoid representation y'all can think of?  

The Square -- Claes' Condom Caper

I was surprised that this scene popped up in my brain so quickly, as I haven't seen Ruben Östlund's terrific arthouse smash The Square since it came out in 2017 -- and holy shit is it possible that movie's very nearly five already? Anyway I probably just wanted to think about Claes Bang's bang-bag a bit, knowing me. But this scene really is so wildly well-played and funny -- as much praise as she gets for suffering well on The Handmaids Tale Elisabeth Moss always delivers a full comedy load too. You can watch the entire scene here.  

And finally.......

Look Who's Talking -- The Opening Credits

Classic cum comedy for the whole family!

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So what are some of your favorite big screen load blows?

15 comments:

Shawny said...

Happiness has a "shot" at the end. It hits a metal railing and drips. Sex and the City, some hits Miranda's hair as they watch a demonstration in some weird class. I can't remember any others. I'm sure there's a monster movie out there where we got squirted but didn't necessarily make the connection. Cum is a very underutilized item in the anals of cinema.

Anonymous said...

In "Y Tu Mama Tambien" where they're at the country club, jacking off on the diving boards, and it cuts to an underwater shot....I saw this in a packed theater and people SCREAMED. I laughed so hard I almost fell on the floor.

Shawny said...

And btw, my husband often use the "it buuuuurns" quote. Can't remember what movie that was.

Jason Adams said...

Shawny -- I had HAPPINESS on my short list but since I just posted about that movie earlier I decided to go with The Square instead. It's got two cumshots -- the one at the end with the kid (which is the one you're thinking of), and then the time Philip Seymour Hoffman shoots a load on his wall and sticks a postcard in its place, lol.

Anon -- good one! God that movie's sexy

Anonymous said...

@ Shawny - Trick!

Shawny said...

I just got to your happiness post. Haha, you are right. I now remember the 3M stickyness when PSH decorates the wall.

Anonymous said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azM54uGeLY4

SveN said...

I remember a very funny British comedy (Orphans by Peter Mullan? Or another one from around that period) in which a burglar catches a man masturbating and gets cum in the face. Hilarious and surprising.

ignacio said...

Disappointed by the absence of "Antichrist"'s bloody ejaculation!

Anonymous said...

Andrea Caracortada, from Almodovar's Kika says Hola

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Love this post!
I'm going to go hunting all these movies!

XOXO

ferretrick said...

It also took years before I figured out the Miggs scene in SOTL. But I'm dense that way. I also didn't understand Regan was actually masturbating with the crucifix in the Exorcist until I read Stephen King discussing it in Danse Macabre.

Rosa Moline said...

Toni Erdmann. Stranger By the Lake.

Rob91316 said...

Vincent Gallo in "Trouble Every Day."

p said...

Anna Faris vs that cum geiser from the first Scary Movie! Not my favorite, but a classic indeed