Tuesday, October 27, 2020

13 Rats of Halloween #9

My pal Stacie Ponder of Final Girl fame has branded this "The Rumpelstiltskin Effect" (actually she maybe hasn't used those exact words, but I am) -- where you keep going back to a movie you know is awful because some deranged lever snaps inside your brain and whispers to you that hey, you, maybe it's not so awful. For Stacie that movie is the 1995 Leprechaun rip-off Rumpelstiltskin -- and if you're already ripping off a rip-off like Leprechaun then you know you're in trouble. But for me, at this exact moment, that movie is the 2018 video-game adaptation Rampage. Oh my god it's bad! I know it's bad! But Marley Shelton fights a gigantic mutant rat in outer space! 

How can I not be suckered in by that time and time again? Am I not human? Do I not bleed? Speaking of you know who else bleeds? Gigantic mutant rats in outer space, that's who!

And looking back at my previous post on this movie I see so much else to love. Joe Manganiello eaten by a giant wolf? Okay! Malin "Baby Girl" Akerman eaten by a gorilla? Sure! That gorilla then flipping the bird? Why not? Is Rampage actually perfect? Who am I to say it's not perfect? I'm nobody, that's who -- there is no Jason, only Rampage now.

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