Remember when families were torn apart and love affairs ruined during the great "Volcano versus Dante's Peak" civil wars of 1997? Twas brother against brother, my friends -- I still bear the scars from when I drowned my own father in our bathtub after he slighted Anne Heche's box-office staying power. Well it seems that madness is re-descending, only this time instead of dueling lava bombs it's furry-chested musical composers with a taste for same-sex strange that're coming to movie-screen fisticuffs - nine days after Jake Gyllenhaal announced plans to make a Leonard Bernstein bio-pic with director Cary Fukunaga we've gotten word that Bradley Cooper wants to write and direct his own!
Sanctus! Dominus! Prepare the bunkers,
homosexuals, the end is nigh!!!