Fass Assin's Creed

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I can't believe I'd only seen a cropped version of the above picture before now. It loses a ton of impact if you can't see which way Fassy is dressing in those sweatpants. Anyway true story: I watched Assassin's Creed (which is hitting bluray in a couple of weeks) while deathly ill at home yesterday, and I can't remember a damn thing about it. Did I dream the whole thing? It was a weird-ass dream, if so. I think everybody was fighting over an apple? And Charlotte Rampling was there? I don't even know. I'd totally forgotten I'd even watched it until I saw they'd just released an "alternate ending" for the film and I was all, "I have absolutely no idea how it ended anyway, and I literally watched it less than 24 hours ago." So that's my review! Assassin's Creed happened, or maybe didn't at all! Put that on your poster and smoke it. Here's that alternate ending:

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