Thursday, November 12, 2015

The Man From UNCLE in 250 Words or Less

Henry Cavill does a great American accent. Henry Cavill looks stunning in mid-60s clothes. Henry Cavill can walk, and Henry Cavill can talk. But can he do both at the same time? Can he project anything beyond treble-voiced beauty, and even that half-heartedly? I haven't a fancy. He never seems like he wants to be there on that movie screen anymore - you feel as if he's doing this acting thing just so he can afford the finest in hoodies and pints at home, where he'd always rather be. The Man From UNCLE is a movie crying out for looseness and charisma and jazz hands and Henry Cavill always looks like his silky underpants have ridden up his something-or-other. 

Armie Hammer fares better - his accent is broader and he's got a loose-limbed bounciness that he can't shake even if he tries. But neither let's be honest are exactly Movie Stars save in the most literal sense that they are people who indeed star in movies - there's no pop, no pizzazz, no whizz-bang whoopdeedoo to 'em. They don't float. And so The Man From UNCLE sinks like a stone... save whenever Elizabeth Debicki swans by in designer living, skin by Gucci, face by Prada, attitude by Karl Lagerfeld no less. Now there's some razzmatazz, some pop, some sweet sugar baby. Make the sequel a prequel and call it The Woman From UNCLE and give the people what they really want, Guy Ritchie.


sowhatelse said...

Agree 100%. What a wasted opportunity this movie was! Any goodwill it might have earned by using good-looking people and beautiful locations was squandered by the director's inability to get decent performances from his cast and the very perfunctory production design.

And a very minor quibble, but telling. Cavill is at one point shown wearing brown shoes with a blue suit. No debonair dresser in the '60s would have shown himself wearing such an outfit. That's strictly a 21st century combination.

Anonymous said...

Who the fuck cares, did you see Henry's ass? You don't need personality or charisma with an ass like that.