Imagine yourself the final girl. Only you're not the fortunate final girl of an old-fashioned classic slasher from the Eighties - oh no. You don't just have to suffer horribly for awhile and have all of your friends die before you survive (at least until the sequel). No you're in a post-modern smart-ass slasher movie that's poo-poohing the rules for chaos, total chaos! So screw that virgin nonsense - there are three handsome fellows there beside you and who knows what'll happen now - they might fit the stereotypes for a bit but it's anybody's game up in this movie. There is the athlete...
... and there is the scholar...
... and there is the fool...
Now what do you do? One of them you'll throw in between you and the killer when the time is right (dump), one of them you'll sneak off to the woods for a quick lay in the dirt (do), and one of them you'll make a go of it with, hand in hand right up to the final big bad. Which is which? Hit the comments!
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6 comments:
Do Chris Hemsworth, dump Fran Krantz, and marry Jesse Williams.
I'm probably going to go completely against the grain on this one, but such is my life. Dump Hemsworth, do Jesse Williams and marry Fran Krantz so we can have nerdy children together.
Do Hemsworth, marry Kranz, dump Williams.
Chris Hemsworth and I will sneak off into the woods when we first arrive to look for the haunted river boat the old coot at the gas station down the road warned us about, but I will throw him in front of the the killer's rusty scythe when we disturb his watery tomb.
Overwhelmed with grief and guilt, I will seek solace with Franz Krantz. He will smoke me out, which I don't ordinarily go in for, but I'm at a vulnerable moment. We laugh and cry and have a moment and we spend the night together. He will unfortunately meet the end of a rusty scythe in the sequel, but we will always have that night.
And after two more movies of on-again, off-again sexual tension and watching him undress through one-way mirrors, Jesse Williams and I will be wed in the third film unfortunately scripted by Ehren Kruger.
Do Chris Hemsworth, marry Fran Kranz, sorrowfully dump Jesse Williams.
do the scholar (wisdom derived from revenge of the nerds), marry the jock, dump the joker
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