Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Do Dump or Marry - Triple the Super Studs


I don't know how it only hit me today that there are precisely three super lads getting their own individual movies this Summer (perhaps the gang-bang of X-Men clouded my eyes), but there are. There are the two Chrisses of Marvel Entertainment: Chris Evans has his Captain America: The First Avenger, and Chris Hemsworth has his Thor. And then there's Ryan Reynolds at the DC end of the comic book dial in Green Lantern. And around here three's a magical number. No, not that.
Ménage à pecs

Although by all means, go ahead and visualize that. I know I will be. I'll be visualizing that until I go blind and my hands are burned down to useless little nubs. But no, I speak of this! A Do Dump or Marry post. In which we are forced to choose one super-stud with which to flex our matrimonial muscle, one to spend just a single evening flexing, you know, other muscles, and then one poor sucker that we crush up into a fine dust and blow off into oblivion. 

So make your choices, and share in the comments!
The boys are waiting.



Joe Reid said...

I can't believe you are forcing me to make this choice. Particularly because there's pretty much no way I'm not choosing to DO Chris Hemsworth. But who of the other two could I possibly dump??

Okay, real talk: that EW cover where Ryan Reynolds looked like he'd been sandblasted past the point of human recognition has really made me turn a corner on him. So...

DUMP Ryan Reynolds

Of course in that case, I'ma DO Chris Evans, because I think marrying him might get to be a bit much (plus all the intrigue of his gay brother? too much dramz)

Leaving me to MARRY Chris Hemsworth. And ride his star as it's on the rise. Ride it, I say! (Plus all the intrigue of turning his straight brother gay? Just enough dramz.)

It's possible I overthink these.

Jason Adams said...

Ha no I love it. This is to be taken very seriously! It's serious business! That said, I'd marry Chris Evans, because I DO! I DO CHRIS, DO YOU HEAR ME? I DO. Ahem. And I would do Chris Hemsworth, because he and Ryan have approximately the same level of astonishingly perfect bodies but Hemsworth is an inch taller. Plus he hasn't spray-tanned himself into whatever that color Ryan is now. And somehow I'm forced into dumping Ryan Reynolds, which I suppose I can console myself with thoughts of how Scarlett will totally hang out with me now and we can have cocktails and laugh at poor sad Ryan, who's off all alone doing crunches while texting Alanis, and then I can go home and have a week's worth of sex with my hubby Chris Evans. Yes.


Tough choices!

DO - Chris Evans. He's pretty, but I get the impression that he would be douchey.

DUMP - I think Chris Hemsworth is a little weird looking when he's made up to look like Thor. Otherwise, he's a little too pretty. Anyway, his brother Liam is way sexier.

MARRY - Ryan Reynolds. Although he has a strangely long torso, he wins on looks and also his sense of humor. Or humour, in his case.

Dave said...

MARRY - I'm putting this first despite it being the third listed because there are only about three men who would ever stop me from marrying Ryan Reynolds. And these men aren't them.

DO - Chris Evans. Although I'm slightly off him lately thanks to the Captain America trailer - before he looks fucking creepy, and after his breasts are just a cup-size too large, but I know he's still fiiine in reality. And you KNOW he's a fireball in bed, to borrow an expression from Phoebe Buffay.

DUMP - Bye Hemsworth! I don't like the long hair anyway.

DuchessKitty said...

JA and Joe, I am shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, at the dumping of my Ry Ry.

Do: Chris Evans. And I want him to bring his Captain America swag with him so we can role-play.

Marry: Ryan Reynolds. Forever and always the answer unless Hugh Jackman is in the equation. I don't care how much bad bronzer or inappropriate shaving happens; those are trivial things that I can make him fix.

Dump: Chris Hemsworth. I don't know enough about this young man except for the Thor trailers. He's almost dare I say it, too beefy?

John T said...

For a while there I was wondering if we were marrying the characters or the guys themselves, but for me that answer is likely the same.

Marry-Chris Hemsworth. What an impressive piece of man he is. Plus, he plays a God, which could come in handy.

Do-Chris Evans (but if I only get him for one night you can bet I'll be taking about 6 5-hour energy drinks, as I will not be missing a moment of those lips and hips.

Dump-Ryan Reynolds, who has always been too "pretty" for me, and while I would certainly say yes if he offered, he's not the type that I pursue in my entertainment.

plazaboy said...

Oh puh..leaze. This is so easy. Do Chris Evans, dump chris Hemsworth, and totally marry Ryan Reynolds.

homeslaughter said...

It good to have the validation of the majority. Do Evans though I'd be thinking of him in Sunshine.
Dump Hemsworth. He's a long haired M.U.S.C.L.E action figure.
Ryan is the the one to marry.

Unknown said...

DO: Chris H
Dump: Chris E (he's the shortest, so that's my reasoning. In actuality, I'd tear of my panties for him before you could say "Captain America"
Marry: Ryan. Because he genuinely seems sweet and it if he was good enough for Scarlett (at least for a while), he's good enough for me.

Prospero said...

Do Evans, Dump Hemsworth, Marry Reynolds. That was hard...

Scot said...

Do Ryan Reynolds, because he's got a body thay looks like he'd be loads of fun, but cover up that monkey-boy face of his. Dump Hwmsworth because EVERY time he and his ittle brother get into ANOTHER bar fight they show what homophobic douchebags they are. And marry Chris Evans because I've got a thing for beautiful eyes and DAMN he's fine in everway way.

Anonymous said...

Dump Hemsworth, do Ryan, marry Chris Evans. Yumyumyum

Anonymous said...

Dump Ryan Reynolds! He's great to look at... but that's it.

Do Chris Hemsworth. He's beefy enough for a hot one night stand. Okay... seven nights stand.

Marry Chris Evans! He's been there for me this whole time... in my wet dreams, that is.

Drew said...

Definitely going with the majority here:

DO Chris Evans. He was so pretty as the Human Torch that not only did it get me through both of the god-awful Fantastic Four movies, Marvel gave him a new character when his old one died...I mean, dudes got staying power ;)

DUMP Hemsworth. Hes pretty and all, but facial hair is a no and I havent really liked anything hes been in all that much.

MARRY Ryan Reynolds. Because dear god that man is gorgeous! Its a crime against humanity that they CGI'd the suit onto him! A crime against humanity, damn it! I DEMAND SPANDEX!!
Anyway, as someone else mentioned, he also just seems really genuinely nice and funny. And despite the orangeness, I liked the shaved thing :D

Kevin said...

Chris Hemsworth - DO

Ryan Reynolds - DUMP

Chris Evans - MARRY - but only if he stops shaving his hairy chest. yum.

Glenn said...

Do Chris Hemsworth because he's Australian and we're good in the sack.

Dump Ryan Reynolds because... I dunno, he seems like he'd check his reflection too much?

Marry Chris Evans, but only if he agrees to never shave that beautiful chest hair!)

shawnp said...

Joe Reid said it best.

Gary said...

I'm gonna have to go w the adorable Chris Evans. He holds a special place in my heart. I had the honor of styling him for a photo shoot several years back.

Sam79 said...

Do: One steamy night with a mysterious god sounds good to me.

Dump: Chris Evans. Maybe he was just too good in the human Torch role to convince me his ego isn't as well looked after as his body...

Marry: Ryan Reynolds. Great husband material in a chisselled 70's kinda way...

par3182 said...

do - chris hemsworth - as long as he keeps his pecs super inflated, otherwise swap him with -

dump - ryan reynolds (as long as i don't have to waste time talking to either of 'em)

marry - chris evans - this one is non-negotiable. dream, meet boat