I Think He Might Be Serious!

Over at his blog today producer Brad Fuller - who over the past decade has lovingly crafted a nightmare landscape of shitty horror remakes that've killed a part of my very being - took a moment to clear up some mean ol' rumors. Yes they are re-shooting a lil' bit of the Nightmare on Elm Street remake, he says. They've had to do this with all of their previous piece-of-shit movies, so we... shouldn't worry, I guess?

And then he moves along to the second Friday the 13th film, which recently saw its green-light sour. What's going on with that?

"Let's talk Friday 13th. We have busted our ass to get that movie going! The script is great - dare I say, better than the first. Shannon and Swift have outdone themselves."

No! Dare you say? Better than that offensive piece of dung cinematic masterpiece you threw in our faces earlier this year? No way! I won't believe it! I mean, they'd have had to get words (words? is that the words I mean?) in the right order for the script to make any more sense than your previous tour de force. I mean is that even possible? I mean, if he's serious, fuck The Godfather sequel, we've got a new Greatest Parts 1 and 2 on our hands here! Time and space might rend itself apart once it beholds this sucker.

Also, barf.

Okay, so listen: nobody's gonna argue that the Friday the 13th films have ever really been about something as silly as "a script." Oh the first two are super, in their way, and the rest of the series has its highs and it's lows and it's myriad silly pleasures that I have gotten a kick outta my whole live long life. But Platinum Dunes' version... it just didn't really get jackshit right. The tone was completely wrong. The setting was completely wrong. Oh sure, a quick nod to the campground, then we're suddenly in a mine-shaft and Jason takes prisoners? Fuck you, Platinum Dunes. So forgive me if I don't wanna give them any benefit of the doubt here. They've proven exactly one thing, and that's that they have no fucking idea what a Friday the 13th movie is supposed to be about.

Also, I am a nerd.
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