I Am Link

Goodness gracious I wasn't expecting so much worthwile news first thing in the morning today. It's just a stinky ol' Thursday! Anyway, here's a round-up of Things I Say Matter. Do as I say not as I link! Or... huh? Yeah. Anyway...

--- Show Me Your Finger, Bitch - Like the rest of the horror-geek online-community I am going to take this opportunity to say that the idea of a Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters movie, where the crumb-dropping duo have grown up and gotten their Salem on, gives me a total boner. So good job, Dead Snow dude!

--- Movie Master - Zhang Yimou, one of the greatest (and controversially propogandiest!) filmmakers on the planet, has announced his next film - called Amazing Tales - Three Guns, it'll be two stories in one, the first being a suspense thriller and the second being a comedy. Zhang hasn't made a movie since Curse of the Golden Flower in 2006; in between then and now he was busy wowing us with China's Olympic spectacle ceremonies. Yay Communism!

--- Pattycake Part Two - I was all excited to see Robert Zemeckis mention the possibility of a Roger Rabbit sequel maybe finally coming true after years upon years upon years of such talk going nowhere, but then he made it sound like he wants Roger to look like the dead-eyed freaks in his Polar Express movie and I suddenly never want this to happen EVER.

--- Hear The Horror - I still ain't seen Marytrs even after bitching about that fact earlier this week so I can't tell you if this is worth downloading or not, but since a few of you have seen and appreciated the film already I figured I'd point you over to Twitch where they're linking to a free download of the flick's soundtrack.

--- The Lone Geek - I loooove the fact that Buffy's Danny Strong, aka uber-nerd Jonathan, has become a super successful screenwriter. Yay! DH has word on his next job, a biopic of that White House butler dude that was at Obama's inauguration. That is the sorta biopic I like to hear about. That guy lived a fucking life, ya know?

--- A Pair Of Fine Years - Nostalgia is all the rage, y'all! Miss Stacie Ponder is taking a look back at the horror-flicks of 1985 (and admits to never having seen The Stuff... Stacie, if you don't correct that fact I just have to let you know that am going to sneak into your house and fix it myself...), while Cinematical is looking at a very very important Summer of movies to me - 1993 - and lays out a beautiful encapsulation of why Jurassic Park felt so cinematically earth-shaking to my generation. Should I mention again that I saw it 15 times in the theater?

--- Tell Everybody - Miramax is going to remake the very solid French thriller Tell No One. I got all angry about this fact on first sight and then remembered that I don't immediately have to turn apoplectic when I see the word "Miramax" because the Weinstein Bros. have nothing to do with that company anymore, yay. So if they're gonna remake it, can I make one request? Lop off those last thirty seconds or so, please! They drove me mad. Also, cast somebody good for the role of that evil chick who knows pressure points. She's very important.

--- And finally, my favorite quote-machine cum movie director Eli Roth chatted up MTV the other day about his Nazi-propaganda-film-within-a-film for Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds, and he says he basically offended himself this go-around. (thx Mac for the heads-up)

"God, I didn’t think I could be more offensive after ‘Hostel 2,’ but how can I upset people more than that?’” Remembering his direction techniques, Roth laughed. “I was going, ‘More swastikas! More swastikas!"

But as ironically over-the-top as the whole experience may have been, Roth has been wondering lately if he did too good a job on the mini-movie. “The first time we showed it to an audience [the actors] were in character, but the Germans were screaming ‘Heil Hitler!’ and ‘Kill the Jews!’ and it was terrifying,” he remembered. “We watched it over and over, and we were all friends and joking around by the end of it. But there was still something very powerful about that. I looked at Quentin and said, ‘What have I done?’”

“I’m going to, like, resurrect the Nazi party,” Roth explained. “They are going to make me their Sarah Palin. They will be like, ‘We love his movie. But he’s a Jew! But it’s such a good movie. But a Jew made it!”

“It’s going to really throw off all the neo-Nazi’s,” he grinned. “I can’t wait.”

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