Thursday, December 11, 2008

Thursday's Ways Not To Die


I rearranged this sequence a little bit to try and make it a bit clearer to the layman (you know, those weirdos who haven't doodled every kill in the Final Destination series from memory onto pieces of paper which are then kissed delicately and stuffed into a hope chest). The coke-head's premonition actually comes in the middle of this sequence, but it made more sense for my purposes to shove it to the start and not cut up the flow. As I said the last time I tried to do a death scene from FD2, these deaths can be so cumbersomely complicated when trying to get across the gist as simply as possible that it keeps me from doing these movies as much as I'd want to. This death is relatively straight-forward compared to most, though - instead of fifty Rube Goldbergi-an traps falling into place all we've got is a busted elevator and a woman's ponytail ensnared in a box of artificial limbs. (I love that sentence.)

I also love that last shot so very much, starting with the close-up on the dude rightly freaking out in the elevator to slide back and back until we see poor lady's head on the floor. Good times were had by all!

I also also love the fact that the woman basically dooms herself by freaking the fuck out in that tiny enclosed space when the crazy man with hooks, while indeed a hair-sniffing weirdo, wasn't trying to hurt her at all. Well, she dooms herself some but Officer Goodbody on the other end of the phone doesn't much help matters, with his oh-so-calming message of "A MAN WITH HOOKS IS GOING TO KILL YOU!" Nice work, Captain Doofus.

Good gracious, I just love this movie.

Previous Ways Not To Die: A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head

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