Thursday, September 18, 2008

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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And now for three semi-random thoughts regarding Raising Arizona.

1- The Lone Horseman of the Apocalypse, Leonard Smalls, getting good and blowed up there, he was played by Randall "Tex" Cobb, a former professional boxer. And for some reason this death scene is imprinted on my brain. I haven't actually sat down and watched Raising Arizona from start to finish in a good ten years, but I always think of this scene when I think of the movie. I think it's that weird mid-struggle Woody Woodpecker tattoo reveal... weird. Yet also appropriate.

2- Did you know that Holly Hunter and Frances McDormand were roommates back in the 80s?


Actually, it wasn't just them - Joel and Ethan Coen and Sam Raimi lived with them in the same house in the Bronx. Oh to be a fly on that fuckin' wall, ya know? Raimi's conjuring up the Evil Deads in the living-room, the Coens are pumping out Blood Simple in the kitchen. Magic, that. Anyway, why hasn't Holly been in like, every single Coen Bros. movie? She should be in their repertoire. She's such a perfect fit into their wacky off-center world.

3- Remember those halcyon days when the name Nicolas Cage didn't make you want to chew off your own tongue to choke on it? I hesitate to even mention this because it makes me feel so very disgusting now, but there was even a moment where, dare I say it, he was sort of attractive. I mean, his face was always kinda jacked up, but he was offbeat hot:


Especially in Wild at Heart. Why did I find him so hot in that movie? Ugh, it grosses me out thinking about it now. Hot no more. Sure he's still in good shape, but I can make no excuses for that mess anymore. His movies are just abysmal, and that wig-to-capped-teeth ratio is outta control.

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Previous Ways Not To Die: Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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2 comments:

Ivan said...

What I love about this scene--and what elevates high above many other similar scenes in other movies--is that Hi McDonnough says, just before the grenade goes off, "I'm sorry." (And I am convinced he means it!)

JA said...

That "I'm sorry" is a really lovely touch, ivan; I totally agree.