The Greatest Movie...

... in which Mike Vogel (swoon) is, er, poked from behind

by what appears to be a giant demon phallus?

The Deaths of Ian Stone (2006)

Let's just get this outta the way at the start: This is not a good movie, and you shouldn't watch it. It does have a decent enough first thirty or so minutes, but then it just devolves into boring, schticky nonsense.

What it does have under the pluses column however is Mike Vogel in the lead, being all pretty and Vogelly, and often bound while shirtless and subsequently poked and prodded... which is not a bad thing at all. Until in that last act when they decide to cover him in some sort of demon get-up that makes him look like Fabio's rotten corpse.... hello, movie! I'd only kept watching you because Mike Vogel was so pretty!


Anyway, the movie is basically Dark City meets Groundhog Day meets The Matrix meets Britney Spears' video for "Oops I Did It Again." With Mike Vogel. Being suggestively stabbed with a demon... thing. I don't know. Whatever, movie. I watch too much crap.

Let's just keep our fingers crossed for Mr. Vogel that, post-Cloverfield, he'll get cast in something that's actually worth watching. Of course, looking at his next project, a movie called Open Graves that's co-stars Eliza Dushku and is described thusly -

"A group of surfers discover an old board game that claims a life every time it's played."

- isn't exactly giving me high hopes. I mean, it is in that he's playing a surfer (yay!) and therefore will presumably be oft wet and shirtless, but... surfers playing an evil boardgame? WTF?
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