5 Off The Top Of My Head - Oscar Predictions!

I've been basically 100% mum on awards season this year... not that I've often been all up in its business (except for The Year That Brokeback Swallowed Me Whole, of course), but I usually have something to say. The absence of the Ringling Globes Circus really did dampen my interest in awards even more than usual this year, it appears. That messy evening usually whets my appetite a bit for such things... and with it up in the air as to whether we'll even get an Oscar telecast this year I can't rummage up much concern either way. Not to mention that year after year of watching the things I admire most be shunned for push-up bras and Racism By Etch-A-Sketch grows wearisome.

All that is to say, here are five kind of off-center things I'd like to see happen tomorrow morning when the nominations are announced:

1- There Will Be Blood is nominated for nothing except for Daniel Day-Lewis for Best Actor.

I think it's pretty certain DDL's getting his nomination, so I'll not even pretend that's not going to happen. And it'll probably get a few other nominations here and there. But I hope it's shunned for Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Score, because it truly is the Best Picture made by the Best Director with the Best Score of the year, and winning or even being nominated for an Oscar will cling to it's future luster like explosive diarrhea. Leave my movie of the year alone, I say.

2 - Same goes for Javier Bardem. Even though he's won every single award so far, the Academy chooses to nominate James McAvoy for his stellar supporting work in Atonement, which speaking of...

3 - Atonement is nominated for 40 statues, including for several categories that don't even exist.

Just let it have what it wants so desperately already.

4 - Whomever is reading the noms throws up in their mouth a little bit when they say the name "Diablo Cody."

5 - The wall behind the stage is broken through Viking-style mid-announcements by Joe Eszterhas, who's carrying Gil Cates decapitated head in his fist. He screams "This is for the writers," and then immolates himself with gasoline on live television.