Lindsay Can Drink Today! And Today's Mood

Oh Lindsay. I'm still willing to wish you a happy 21st birthday, so that's something. You haven't completely defeated my like for you yet, even with the cooter-flashing and the Paris-accompanying and the set-misbehaving... come back to us, Lindsay of Mean Girls:

Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan),
Mean Girls

"Half the people in this room are mad at me,
and the other half only like me because
they think I pushed somebody in front a bus,
so that's not good. "

Not even half the people in the room like you anymore for any reasons, Linds. I used a picture up there where you weren't the total center of attention on purpose. You ain't anymore; or at least you and your acting ain't. You were so winning and adorable, with your red hair and your full frame and that sparkle since dulled by vodka and, ahem, heavier substances. Your sweet voice now resembles a fifty-seven year old truck stop waitress'. Put down the Marlboro Reds, girl. Now that you can officially get wasted on the (more legal) substances you appreciate I hope the illicit excitement passes and you, I dunno, find fun in a book! Or a script? Man I sound like an old person. I like a drink, or other substances ahem, once in awhile too, Linds, but it's called moderation and it comes with such wisdom as knowing when to abandon your jackal of a mother to the blow-heap of history and, I dunno, hang out with Tina Fey more! That's the ticket! Now be a good girl woman. We still, us few us brave, have some hope for you. Don't make us look like fools. Our wrath can be swift if provoked. And happy birthday!
.