Five Questions From Samurai Frog

I'm such a shit, I've had that five-question-meme from Electronic Cerebrectomy sitting in my inbox for a full week now and I haven't answered them even though I requested the pleasure of the interview... I plead birthday-insanity; seriously, I can not focus this week. My thoughts are like a fireworks factory exploding in a vacuum. See? That's what my brain is like; these are the metaphors coming to me. God. Anyway, on with the questions, (and a huge thanks to SF for the asking) ...

1. We’re just a year apart in age. What’s scariest for you about turning 30? I know it terrified me more than I thought it would.

For one, my chances of winning Wimbledon are dwindling with every passing year. Now I'll have to be one of those Inspirational Movies starring Mark Wahlberg where The Guy's Too Old and Nobody Has Any Faith In His Abilities until He Proves Them All Wrong and I don't wanna be That Guy. Seriously though, it seems to hit me every other birthday, not just this one, this sense of panic that I've accomplished nothing that I was supposed to have accomplished by whatever age it is I'm turning as if I've had some sort of time-line buried in my subconscious that I've refused to alert myself to until I am suddenly as far off schedule as could possibly be and my stomach turns into a pit of acid and I can't breathe. Thirty was an inevitable one, though, with my extended childhood no longer credible. And I need to stop talking about this because it's 10AM as I type this and it's making me think about the bottle of bourbon in the other room.

2. I was never attracted to Jake Gyllenhaal until I started reading your blog; all those pictures somehow changed my mind. Dramatically. No question, I just wanted to point that out. What young actors and actresses do you think are going to have a real future and long careers in the movies?

Well, the people I think are going to have long careers don't seem to be jiving with the people I'd want to have long careers. Like where did Eric Per Sullivan go? I love that kid, but I don't think he's going to have, say, Zac Efron's career, even though he's a thousand times more interesting. I do like that Amanda Bynes girl; I've got to admit that I always got sucked into The Amanda Show every time I stumbled upon it. I think there's a wealth of talented kids in the Harry Potter bunch, and for purely pervy reasons I'm gonna throw the name Stanislav Ianevski out there - he played Viktor Krum in Goblet of Fire and showed up unexpectedly in Hostel: Part II and... I like him. Though to paraphrase Bijou Phillips - and who wouldn't want to quote that lovely lady? - I think he might be a little too Eastern Bloc to be too successful.

3. Dr. Monkey asked me this and I thought it was kind of neat: as a cinephile, what’s your dream movie project? What would you like to see as a movie?

The His Dark Materials books would've been my answer a couple of years ago, but now they're really truly happening and looking great; Chris Weitz would never have occured to me as directing them but, from how it looks so far, it seems he maybe did right by Phillip Pullman and us fans. And who'd have guessed that the guy who made Meet The Feebles would become an Oscar-winner for adapting Tolkien? I guess what I mean is it's the marriages of director and source material that seem at first to come out of nowhere that I find most exciting. All that said - and all that really leading nowhere (told you, I'm scattered) - I've said these two before - I want David Cronenberg to direct an adaptation of Margaret Atwood's Oryx & Crake, and I want Eli Roth to direct the American remake of Battle Royale. I think those are two perfect marriages of director and subject.

4. Let’s say, because I am, that I’m someone who likes horror movies but doesn’t really seek them out. What are some movies that you think people who don’t drift towards horror might like? And conversely, if someone wanted to go deeper into the genre, what do you recommend they see?

This question is killing me. Literally, my head has fallen off trying to come up with the perfect answer. Plop. Head on the floor. There are so many different things you can get from horror, so many different sub-genres that offer something totally different; it all depends on what a person wants or expects from it. I stayed away from the super-gory stuff - the stuff (literally) splashed across the pages of Fangoria - for a really long time and still it's the sort of horror I'm least familiar with. I've always loved the Slasher films, it's the stuff that was trickling down to me as a kid, the Friday the 13ths and Nightmare on Elm Streets, and later the Scream movies, so anything that plays off those conventions really gets my toes curling.

Which brings me to my choice for recommendation, which should be obvious to anyone who's so much as glimpsed at MNPP within the past six months - even if you have the most basic awareness of the slasher films (and is it even possible not to, at this point?) I promise you you will love the hell out of Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. It's scary, yes, but mostly it's just wicked smart and hysterically funny and I don't think you have to be a horror-lover to really enjoy it. And I'm just gonna leave it at that one for now, because this is way too long and I could go on for much, much longer.

Speaking for myself for the second part of the question, I've been learning myself as of late on Mario Bava and the Giallo films - mostly Italian films from the 60s and 70s that always involve a large knife and even larger breasts, and I'd definitely recommend anyone who wanted to understand horror today check these out. They can be really beautiful to look at and, when they get it right, super-twisted as well.

5. You had a dream about hanging out with me and my beloved Scarlett. How often do you dream about me, exactly? Feel free to be as detailed and take as much space as you feel the explanation warrants.

Whenever I close my eyes, Aaron, you are there. You and the glaucoma and the mild burning sensation.

ETA Dammit, see, I told y'all my head was up my ass. I'm supposed to offer anyone who asks in the comments an interview of five questions themselves, that they'll post on their own blog their answers to. So yeah, anybody want my mushy brain grilling you, lemme know! Peace.
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