So I'm not really wanting to push the envelope when it comes to becoming a stalker. I'm not crazy, I'm not going to mentally construct some sort of imaginary land where Jake Gyllennhaal and I are kings and ride on holographic unicorns across a sky of daisies. I'm not going to dig through his trash cans for dirty scraps of lettuce to frame on the wall of my bedroom and pray to at night.
But I'd just about had it last Friday with seeing pictures of Jake gallivanting around the exact neighborhood I work in day-in and day-out.
So I just said fuck it on Friday and after work, instead of heading right to the subway, I wandered around my office-neighborhood a bit.
And ended up bumping into Peter Saarsgaard.
That's one brother-in-law down. Will Maggie be next? Will Jake ever show his face? Stay tuned for more of my ill-advised jaunt into the seedy underbelly of borderline mental illness. Coming soon!
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But I'd just about had it last Friday with seeing pictures of Jake gallivanting around the exact neighborhood I work in day-in and day-out.
So I just said fuck it on Friday and after work, instead of heading right to the subway, I wandered around my office-neighborhood a bit.
And ended up bumping into Peter Saarsgaard.
That's one brother-in-law down. Will Maggie be next? Will Jake ever show his face? Stay tuned for more of my ill-advised jaunt into the seedy underbelly of borderline mental illness. Coming soon!
///
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1 comment:
Not crazy, eh? That's not quite clear from the email you sent me. I think the people deserve to know the truth:
"I got slightly interrupted by the E-train hullaballoo on Friday, because instead of going home right after work I decided to try and stalk Jake Gyllenhaal. I keep seeing these damned paparazzi pics of him eating at Sant Ambeous which is like three blocks from my office, and I was like fuck it after work, and wandered over there, in the pouring rain, got totally drenched, but I get there and who do I see looking out the restaurant window at me? No, not jake. But yes, Peter Saarsgard, his sister's baby-daddy! And I can't see who he's talking to, just the back of a head with dark hair, so I'm freaking out, standing in the monsoon outside the restaurant, I could tell that Peter's standing was them getting up to leave, so I stand there in the rain waiting, and they come out and it's not jake, some other dude with Peter Saarsgaard, but then I totally followed PS for like two blocks til he went into some antiques shop."
You are one of those crazy killers with the rain jacket staring silently with a hook for a hand. Don't fight it.
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