If I believed in god, right about now I'd be asking him to save me. Why, you ask? What could have driven this diehard atheist into the arms of the false deity?
Why, Paris Hilton, of course. She's broken the spirits of men and women much stronger than I.
But, you see, my spirit is broken because... I liked her in House of Wax. I feel so... dirty. So... ashamed.
I watched it last night, and first off let me just say you can safely skip the entire first hour of the film and not miss a goddamned thing. What a fucking borefest. Nobody even dies. There's one somewhat amusing part where Elisha Cuthbert (a name made to torment those with a lisp) is forced to roll around in deer entrails. Yadda yadda, the stupidest most boring backstory EVER for a bad guy.
But even amongst the godawfulness of it all, there's a bright shining light of just plain ol' retarded glee, and it's name is Fuck-Me-In-The-Ass Hilton. Spouting such classic lines as "Eww" and "Yuck" (over and over), she steals the show.
And I am a broken man for loving it.
Oh, and Cuthbert and Murray were supposed to be twins??? They practically spent the entire movie wiping the cum off each other from the sex they were having together right before the director called "Action," and it was just wrong.
Incestuous eye-fucking aside, CMM is nearly as bland an actor as Paul Walker, and a hilarious choice to play a "Bad Boy" as he comes off as someone who throws a hissy-fit when his apple juice is room temperature. But to counter-balance that photo of Skank-Supreme up there, here's this, anyway:
Yeah, not bad, but little solace for such a crap-fest du jour. I did like the end with the entire place melting, which I think was the entire reason this thing got made. Otherwise, mediocrity at every turn. Even the kills were mostly boring.
But Paris... so... beguiling. So... perfect. Ly awful.
Why, Paris Hilton, of course. She's broken the spirits of men and women much stronger than I.
But, you see, my spirit is broken because... I liked her in House of Wax. I feel so... dirty. So... ashamed.
I watched it last night, and first off let me just say you can safely skip the entire first hour of the film and not miss a goddamned thing. What a fucking borefest. Nobody even dies. There's one somewhat amusing part where Elisha Cuthbert (a name made to torment those with a lisp) is forced to roll around in deer entrails. Yadda yadda, the stupidest most boring backstory EVER for a bad guy.
But even amongst the godawfulness of it all, there's a bright shining light of just plain ol' retarded glee, and it's name is Fuck-Me-In-The-Ass Hilton. Spouting such classic lines as "Eww" and "Yuck" (over and over), she steals the show.
And I am a broken man for loving it.
Oh, and Cuthbert and Murray were supposed to be twins??? They practically spent the entire movie wiping the cum off each other from the sex they were having together right before the director called "Action," and it was just wrong.
Incestuous eye-fucking aside, CMM is nearly as bland an actor as Paul Walker, and a hilarious choice to play a "Bad Boy" as he comes off as someone who throws a hissy-fit when his apple juice is room temperature. But to counter-balance that photo of Skank-Supreme up there, here's this, anyway:
Yeah, not bad, but little solace for such a crap-fest du jour. I did like the end with the entire place melting, which I think was the entire reason this thing got made. Otherwise, mediocrity at every turn. Even the kills were mostly boring.But Paris... so... beguiling. So... perfect. Ly awful.
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