Oh, Colin. Dear Colin. Why are you fighting the release of your sex tape? Why do the Gods mock me? Just take a deep breath and run with it, babe! Any press is good press, and your wang is already all over the internets, so just stand back and think for a sec.
Think about all us fans of yours out here. Think about our needs. You can boff Playmates left and right, and what do you leave for us? Shoddy dye-jobs and your current unfortunate bloat.
And anyway, it won't hurt your career. It's a Playmate, for God's sake. Women already know you're a horndog, straight guys will pat you on the back, and gay guys will appreciate its... artistic merit. Lesbians... well, whatever. They'll like the chick or something.
Shame on you, Mr. Farrell. Shame.
This message has been brought to you by the Society of Nothing Better To Do Than Wish For More Exposed Celebrity Pee-Pees.
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