Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

City of the Living Dead (1980)

Blonde gravedigger: Will you check her out? 

Talk about a "box lunch". 

Gravedigger: I'm telling you, you'll end up a dirty old man 

reading that stuff. A pervert. A peeping tom. I saw this 

porno flick once. This guy in the audience got so carried away 

with it, he humped himself to death. 

Blonde gravedigger: Yeah, but what a way to go.

Just a heads-up to all of my Fulci Freaks out there that today marks the 99th anniversary of the great gore-maestro's birth! That means you've only got one year to create your centennial maggot-masks and wood-shard-eye-sockets and cow-intestine-tongues with which to celebrate! Get to goring! Okay actually now that I think about it, maybe starting a year early with half of that stuff is a bad idea -- it will start to stink real fast. Especially the intestines thing. Check out your refridgeration situation first I guess. Anyway yes here's to 99 years of Fulci -- I love several of his movies a lot but I do think City of the Living Dead will probably always be my favorite, and that discussion above, bringing Shakespeare into the age of Italian sleaze, is a good reprsentative moment why. To be or not to be, to jerk off to death or not to jerk off to death -- ehh what's the difference? What a king.