Just when you thought movies couldn't get worse than the first Five Nights at Freddy's was, along some the sequel to say "Wait hold up just a goddamned second you say you want one hundred of your minutes ripped violently out of your life with no recourse? We gotcha covered!" Well guess what, Five Nights at Freddy's 2 -- I became a movie critic just so I could have recourse, bitch! Small satisfaction, sure, but hey it's something. The thing that's so annoying about this franchise is the idea is fun and the animatronic monsters are superbly designed (thank you Jim Henson's Creature Shop) and I keep thinking they'll do something with this. Director Emma Tammi even made a wonderful horror movie called The Wind back in 2018. But these movies are so absurdly tedious, so deathly dull, so flat and ugly and boring and offensively dumb, I refuse to believe there's even anybody standing behind the camera. I could be convinced the camera was set up inside an abandoned Chuck E. Cheese, turned on by a breeze, and then just left there to capture whatever. Gently drifting spiderwebs would be more fascinating. These movies are cruel and vulgar tricks -- some real Lucy-yanking-the-football shit. And they didn't even give the Killer Cupcake anything to do in this one! Fuck outta here.
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