Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Outrageous Fortune (1987)

Sandy: Look Frank. We're not just jerking you around. Some guys are after us because one of them stole a virus that's gonna kill and destroy all the plants and all the trees all around. We stole it back so now they're gonna kill us. You get it? 

Frank: Jesus. The sixties sure 

were good to you, weren't they? 

Lauren: Frank, that's right. Think back to 

the sixties. People did things for each other. 

Frank: They were wasted.

Dear lord I completely forgot that this was the plot of Outrageous Fortune until I read this quote on the film's IMDb page today -- the 1980s man! Movies were wild. Macguffins was wilder. I guess that means this childhood classic is due for a re-watch, especially since we're here wishing its star Bette Midler a very happy 80th birthday today! Since she doesn't tend to make movies I watch anymore I don't talk about the Divine Miss M on here very often but I have in the past, check our archives -- she was Little Jason's favorite movie star. I can't tell you how many times I've watched this, Beaches, Stella, and my absolute favorite Big Business. They're movies that I will have memorized by heart until the day I die... well okay maybe not the bit about the lethal virus in Outrageous Fortune. In my defense that shit's so far outta left field. But now that I've been reminded of COURSE that's why Shelley Long's ballet training is so important, so she can do her fancy jump across the desert mesas to save the world! Duh. Also...

... how funny is it that George Carlin is in this movie? I wonder if he and Bette got along. I know she didn't get along with too many of her co-stars (she and Shelley most certainly did not) and that pairing seems like it would've gone spectacularly wrong or spectacularly right. No in between. In summation -- somebody needs to start upgrading these Bette classics to 4K. Most of them are still DVD only! Get me the President of Touchstone Pictures on the landline immediately!