The Cow Jumped Over the Moon

Writing a negative review of a cheesy Disaster Movie is always a fool's errand because as bad as these movies get I will watch every single one of them dozens of times, no matter how lousy. My life has borne this pattern out time and again. And taking them at all seriously can feel humorless and beside-the-point, to put it plainly -- what are you expecting, fancy-pants critic-man? All that said I had to come down on Roland Emmerich's Moonfall pretty hard in my Pajiba review, which you can read here right now -- it has its moments (for instance Patrick Wilson is wet a lot, and he walks around with no pants on one time) but it's mostly paint-by-numbers and surprisingly humorless itself. All of the humor is inherent in the premise and the increasingly outlandish plot, but the characters, man, they approach everything dull-as-dishwater. I don't care that the plot makes no sense -- less than that, really -- and I appreciate the fact that Emmerich doesn't either; his dedication to nonsense is admirable really, and just what this sort of movies demands. But I never cheered for these people, I only dropped my jaw in awe at the spectacle a couple of times... anyway go read my review. I get into it. The basic gist though? It needed more cows, man.