Suspiria. And what a delight that turns out to be for everybody! (Okay not everybody but I pretend I live in a world where everybody saw Luca's Suspiria as the masterpiece is clearly is; please don't shit on that while I'm in quarantine.)
But, well, there have been two announcements in the past couple of weeks that've been testing my 2020 era saintly patience. Firstly this past Tuesday it was announced that celebrated producer Amy Pascal has set her eyes on remaking (deep breath) Charles Laughton's 1955 masterpiece The Night of the Hunter. Hunter, which stars Robert Mitchum as a morality-spewing wife-murderer in preacher garb with tattooed knuckles, is the only film the famed, closeted Laughton ever directed, and is one of the greatest movies ever made, full stop. It holds up to this day as a portrait of religious hypocrisy and simultaneous surreal beauty. It's a perfect goddamned thing.
Pascal has hired Matthew Orton, who is, let me check my notes, the writer of Operation Finale, the 2018 WWII movie starring Oscar Isaac and Ben Kingsley, which was forgotten -- save the scene of Oscar Isaac rasslin' around with dudes in some tight shorts -- approximately a week after it was released, to write this remake. Of this movie, which has come to be widely recognized one of the greatest films ever made. This person. Okay. They're saying it will be a "contemporary reimagining of the storyline and not a period piece" so... different. That's nice. Whatever, I whisper between clenched teeth, I can go put on my copy of Laughton's film right now, tomorrow, and every day after if I like. All's good.
is planning on remaking Alejandro Amenabar's 2001 already-a-classic ghost story The Others, which stars Nicole Kidman as the Gracy-Kelly-esque mother of two spooky kids in a middle-of-nowhere manor astride some foggy woods at the tail-end of WWII. This too is meant to be a contemporization, pulling the film up to the present day -- hey, they could set it during this pandemic, there's your self-isolation angle already. So what's so dumb about this one? I'll let our pal Nathaniel field that one: