Portrait of a Lady on Ice

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There's a little lizard creature that shows up about halfway through Frozen II: The Frozening that's the embodiment of a "Fire Spirit" and who therefore continually bursts into flames -- it seems to be against the little thing's will, poor dear, it just keeps happening and he keeps almost burning the entire forest down. And so meeting Elsa the Ice Princess is a real coup de foudre -- who else but a woman who spends all her energies repressing those resplendant things inside herself could tamp down so easily on a creature's more fiery tendencies? One tickle of her fingers and it's icicles for him.

That was technically Elsa's arc in the first Frozen -- Elsa learning to "let it go" and love her powers, to love that blue fire burgeoning inside herself, and the sequel does start with her happily loosening snowflakes and such little shows of her inner prowess. But there's something still nagging at her, a feeling of not belonging in this place where everybody else's main concerns are getting married, and so when a strange woman's sweet voice starts singing from somewhere far away to Elsa and only Elsa can hear it, she decides to head out on paths unknown to find the source of those feminine whispers. And well forgive me for thinking we might be taking Disney's first trip to the isle of Lesbos.

Elsa does find caves, lots of caves, to walk through the curved sloped enveloping bell-shaped entrances to -- deeper and deeper Elsa pushes and slides herself into these little holes, nooks, folds, and the woman she came for only gets louder, more insistent as she does. Will Elsa find the right way through these narrow passageways to the source of her true power? And will her reward be a great big thrumming cascade of living liquid for her to ride across the seas with, bucking between her thighs as she hits the highest of high notes, wetness and foam erupting all around her? I don't know -- have you ever seen a Disney movie before?