Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The Assignment in 200 Words or Less

I was going to say "I don't know how you make a movie about Michelle Rodriguez playing a male assassin who gets forced revenge gender reassignment from Sigourney Weaver a slog to sit through" but really the problem with The Assignment lays right there at the start with "Michelle Rodriguez." In theory Michi-likes-the-sausage" is a genius stroke of casting for this failed exercise in coulda-been-legendary-trash, but in practice she's Michelle Rodriguez, and she'll bore the genitals right off of any man woman or other. And the movie's terrified of itself - hesitant to offend anybody, it offends by just sitting there with its arms crossed, sulking. 

Are we just incapable of making bad-taste button-pushers anymore? Paul Verhoeven just proved that's not the case in Elle, but Michelle Rodriguez, to put it lightly, ain't no Isabelle Huppert. And Sigourney Weaver, who could be an Isabelle Huppert if she applied herself, phoned this one in from ten counties over - her scenes felt as if they were all filmed over the course of two days on the same set where they just rearranged some boxes and made hay with a sconce or two.

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