Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Hack Made Ridge

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With all due apologies to Andrew Garfield, whom I have adored for a decade now since seeing him in Boy A in 2007, Hacksaw Ridge is an astonishingly terrible garbage fire of a movie. I tweeted out some lets-call-them "opinions" last night while watching the film but this one just about sums it up:
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It's straight up embarrassing that this crap got nominated for Best Picture - it is one of the worst Best Picture nominees in quite awhile. (And don't even get me started on Mel Gibson, who never met an amputated torso he didn't want to stick his dick in.) Simultaneously hokey and cynical, exploitative while batting its eyelashes at you, pissing on your face while it says it's raining...

Set in some Narnian hellscape populated with characters scraped off Fatty Arbuckle's cutting-room floor, Hacksaw Ridge plays like an episode of Ash vs Evil Dead after a sense of humor appendectomy; it's like Saving Private Ryan if Steven Spielberg has had the part of his brain removed that forms empathy. Lord knows I have nothing against extreme violence (LAWD KNOWS) but you can't be hypocritical about that shit - tone must be established and balanced forcefully - and this movie is a hypocrite's paradise, crafted to assuage the consciences of sociopaths. Mel Gibson uses film like a serial killer uses murder - if he doesn't get one off every so often he'll explode.

Anyway life's too short to be angry at shit this triumphantly shitty - at a certain point I just started laughing hysterically, and that carried the day. I mean...


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You can't even make this shit up. But I'm sure Mel & Vince Vaughn had a good time hate-wanking each other in their trailers after shooting all the naked privates stuff, so good for them. Oh fine I will put a few gifs of Luke Pegler's super-hot but insanely period-inappropriate naked ass after the jump, if you insist (Mel and Vince shouldn't get to have all the fun)...









Ugh. 
What the fuck is wrong with you, Mel Gibson?
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7 comments:

Derreck said...

That last gif though. I also have to laugh at how his ass just descends from the heavens in that first shot.

JH said...

Good lord - we definitely need to see more Luke Pegle on this blog!

JA said...

Yeah he's pretty insane, for sure

Ryan T. said...

I haven't seen this film (though now have to because Oscars), but I really wished Garfield had been nominated for his work in SILENCE. I'm just going to pretend it so.

Also... HEEEYYYY LUKE.

JA said...

Yeah I think it's def a nomination for both roles, but I too wish they'd given it to him for SILENCE which, wonky accent aside, is a fine piece of performance. AG leans into his natural (usually charismatic) goofiness in HACKSAW and the film being so hokey it comes off as ten thousand pounds too much ham

Paul Outlaw said...

Awful, awful movie.

Glenn said...

Clearly the best thing about the movie was that fine, fine specimen of a man that Mel Gibson put in there for reasons unknown. Like, he strikes me as a man who would be terrified of changing in a gym locker room because he'd think men would stare but then holds a reverence for "back in the day" when men were men and could just be free around one another.