Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Do Dump or Marry - All of Them White Dudes

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I cannot be emphatic enough about how much I absolutely do not have any desire to see The Big Short, Anchorman director Adam McKay's upcoming "white dudes with white dude problems" movie starring all of the whites dudes under all of the wigs. It resembles no less than a fiery-nostrilled nightmare to me. I will admit that I'm surprised by this reaction to the trailers, as I was excited at first as I heard the names of all the boys signing on for it - Brad Pitt! Ryan Gosling! Steve Carell! Christian Bale! I like these folks! But somehow seeing it all slapped together inside a cloud of hair-dye and Axe Body Spray I'm compelled to retching, instantaneous retching. Oh well. But there are bright spots!

There are three whites dudes in the trailer that are acting as my anti-ipecac. There's Finn Wittrock, seen above...

... and there's Hamish Linklater, and...

... there is Billy Magnussen. For one they look like themselves and aren't trying to out-do each other in the crimp-n-curl department like whatever the hell is going on on Gosling/Pitt/Carell/Bale's heads. I mean...

... come on, Ryan Gosling. For another it's just nice to see some fresh faces getting a chance - somehow the pile-up of big established names in this movie became Too Much and it all curdled into its own Good Ol' Boys Club kinda sensation, and I am not getting the feeling that it's self-aware enough about this from the footage shown so far. (I get that this time and place looked like this but this movie's not convincing me it's a place I want to spend any time at all, is my point.) Anyway let's step aside from that and let's focus on our better angels - I am asking you guys...

... to Do Dump or Marry Finn & Hamish & Billy.
Take to it in the comments!
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8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Better than a self-loathing white dude movie about self-loathing white dude problems huh? I thought I'd clicked on a black supremacy website by mistake. Removing this filth from my bookmarks now. #deadtome

Joe K said...

Oh man, can we make #deadtome a thing this Oscar season? Like, "Christian Bale's haircut in this movie looks like the Cowardly Lion got stuck in a car wash #deadtome." I think that's going to help me when all of these shitty movies start inevitably winning awards.

JA said...

Haha yes Joe! And you just inspired this tweet

joel65913 said...

Do Finn
Dump Hamish
Marry Billy-To wake up to that smile everyday!!!

Anonymous said...

lol why are you suddenly pretending like you aren't into white dudes. This blog might as well be called 'God I love white men'

Anonymous said...

Arthur Knight, the film critic, used to tell this story: Two costume designers went to see a movie. When it was over, the first turn to the second and asked, "Well? What do you think?" The second replied, "It was terrible." And the first commented, "Well, of course. Look who did the costumes." Classic tunnel vision of which, I'm afraid, you are suffering. It was a bunch of white dudes who fucked the country, caused the economy to collapse and created suffering to millions of people of much ethnic diversity. So, of course, a movie about that moment in time would cast a bunch of white actors, including those with box office draw. Instead of complaining about the casting you might consider complaining that none of the white guys who did this damage went to jail while their victims are still living with the consequences.

JA said...

What makes you think I don't complain about that, Anon? I have plenty of breathe for that subject. My main point about this being a "white dude" movie is just I have no desire to see this story told in the way this movie appears, from this trailer, to be telling it. It makes these white dudes seem like whites dudes I should want to hang out with generally just by casting them with attractive genial movie stars and making them smile so bright, and I just don't wanna watch that movie. If the trailer's lying and actually plays all of these dudes as the assholes their real life counterparts clearly were then great. But I couldn't deal with The Wolf of Wall Street either, which I felt enjoyed the spectacle of Leo DiCaprio dancing and grinning around just a little more than I was into watching or finding any pleasure from. And these are "white dude" stories about what "white dudes" did so that's why I bring up the race thing. I just have very little interest in seeing these movies, at least in the way Hollywood seems interested in telling them.

Anonymous said...

Having seen the movie, white dude Brad Pitt reminds two other white dudes that if their scheme succeeds and they make a ton of money (which they do) betting against the banks, the economy will have crashed and millions of people will suffer which takes the wind out of their party balloon. Then Ryan Gosling, another white dude, turns to the camera and shows us the $45 million dollar check he got for betting against the banks, shrugs his shoulders and says, "Hey, I'm not the hero in this film." Then that other white dude, Steve Carell, has steam coming out of his ears over bank fraud and worries about making money by betting against the banks but still does it. So none of these guys are heroes in the traditional sense of the word. They are merely the ones who saw the flaw in the plan and bet against it. They are also our guides to understanding the greed/stupidity/fraud of those in charge of our financial future. In short, it's a financial horror film. So, you might want to put aside your screed and just go see the movie and then judge it. ---Barry