Thursday, April 23, 2015

Chris Hemsworth's Long Board

I assume you guys have heard about the Chris Hemsworth bulge report from CinemaCon's presentation of footage from the new National Lampoon's Vacation movie by now, but just in case MNPP is your primary source for dick reporting (that would be incredibly sweet; I would be touched) here's the low-down from the front-lines (via):

"The best part of the footage may have been when Rusty takes the family to visit his sister Audrey, played by Leslie Mann. She’s married to Chris Hemsworth, who shows up in the guest bedroom to tell Rusty and his wife how to use the remote - wearing nothing but boxer briefs, six pack hard as a rock and a huge cock clearly half-chubbed and visible running right down to the hem of his undies. He flexes and poses, that big cock just drawing your attention like a black hole draws light."

Honestly I think we can guess already that this gigantic cock's gonna be a stunt-cock - in the USA dicks are only meant for humor and straight man panic, and never for good and proper arousal. A real big dick a la Fassbender in Shame is just too much for us to handle; we need the remove... the wiggle-room, if you will. And that makes me kinda sad, and a little mad...... but also, because I am just a beaten down husk of a man, I will take it. I will take your fake dick, Chris Hemsworth. I will take it all.


Benji said...

Thanks for that, you are indeed my first stop for all cock reporting!

tanpoffel said...

what Benji said!!!

Bill Carter said...

At first I thought it was Ryan Kwanten. There must be something in the Australian water that produces these beautiful guys.

Anonymous said...

Meh, I'll believe it when I see it (oh, and I will see it, either in the theaters or the inevitable pics that end up here). But unless the joke of the scene is specifically that he's not only a hunk in his underwear but a HALF-HARD hunk in his underwear, my first instinct is to think this description is going way overboard. I've read plenty of blog posts talking about "oh my god! he's totally got a chubby!" but the pics show just a regular ol' bulge (not that I'd complain about that, either).

It honestly makes me think that many grown adults, even some men, don't understand male anatomy very well.

George G said...

Gawd I love the way you write.

Dark Horizons reports it's a "well-placed prosthesis."