Wednesday, April 09, 2014

I Am Link

--- Double Oh Nope - James Bond is a quitter! At the last minute he's pulled out of (pause here to imply dirty sexual things... okay carry on) a movie called The Whole Truth, a court-room drama that would've co-starred Renee Zellweger. Insert mean-spirited jokes about how I'd run away from Reneee Zellweger too - it actually does feel just mean kicking Renee these days though, so they're only half-hearted.

--- Afrikaner Queen - I really wish that Charlize Theron would step away from the Sean Penn - I realize her dating life is none of my business but I want so much better for her! Hotter, that is! I want her to be with somebody super hot so I can project wild fantasies upon them! Why won't she let me have this? Blah blah she's making a movie with him about Sudanese refugees blah. Sex panthers!

--- Dirty Dozen - Terry Gilliam's wonderful movie 12 Monkeys is being turned into a series on SyFy, which will star the dude who played Pyro in a couple of X-Men movies, Aaron Stanford. Stanford's always kind of creeped me out, but then it's not like Bruce Willis doesn't always creep me out and that worked out fine for the movie... but then, Terry Gilliam isn't directing this. Also Brad Pitt won't be there mooning us. So many demerits.

--- Sing Carol - I should probably go back and read Patricia Highsmith's book The Price of Salt again - I've been so feverish about Todd Haynes adapting it with Cate Blanchett that it's a little embarrassing how thin my memories of the actual story have actually become; I haven't read the book in several years. Like here the news that John Magaro has joined the cast as a character named Danny - I don't remember who this person or what their place in the story is at all.

--- And Speaking of Miss Blanchett, she's playing the role she was born to play - a woman named Miss Pretty! Specifically Miss Edith Pretty, an amateur archeologist who discovered the Sutton Hoo burial grounds in the late 1930s in Great Britain. This will be for the wonderful director Susanne Bier, from a script by the writer of Byzantium.

--- Bat Lady - The only jobs left for actors now are in superhero movies (or CG ape movies - seeing Gary Oldman in pictures from the new Planet of the Apes movie this morning gave me a start) so here we have the word that Holly Hunter is going to play some lady doctor in the Superman Vs. Batman movie. I'm sure the role will be just as fulfilling as Angela Bassett's memorable turn as a lady doctor in The Green Lantern. As an aside I don't think I mentioned this before my trip but I got to see Holly Hunter and John Cameron Mitchell read Flannery O'Connor stories to me a couple of weeks ago and it was what heaven is.

--- Devil's Due - It's been so long with this one I'd forgotten it was even a thing, but here's word that Alex Aja's adaptation of Joe Hill's book Horns with Daniel Radcliffe as the horny lead will be released in the UK at Halloween and probably here in the US right around then too.

--- Lars On Top - I linked to this yesterday already but it deserves a second linking because I loved Jose's list of his ten favorite Lars von Trier performances over at The Film Experience that much. Although I do feel as if Udo Kier deserved at least a special mention for that time he crawled out of a woman's vagina.

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